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Thread: Girlfriend cheated on me, turned on but also degraded

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2009

    Girlfriend cheated on me, turned on but also degraded

    My girlfriend cheated on me, and she greatly regrets it now. She was feeling unwanted by me, somewhat understandably so.

    However now, I find I get turned on by the idea, but I also feel really bad about it later on.

    She doesn't like that I think about it as a turn on either. I think part of the reason why I found it a turn on is that I always wanted her to act more "sl-tty" in bed, and to me, what she did is sort of like a fantasy, except the fantasy happened to someone else, which makes me feel terrible. I never had fantasies like this before - certainly of "* * * * ty" girls, but not of my girlfriend with someone else.

    I broke up with her, because I didn't want to feel so bad anymore, but she wants me back.

  2. #2
    Sparkly Eyes

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Ontario, Canada
    well, I think many men get turned on by this idea. So don't feel bad about it. I don't know what the purpose of your post is and what it is you want to ask us. If you are wondering about getting back to her, it all depends on you, if you can trust her again and that you love her enough so that you forget what she did getting back together would not hurt right?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member midnightrambler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    get her back for one good hump and then cut her loose

  4. #4
    Bronze Member ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    wow...i dissagree with cheating, but i do believe "if you're not with someone who fulfills your needs, be with the person who will." So if you are saying you can understand her point of feeling unwanted, why not take her back? I'm not saying what she did wasn't wrong. It WAS! But can you move past that? maybe make her feel more wanted??

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Nah, you don't want her back. She was a girlfriend not a wife. Find someone who won't cheat on you. Maybe it was a turn on because you knew she wasn't the one. I any case dump her.

    How did you find out she cheated?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Actually my main reason for posting is about how to stop getting turned on by what happened. I do find that getting angry at her, or rather, not being sympathetic to her apologies and so on works. It's when she cries and gets on my emotional side, where I let her back in, if we had sex, I would start thinking about what happened. That is one of the main reasons I put an end to it.

    I found out because she told me. Technically we were taking a break from our relationship, and we said we could see other people. However, we never actually took a break, we saw each other all the time, which is why I wanted to take a break. She was suffocating me, and started to not want to have sex as often, eventually she felt pretty unattractive to me and it hurt her self-esteem quite a bit.

    Worriedgirl - I do know that lots of men get turned on by the idea, but I really don't like it. Or at least, I would rather like it strictly as a fantasy, not thinking about what happened, which was quite hurtful to me.

    Thank you for your replies.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    I think it's totally understandable to have a fantasy but not be happy when it actually happens. That is to say, the idea of someone being a bit dangerous is great and can be a turn-on, but only if it remains the fantasy and its carried out in a loving environment, not when it is actually acted out in reality. I think it's similar to when people fantasize about rough sex and play it's only enjoyable because the two people are partaking in the fantasy and because no one is actually getting hurt.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    The fantasy is the turn-on, but the reality is that there's no trust or respect in a cheating relationship. You've seen that the lack of trust and respect hurts more than the fantasy turns you on, and made the right decision. Don't undo it.


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