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Thread: Can't get over my fling & feeling SO low!!

  1. #11
    fauxolivia
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    Actually. I HAVE been in your situache before. It's harder to "get over" this person (moreso than the 5.5 year one) because you are infatuated with him. Usually, in this stage, we tend to get a little obsessive. My current boyfriend started as a fling (oh so long ago!) and because of many complications (the major one being that he was always out of the country), stayed that way.

    But I NEVER got over him. He was "perfect" in every way. Of many things: his goals, his personality, his taste in music, his physical side--and yes, our sexual chemistry was (is) amazing. His potential at being more than a fling, or boyfriend to me was sooo high. I fell hard, and it was magical.

    After 6 months, I was still not over him. I wouldn't talk to him, or even see him in my desperation to get over him. Then I would get a call, or text from him, and the obsession started all over again. It was a cruel joke.

    I have no idea how we get together, but we did. And have been together now, for around 2 years.

    I find that if there was a reason for me to leave, or if I suddenly fell out of love with him, it would be so much easier for me to get over him. Because I've already been there, and done that. I've tried my best to stay, and dispite everything, it wasn't meant to be. We weren't meant for "forever." So it would be easier.

    In your situation, however, there's that hope, that potential. And the fact that you felt that he was perfect (since you don't really know him, and see him only though rose-colored glasses) would make it harder for you to get over him.

    So... that's just my 2 cents.

  2. #12
    addictedblue
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    I agree totally with what the above poster said!!

    You were in the infatuation stage, like she said. It comes before you realize that he isn't the perfect guy and that he'll get on your nerves sometimes, in the beginning when it's all fresh and addicting he can do no wrong basically, and you have all these thoughts and fantasies about the future. When it abruptly ends before anything was able to develop, you never know what could have happened, so it's really hard to get over. Whereas in a long long relationship you know the person really well and know what it was like to be with them and what you're losing isn't as mysterious. Hang in there

  3. #13
    Traveler27
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    How pathetic is this?! I am still not over it. And to complicate matters, I am now living in the same city -- in fact the same neighborhood as my fling. I am within 5 mins walking distance of his place, and I have to walk by it every day to take the train, etc.

    I feel so foolish and ridiculous. I see him from time to time, just passing by on the road and it is so strange. When we see each other, we just nod politely and continue walking, etc. But I can't help but still feel attracted. He is so gorgeous and I feel like I've been completely rejected by him. I can't move because I am in the perfect spot close to my university where I have gone back to school for my Masters.

    I wish I could get over him as it's just been way too long to be this conflicted over a stupid fling, but I think I obviously fell for the guy. I feel like I'm losing my dignity here, and I don't want to do that, but this guy has had a strong hold on my mind since we met. I guess this is a cautionary tale for anyone contemplating a casual relationship. I thought it could have been more though!!!

  4. #14
    bedshaped
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    I know EXACTLY how you feel, traveler! I'm in the exact same situation right now, altough is a bit worse because I'm in a relationship but I keep thinking about my past fling.
    My story is similar as yours: I met my fling 4 years ago a week before I came back to my home country so we had to speed things up too. I wasn't interested in him at first but his seduction and the easiness of our flirting caught my attention. I knew I wasn't going to see him again ever in my life (and I haven't seen him since) and I didn't want to leave asking myself how the flirting was going to end up. Our chemistry was so strong and grew bigger and bigger I just had to know if that would translate also as sexual chemistry or it was just an illusion. And it did... until this day, he has been the best sexual partner I've ever had. After that, we stayed in touch by email and then chat. At first, very innocent conversations like "how are you" and "what's up with your life" but we couldn't help our chemistry so we started having very hot chats. It's funny how things developed because I feel like our chemistry is stronger than the distance that separates us but that's all. I know very little about his life and he doesn't seem very interested in mine (that tells me that he couldn't care less about me, I'm just fun). I do know, like you said, he's not the best guy for me... actually, my current boyfriend is perfect for me in that sense but we never had the kind of sexual connection I share with my past fling (and I don't think I'll ever have it). So, I'm convinced its just a huge crush, an illusion... I know this for a fact because I can't see myself with him, I know we wouldn't be good together... we share some ideas about life but that's all, we're completely different in other ways. But even knowing this, I can't get him out of my head lately... at first, I didn't think about him much... it was just a game for me but this past year our chats have become more intimate. We keep remembering our short time together and he has said to me that he wonders sometimes about What if I had stayed and that if he had known me like he does now he would've had told me to stay. All of this is hitting me in a sensitive point and I know this makes me think about him all the time...
    In short, I know this is a fantasy... it's not real, is what we create in our heads when a great fling get cut off at the best moment of all but we cannot turn back time and sexual chemistry only takes you so far. I think that maybe if I see him again I'd see him as a real person and I would realize that I have build him up perfect in my head... but I'm scared if that doesn't happen. I'm afraid of what I would do if I saw him again and all the chemistry is as strong as always.
    I really don't know if this helps you and I don't know what the solution to your problem is (well, if I knew the solution I wouldn't be in the same situation) but at least be sure that there are other people with the same issues. I really wish you the best and I'm here if you need to let out some stuff...

  5. #15
    crimson-rose
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    Ergh totally know where you are coming from here! I am currently going through it at the moment and it sucks sooooo bad! I had this "fling" with a guy from work, it was the most amazing month of my life, everything about him enticed me in and the sex was absolutely amazing.. then he went back to his ex girlfriend and i was left in pieces! Still am!

    I totally agree with you on it being harder to get over than your previous relationship. Not sure if this was because my fling came so shortly after my relationship, but i was going out with my ex for just over 3 years and he broke up with me. I was devastated but shortly after i meet this new guy and i guess he almost healed me.. and then tore my heart out again.

    So here i am, craving after this man i can never have again. Think i am maybe even in love with him. Guess its dangerous to let emotions and feelings run so freely because they can so easily be ripped away

    I know this thread was posted a little while ago and the last time you posted was about a month ago. Would be interesting to know if time has been a healer for you.

  6. #16
    bedshaped
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    Quote Originally Posted by crimson-rose [Register to see the link]
    So here i am, craving after this man i can never have again.
    Maybe, that's what makes it hard... the forbidden fruit or something like that... the fact that you can't have someone you want so bad... maybe if you could have him and let the relationship run its course, you can see that it can't work out...

  7. #17
    gss2003
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    hardest thing

    I had a fling too, both of us married in unhappy, unfulfilling marriages and we connected for several months. Talked seriously but never really more than talk.

    I never thought she would leave her husband and feel duped after all the BS she spewed on me and she went back to him to make it work.

    But I know, the chemistry was off the charts and I'm still messed up and trying to not compare that experience to my everyday life.

    It took me sometime to realize it was nothing more than a fling, despite the fake promises we made.

    The emotional part is the hard one to me.

  8. #18
    thesecret

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    Unhappy i need help too :(

    i am going through the same thing.. the worst part is i have a boyfriend and hes married and has one kid. I am so attracted to this guy he owns the dealership where my bf got his car a month ago. Ever since then we kept coming back to the dealership bec my bf needed somethng upgraded to his car. We were always flirting and it so different and he made me feel so beautiful. Ive never been this attracted to a guy and i cant stop thinking about him. One afternoon i went by myself to pick up the car, 4 of his employees left for half an hour and we were left alone. We kissed and kissed and kissed but nothing really happened. I know its wrong i dont want to be a homewrecker or a cheater but ive never felt this way before. I know its never going to be us. hes 41 and im 23 , hes married and im in a complicated realtionship. I have a bf and let me tell you he is a good man. He is so nice and i have nothing bad to say about him. I feel so guilty but i feel like i am not attracted to my bf anymore. We live together but we work diff hours so we dont really see each other that often anymore i think that maybe a reason also that i am kind of looking for somethign else. So back to the dealership guy he said he was gna call me and he never did and i feel like hes trying to avoid me.. I feel really down but i think its for the best. I dont want to ruin his life with his family, i have respect for his family and my boyfriend.. i am not a cheater and a homewrecker, im just a normal victim of sexual fantasy ;( But this attraction i have with him needs to go away.. i need to get him out of my head.. i became mentally obsessed and its not just ruining my relationship but myself too

  9. #19
    pl3asehelp

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    Quote Originally Posted by thesecret [Register to see the link]
    i am not a cheater and a homewrecker, im just a normal victim of sexual fantasy (
    Not true. Had you just kept these feelings in your head it would have been true, but you took it physical. Now you are a cheater and a homewrecker. And a liar. If you were to be honest with your bf, and this dude's wife and kids, what do you think the consequences would be?

  10. #20
    Lamprey
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    Quote Originally Posted by pl3asehelp [Register to see the link]
    Not true. Had you just kept these feelings in your head it would have been true, but you took it physical. Now you are a cheater and a homewrecker. And a liar. If you were to be honest with your bf, and this dude's wife and kids, what do you think the consequences would be?
    That's too harsh. She's not a cheater or a homewrecker - yet. But that sounds like it's only because she hasn't had the opportunity because the guy managed to get control of himself. Good for him (and no, a kiss is not cheating, though it is a warning sign).

    What she needs to do, though, is stop trying to justify an affair to herself. It's laying the groundwork so there's less guilt later, and it's wrong. You work different hours than your man? Quit, or break up with him. Don't cheat and blow up another man's family.

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