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I've been seeing a guy for the last 2 months who lives 6,000 km away. The reason we decided to try it is because he is moving home in a few months (home is where I live, as we are both from the same city).

 

I went to visit him 2 weeks ago and spent 4 days with him. On the way home, I was thinking about how hard it is not seeing him and told him. I told him I didn't know if I could do this and that its really hard. I told him I was afraid of being hurt. I never said anything out of line, or I didn't think so.

 

Since then he has been distant from me. We talk for maybe 20 minutes a day instead of the usual 3 hours. We haven't been on webcam once, and he doesnt tell me he misses me or anything else along those lines. I kind of asked him and he told me he was busy. I told him being busy is not an excuse... so then he let it out that he doesn't know what he wants and blames it on me for telling him that I didn't know if I could do this.

 

I don't know what to do. I know long-distance is hard, but how is this my fault?

 

I told him I cannot do this half a** and that I'm either in it or not, is that unacceptable? I'm killing myself here waiting to hear from him wanting him to want me.

 

He is calling me in a couple hours, not sure what to say to him. I already told him I can't hang in the balance, either he is in it or not. He told me he needs time to get over the things I've said. I don't feel that he should treat me like this, basically he is treating me as you would treat a friend, nothing bad, but not like you would treat a gf. I told him if he needs time to take it and figure it out, but I can't just not know. Either yes or no, I'll give him all the space he needs to figure it out. I told him this one week ago and he said ok and then called me the next day. If he needs to figure things out then he needs to actually take time.

 

Do you think is unacceptable for me to ask him if he is in this or not? Like I said, he can have all the time he wants, as long as he figures it out. I'd rather him tell me he doesnt want me now, to save the heartache later. I don't just want to be strung along for the ride.

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In my opinion, if you know what you want, then it's better to find out now that he's either into it or had something else in mind. Some people don't know what they "really want" out of a particular relationship until later on, but if you already know, then follow your heart and ask for it. If he can't give you what you're ready for, then it's best to find out now and start looking elsewhere.

Best wishes!!

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It has been my experience, that as soon as you mention anything serious to a guy, who "is not into you", a metamorphisis occurs. The next minute he becomes a completely different person and then the distancing begins.

 

My three last relationships ended, because I expressed some disatisfaction, regarding the treatment that I received in the relationship. Not long after that, it was over.

 

When a guy is not into you, there is no way of saying anything concerning the status of the relationship, without it being interpreted as, you want to lock him into a cage. Now a guy who is "into you", he would have been understanding and will go out of his way to make amends, or reassure you, that he is there for you and that he understands.

 

As the above poster said, it is better that you know now, than pro-longing the inevitable.

 

Start to detach from him and. If a conversation about your feelings have him heading for the hills, then, he is not the guy for you.

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