Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Girlfriend cheated on me, turned on but also degraded

  1. #1
    unsure20
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6

    Girlfriend cheated on me, turned on but also degraded

    My girlfriend cheated on me, and she greatly regrets it now. She was feeling unwanted by me, somewhat understandably so.

    However now, I find I get turned on by the idea, but I also feel really bad about it later on.

    She doesn't like that I think about it as a turn on either. I think part of the reason why I found it a turn on is that I always wanted her to act more "sl-tty" in bed, and to me, what she did is sort of like a fantasy, except the fantasy happened to someone else, which makes me feel terrible. I never had fantasies like this before - certainly of "* * * * ty" girls, but not of my girlfriend with someone else.

    I broke up with her, because I didn't want to feel so bad anymore, but she wants me back.

  2. #2
    Sparkly Eyes

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,935
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    well, I think many men get turned on by this idea. So don't feel bad about it. I don't know what the purpose of your post is and what it is you want to ask us. If you are wondering about getting back to her, it all depends on you, if you can trust her again and that you love her enough so that you forget what she did getting back together would not hurt right?

  3. #3
    midnightrambler
    Platinum Member midnightrambler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    4,344
    Gender
    Male
    get her back for one good hump and then cut her loose

  4. #4
    ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀
    Bronze Member ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    elsewhere
    Posts
    256
    Gender
    Female
    wow...i dissagree with cheating, but i do believe "if you're not with someone who fulfills your needs, be with the person who will." So if you are saying you can understand her point of feeling unwanted, why not take her back? I'm not saying what she did wasn't wrong. It WAS! But can you move past that? maybe make her feel more wanted??

  5. #5
    abouttime

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    373
    Nah, you don't want her back. She was a girlfriend not a wife. Find someone who won't cheat on you. Maybe it was a turn on because you knew she wasn't the one. I any case dump her.

    How did you find out she cheated?

  6. #6
    unsure20
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6
    Actually my main reason for posting is about how to stop getting turned on by what happened. I do find that getting angry at her, or rather, not being sympathetic to her apologies and so on works. It's when she cries and gets on my emotional side, where I let her back in, if we had sex, I would start thinking about what happened. That is one of the main reasons I put an end to it.

    I found out because she told me. Technically we were taking a break from our relationship, and we said we could see other people. However, we never actually took a break, we saw each other all the time, which is why I wanted to take a break. She was suffocating me, and started to not want to have sex as often, eventually she felt pretty unattractive to me and it hurt her self-esteem quite a bit.

    Worriedgirl - I do know that lots of men get turned on by the idea, but I really don't like it. Or at least, I would rather like it strictly as a fantasy, not thinking about what happened, which was quite hurtful to me.


    Thank you for your replies.

  7. #7
    lady00
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    32
    Posts
    9,491
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    9
    I think it's totally understandable to have a fantasy but not be happy when it actually happens. That is to say, the idea of someone being a bit dangerous is great and can be a turn-on, but only if it remains the fantasy and its carried out in a loving environment, not when it is actually acted out in reality. I think it's similar to when people fantasize about rough sex and play it out...it's only enjoyable because the two people are partaking in the fantasy and because no one is actually getting hurt.

  8. #8
    servedcold
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,575
    The fantasy is the turn-on, but the reality is that there's no trust or respect in a cheating relationship. You've seen that the lack of trust and respect hurts more than the fantasy turns you on, and made the right decision. Don't undo it.

  9.  

Top Threads
Living with an unfaithful partner
So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now. Two months ago I transferred locations for work to live with him. It took some serious
Was it sexting? Should i continue our relationship?
So here it goes.. I am a 35 yo guy and have been with my gf just shy of 2 years. I just caught her in the act of snap chatting a non nude, but
I dont know what to believe.. in despair
So, my girlfriend of 3.5 has admitted to emotionally cheating on me with my friend (whom we hang out lots with). Problem is, i dont know if they had
Broke up with my boyfriend for cheating, why am I the one who feels rejected?
I'm 25 he's 36. Recently found out that my boyfriend of four years was living a double life with a secret girlfriend for the past two years. Found
how do we know you cheated?? women answers preferred
Hi i know this is yet another post from me but i guess how would a guy know that a girl has physically cheated on him? Ive read countless online
Why does it feel like infidelity? How do I move on from this feeling?
My long distance relationship of 6 years ended early June. Over the last few years, we would get into arguments over things such as using
cheating ex husband
My husband and I divorced around 2 1/2 years ago following a 18 month separation. He and a younger female co worker were friends for about 10 years

Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •