my girlfriend lets guys buy her drinks

When my girlfriend is at a club/bar a guy will occasionally buy her a drink and talk with her. We have a long distance relationship so she often goes out without me. She tells me she only accepts the drink and talks with the guy because she is bored or the girl(s) she went to the club with left with someone and now she is alone.

Now, I don't really care if she has a conversation with a guy and gets a free drink in the process. I know many girls do this to get free drinks all the time. But it just seems disrespectful to me. I can't imagine too many guys buying a girl a drink just for a good conversation... I'd venture to say most guys buy girls drinks to get something in return.

Maybe I'm just overreacting here...but she seemed to think it was perfectly ok. Although, I asked her how she would feel if I bought some random girl at a bar a drink just to talk with her...well she didn't like the idea of that too much lol.

So what do you guys think? She tells me she doesn't flirt with the guy or anything. (I can only take her word for that because I wasn't there, but she is not the flirty type)

well, when i was apart from my boyfriend for three weeks, I did not let guys buy me drinks, BUT i also don't think it would have been wrong for me to accept. We talked about it, and he even said it's o.k. if I am a little flirtatious but not "too much". Anotherwards, when you are apart from your SO for so long, you miss some of that attention and there is nothing wrong with getting a little as long as your intentions are just that and you don't pursue it further by exchanging numbers, etc. I think by overreacting you are going to make her feel suffocated. Not only are you not with her but then you tell her if she can accept drinks or not, it's too much. I understand it makes you uncomfortable, but it's not her actions that bother you, it's the guys. You are uncomfortable knowing that a guy sees your gal is attractive and want to buy her a drink and are hoping for something. but just trust your girl...

But it just seems disrespectful to me. I can't imagine too many guys buying a girl a drink just for a good conversation... I'd venture to say most guys buy girls drinks to get something in return.

 

Yes this is true. I don't think its great from any angle. Guys are buying your g/f drinks, your g/f is using guys to get free drinks and random guys in bars are reinforcing the idea that women are there just to use them

Future ENA poster

Random guy101 "buying girls drinks"

Hey guys, first post here. I went to the bar, met this great girl, we got along great. I bought her drinks and she was totally into me. Then when I asked her for her phone number she told me she had a boyfriend. Why do women do this??? That is totally mean!!!

For me personally, I have a boyfriend and I wouldn't accept a drink from another guy. It would make my boyfriend uncomfortable and perhaps a little offended, and it may give the drink-buyer false hope if they are interested.

I would accept a drink and make small talk then leave and give the drink to one of my girl friends. It's different if YOU buy the drink for another girl, that is disrespecting your current girl, but if the bar/girl bought you a drink in my presense, i wouldn't mind at all! I would be flattered that some other girl is hitting on my man. Plus i save the 10-15 bucks on the drink...with this economy, free drinks should never be denied!

^^^^^^ What????

Wow...and then women wonder why men don't trust them! It is NOT okay for a woman who has a partner, even long distance, to accept drinks from a stranger at a bar. That is encouraging the attentions of the guy..it is NOT okay to flirt with a guy in a bar if you have a partner. If someone needs that much attention then they should break up with their boyfriend and then flirt all they want and get freebie drinks. It is pretty sleazy to use this as a way to get free drinks.

Future ENA poster

 

Random guy101 "buying girls drinks"

 

Hey guys, first post here. I went to the bar, met this great girl, we got along great. I bought her drinks and she was totally into me. Then when I asked her for her phone number she told me she had a boyfriend. Why do women do this??? That is totally mean!!!

lol - yes!!!!!!

everyone has a different opinion of what is appropriate or inappropriate.

to me, that is inappropriate. she's leading guys on,flirting etc. very disrespectful to her boyfriend.

if you're not ok with that it is completely understandable.

Future ENA poster

 

Random guy101 "buying girls drinks"

 

Hey guys, first post here. I went to the bar, met this great girl, we got along great. I bought her drinks and she was totally into me. Then when I asked her for her phone number she told me she had a boyfriend. Why do women do this??? That is totally mean!!!

Awesome post!

I would accept a drink and make small talk then leave and give the drink to one of my girl friends. It's different if YOU buy the drink for another girl' date=' that is disrespecting your current girl, but if the bar/girl bought you a drink in my presense, i wouldn't mind at all! I would be flattered that some other girl is hitting on my man. Plus i save the 10-15 bucks on the drink...with this economy, free drinks should never be denied![/quote']

 

Wow I don't care how bad the economy is LOL.

My bf wouldn't want me chatting to a guy trying to get into my pants or near them, and nor would I like some guy flirting/buying him drinks. We all know buying drinks is usually code for or a way to keep on talking.

 

Plus I think it's kind of rude to the person buying drinks to get used. You end up having to avoid them the rest of the night.

 

I used to accept free drinks from guys when I was younger and said "never turn down a free drink".

 

I'd accept a drink if it where from a friend. If my bf where around and a guy offered me I'd just say no I have a bf.

If she finds herself alone late at night why doesn't she just go home? Accepting drinks from random guys late at night when alone is a pretty risky thing to do. More fool her.

She is manipulating these guys into buying her drinks. Regardless of whether she intends to cheat on you with them it is still a fairly low character trait. I would not want to be with someone who rips people off like this.

^^^^^^ What????

I said i would accept it and give it to my girl friend. Maybe i'm cupid or something but i would never flirt with the guy. Just match him up with a friend near by. And i'm still sticking to my story, if a girl bought my so a drink, i would be cool with it because i am not a jealous person. It makes me want him more and most likely men find women with confidence more attractive. Don't sweat the small stuff, he's coming home with me.

well it was a surprise to hear that she did that honestly. She's not the type of girl I would expect to take such "invitations" from random guys. I'm sure she would never act on this, but I don't need some other dude buying my girl drinks. If she doesn't want to spend the money then I’ll pay for it.

It could be some jealousy on my part I suppose. I mean, it would bother me much less if some scrawny little turd of a guy bought her a drink versus some stud. But even then... I don't think she should be leading people on like that...she knows why that guy is buying her a drink.

Maybe it just makes her feel better about herself, she has pretty low self esteem... But is this really the way to do it? She's in a committed relationship with me.

I asked her if she would do this if I was at the bar with her and she said no...so why do it when I'm not there?

anyways, it's not really a huge deal or anything...I still love her to death no matter how many free drinks she gets.

For me it is an insight into her character and one that would be a huge turnoff for me. If she is prepared to take advantage of a stranger chances are she will be taking advantage of you at the first opportunity.

Just as a matter of interest - when you are together, who pays for the dates?

For me it is an insight into her character and one that would be a huge turnoff for me. If she is prepared to take advantage of a stranger chances are she will be taking advantage of you at the first opportunity.

 

Just as a matter of interest - when you are together, who pays for the dates?

Well before I answer let me say that she is a student and I have a full time job. I pay for atleast 75% of all our shared expenses. Even though I do feel the urge to be her provider, I have no problem with her buying stuff for me. I just understand she doesn't have alot of spare cash. She does offer to pay, but she knows I'm probably going to pick up the bill.

I said i would accept it and give it to my girl friend. Maybe i'm cupid or something but i would never flirt with the guy. Just match him up with a friend near by. And i'm still sticking to my story' date=' if a girl bought my so a drink, i would be cool with it because i am not a jealous person. It makes me want him more and most likely men find women with confidence more attractive. Don't sweat the small stuff, he's coming home with [u']me[/u].

Women can be very confident and alluring and yet still not appreciate other women coming on to their men...has nothing to do with insecurity..it has to do with propriety. I would not "want a man more" simply because other women find him attractive...I don't base my feelings for someone on what others think of him...I base it on what I think of him..what other women think of him is irrelevant to my feelings.

She does offer to pay, but she knows I'm probably going to pick up the bill.

I think her behaviour is inappropriate - because she has a boyfriend and it is disrespectful to you but also because she knows why the men are buying her drinks and is essentially obtaining them under false pretenses. It's cheap and manipulative and I would not want to be with anyone who takes advantage of other people.

In bold is the only stuff that matters. You say you don't care if she chats with some dude and ends up with a drink but that would seem disrespectful to you; that would mean you care. So you do care, you think it's disrespectful. Tell her so. She's also said that she probably wouldn't like it if the tables were turned. There you have it you should both agree to decline free drinks. You don't have to be a b!tch... either of you would just have to say "no thank you, I've got a gf/ bf" piece of cake.

It's hard to NOT flirt while chatting up the guy that just bought you a drink... let's be real here. It could be harmless, innocent, ego-boosting flirting, but it's flirting none the less. Note: as long as there is trust! There is no worry.

I agree with the first part. Her bf said it's all good, and understands his gal needs a little ego-boost at times. He trusts her so it's not a big deal. He doesn't find it disrespectful so for this couple to say it works, than it works. The dynamics of this relationship DO NOT carry over to yours. You are not "over reacting" you are reaccting there's a difference. If she thinks by you telling her you don't like her accepting free drinks that you're "suffocating" her she needs to get out of the long-distance relationship. Last bolded point there is reagarding her actions which is ACCEPTING the drink. The guys actions are only offering her the drink the minute she accepts it's all different. It's not all about trusting your girl... even if you do that doesn't mean you have to be okay with her getting free dinks.

There is so much wrong with this post. Let me explain. What is wrong to YOU, is not wrong for everyone. So quit with the blanket statements saying "IT IS NOT OKAY..." For some like the poster above it IS okay... point proven wrong right off the bat. Please refrain from telling me that if I or anyone else in a relationship isn't allowed to like, enjoy and crave a little bit of outside-the-relationship attention is a bad person and needs to be single to get this out of the system. That is simply not true. I am completely committed and totally in love and I do enjoy a little bit of attention and ego-boosting flirting. I do NOT need to break up to flirt away. And I am not a "sleaze" for accepting the odd free drink here and there.

Because your friends are dancing or whatever you have to leave the bar? OHHHKAY... not. It's not risky! Unless some random dude walks up to you with a drink in hand and gives it to you! (worry about drugs whatever) if you're getting the drink and have your eye on it at all times seriously... what risk are you talking about? Him wanting more? Unless you have no clue how to flirt and NOT flirt.. you'll know how to avoid giving him the impression he's going to get more than a friendly chit chat.

To be fair we don't know how she gets these drinks. If you go to bars/ clubs often you should know that women get offered drinks all the bloody time. She may not be doing anything but dancing and looking pretty and she'll get offered drinks left and right! How is THAT ripping people off? When I go to bars without my SO I don't flirt to get drinks... I'll get offered and I'll judge the guy and see if he's clearly looking for more... or just posbbily looking for some chit chat... and I'll accept or not based on my first judgement. Nothing wrong in that. If he looks like a dirtbag, I'll not accept. If he looks shy/ genuine, what's the harm in accepting something offered? This would all change if I know my SO thought it was disrespecful of me to accept but he just think as long as he or I don't get carried away it's not a problem.

How can you conclude she is taking advantage of guys... if she is doing nothing to entice guys to buy her drinks yet they still get offered to her, how is THAT taking advantage of guys? Please... because I get offered free drinks, I'm a bad person with low character traits that takes advantage of men? My goodness.

OP, it's to each his own. If you dislike it tell her... it's really no big deal. She isn't a bad person for accepting things that are offered to her. She just doesn't know how it makes you feel. Tell her it would make you feel a whole lot better if she just polietly declined drinks when offerered to her. And if it's money of her concern, tell her you'd be happy to pitch in a few bucks to her not-over-the-top-partying-fund. You said you would...

Yes this is true. I don't think its great from any angle. Guys are buying your g/f drinks, your g/f is using guys to get free drinks and random guys in bars are reinforcing the idea that women are there just to use them

 

Future ENA poster

 

Random guy101 "buying girls drinks"

 

Hey guys, first post here. I went to the bar, met this great girl, we got along great. I bought her drinks and she was totally into me. Then when I asked her for her phone number she told me she had a boyfriend. Why do women do this??? That is totally mean!!!

Totally agreed. Well put Clementine. Not only is your g/f disrespecing you i think personally she is disrespecting those guys as well. They don't know she is in a relationship most likely, and they are hoping to get to know a woman they find attractive and maybe it could lead to a date later on. Why she would lead anyone on like this is beyond me. There is NO reason she can't talk to people in the bar once she is left alone and still say "no thanks' to offers to buy her a drink. I have done that many times. I will not accept the drink because i have my own money and don't need anyone to buy it and i also don't want to give a guy the wrong impression who might be doing it for other reasons.

If she finds herself alone late at night why doesn't she just go home? Accepting drinks from random guys late at night when alone is a pretty risky thing to do. More fool her.

I agree with this too. If it is still early and she is bored and doesn't want to go home there are plenty of people one can talk to that doesn't involve giving the guy a false impression by accepting his offer to buy her a drink. I think most of us were not born yesterday and we know that when most guys buy a girl a drink it is because he is interested in her. He may or may not be a sleazebag, that isn't the point. Many decent guys will buy a girl a drink in an effort to get to 'know' her better because it is a socially accepted form of flirting and letting someone know you like what you see. The bad is on her, not the guys buying the drinks.

Please... because I get offered free drinks, I'm a bad person with low character traits that takes advantage of men? My goodness.

 

Women can be very confident and alluring and yet still not appreciate other women coming on to their men...has nothing to do with insecurity..it has to do with propriety. I would not "want a man more" simply because other women find him attractive...I don't base my feelings for someone on what others think of him...I base it on what I think of him..what other women think of him is irrelevant to my feelings.

well stated! I don't think not wanting your b/f or husband to accept free drink offers from other women has a thing to do with insecurity. And i also don't base how i feel about my SO on how many women find him attractive or hot. That would have no bearing on my feelings for him. That sounds a mite shallow.

I didn't say that being offered free drinks by men in a bar when you are in a committed relationship means someone has a low character that takes advantage of others. But accepting them would - in my opinion.

Well then my my... the bar scene is just littered with women who are bad people. However, I disagree and I am in no way a bad person for accepting something offered to me. In my opinion.