Im way too jealous and clingy! HELP

My boyfriend and I of two years both had a little mishap about the first couple months into our relationship, Since then I have been really hard on him. He doesnt go anywhere without me and if he does i accuse him of the most ridiculous things.. I will text him and if he doesnt text me back within the first 2 mins or doesnt answer my call, I start thinking of things that dont even make since and accuse him of cheating or being on the phone with some girl. When i think my blood gets boiling and sometimes i think so wildly ill make myself cry. Its gotten so bad that i even do it when he visits his mom or dad without me. Im ridiculously clingy too, he has moved in with me and there isnt one day that goes by that i dont see him or am not with him. We only hang out with my friends none of his anymore because their girlfriends talk crap about any new girl that is in their group, and if they like you they will talk crap to you about their "best friend" to you which i think is so wrong, so i dont let him hang out with his buddies anymore! It's so dumb and i know it is i just cant stop it! We both work and go to school so we hardly ever spend quality time together, when we are at home we are both on the computer in separate rooms. Its getting so old and i just want him to notice that we really never spend "us" time together. He always says "I spend every damn day with you I never hang out with my friends, i never do anything" I can tell he is getting fed up. But in reality, we really are never together unless we are sleeping! Someone please help me, what im doing is so unhealthy, is their medicine or methods to get over this crap. Im just as fed up as he is. Any help is appreciated thanks.

what was the mishap?

Medicine is never the answer and walk away from ANY doctor who just wants to prescribe you drugs as a solution to this problem. The fact is you DO have the power to overcome this... you just want an easy (drugs) solution.

The fact is that jealousy stems from low self esteem. If you know your boyfriend is not doing anything wrong and you know that you're acting ridiculous then you can overcome it yourself. When you feel yourself get jealous and insecure, take a few deep breaths and calm down, first. Then think about WHY you're feeling this way? Is it really him? Or is it something inside you? Try to get down to the REAL reason you're feeling this way... if you don't confront it you'll NEVER get over it, no matter how many drugs you want to take. Drugs can't solve insecurity issues.

Perhaps you should start allowing your boyfriend to hang out with his friends every once in a while. And when you two ARE together, try to spend quality time... instead of sitting at different computers.

A key to a healthy relationship is for both partners to have separate hobbies and interests and in some cases, friends.

He is obviously feeling more tied down than he's comfortable with. By being in another room, he is trying to get some of his own time and it seems like it's the only acceptable thing he does, even though you don't much like that either. Having individual time, alone time and friend time are not only healthy, but essential in a relationship. The best thing you can do at this point is own up to your very controlling and obsessive behavior...let him know you're aware of it and also frustrated and that you would appreciate if he would call you out on your behavior. When he does, though, you *must* back off. Tell him he should go out this weekend with his friends and that he deserves some time out. Then back off and let him go and have fun!! It just won't work otherwise.

what was the mishap?

Jealousy kills communication and love. Stifling him will drive him away from you. He wont want to talk to you as a result. The computer is a form of escapism. Forget yourjealousy and go give him a big hug. Kickstart your trust and his feelings again.

the mishap was that i jumped into our relationship before i was over my ex, and i still loved him very much and missed the things we did. Well i went to his house one day and we just hung out but i consider that cheating, he found out and got upset and out of spite started texting this girl, told her he wanted to be with her and how horrible i was, and i found out. we both owned up and tried to make ends meet, he forgave me, i tried but still hold a grudge til this day. Maybe that could be a part of acting the way i am. I tried to end our relationship several times but he wouldnt allow it and said we would work through our problems.. we talk everyday about what we are aggravated about but even though we talk nothing ever changes, might i add the stuff we talk about everyday are the same things over and over. We are both hard headed. I need a method to overcome this.

I'm right there with the poster that said medicine isn't the answer. I've been put on anti anxiety medication for a break up before. It was RIDICULOUS. I had trouble eating and sleeping and no motivation, because I was DEPRESSED. WHICH IS A PERFECTLY REASONABLE RESPONSE TO A BAD BREAKUP! It passes, though. This medication just delayed my healing. That's all. And that is usually the case for people with a fixable emotional issue. (Not violence against themselves or others...that's separate.) It made confronting the problem and getting over it take longer because I thought a pill would fix it.

I also have had a close friend and two boyfriends on anti depressants. I dated one for SEVEN YEARS and watched how it changed him...for the worse. And I've had another that was prescribed TWO by a doctor OVER THE PHONE. These are drugs that doctors often deal out very unethically and that do not help people feel better. They just numb them to reality A LITTLE, but definitely not entirely. If there is any way to deal with your problem, it's through EXPERIENCE and certainly through talking to someone.

And, I think it's important to know that you're not crazy. MOST of my friends, family, and myself have been through a relationship like this at least once. Obsessive behavior is quite often the result of a relationship with trust issues. And it's also really common early in your life, because you don't know who you work with yet or how to get respect from someone. What's important is that you don't surround yourself with other friends that do this. Girls can make a sport out of this in groups, I know. And you need to get a counselor if you want to keep this relationship, and YOU need therapy for yourself so that this doesn't ruin future relationships with good guys. Please do it for you. Either you need to break up with him and give yourself time with the girls. Or you need to get help for the both of you, because it's just not going to go away on its own. You'll probably ruin the relationship this way. I've been in your shoes, Honey. You're soooo not alone on this one.

And for the people that say it's all your fault...

IT'S NOT!

More often than not WOMEN especially blame themselves for a relationship failing or suffering. Chances are, this mishap had to do with your boyfriend being unfaithful, and you're blaming YOU deep down inside.

Your boyfriend cheating on you isn't something YOU can control. It's not YOUR fault. Stop feeling like you have to fix everything. It's not your responsibility to make sure he's faithful. I know it makes you feel bad about yourself, but someone cheating on you or being unfaithful is their doing. Maybe the hard truth is you just deserve better.

Are you too afraid to start over with someone else? Maybe you deserve better. It's not your job to fix someone else's bad relationship choices, only your own. Please don't put all the burden on yourself. Is that maybe why you watch him like a hawk?

I really appreciate all your answers it truly gives me hope knowing that im not alone and its not all my fault. I am very afraid to start over with someone else.. being that we have made future plans to move to Louisiana and start our lives over there, i feel if i find someone else they wont want to move with me. I think in all honesty that i do put it all on myself. I asked him about therapy his answer was a firm no!I do feel i deserve better because unlike him, i try to fix things and he doesnt. I was willing for therapy and he wont even think about it. which leads me to think he isnt too worried about making it through this. I definitely will do anything but resort to drugs to fix my problem. THat is why i am asking for a method to fix it. I think he doesnt want to go to therapy because of the cost...Again, i cant stress enough how much you have helped me to think abou things. It really is so greatly appreciated guys!!

He doesn't get to decide if *you* go to therapy.

Ok i retract my earlier comment as now I have the full story. This is about trust issues. If you dont trust each other then what is it that glues your ties to him?

i know but trust me he needs it just as bad as i do!!!!

i know but trust me he needs it just as bad as i do!!!! I think that if you guys do love each other that you should both try to put your feelings out there so you may be able to mould a better relationship. You both stuffed up so both of you must decide if you can really forgive each others behaviour because it is letting the quality of your relationship slide. Just put the past behind you if you want to move forward into the future together.

You just have to forgive,accept,get closer and live the dream. Or if you both choose to bring up the past with spite and cant move forward then why are you together?

we have decided to forgive and move forward.. i had to make the first step and let him go to the gym tonight with his buddies, i normally go with him but i figured i would let him go with the guys. So i pat myself on the back for making the first big move! we are currently talking about our problems and trying to do what each other asks.. again thanks for all the help

we have decided to forgive and move forward.. i had to make the first step and let him go to the gym tonight with his buddies, i normally go with him but i figured i would let him go with the guys. So i pat myself on the back for making the first big move! we are currently talking about our problems and trying to do what each other asks.. again thanks for all the help

That is fantastic news..good for you both

Right 2 jealous! a method! Firstly, spend some time apart! you have absolutely no time to yourselves or for other interests and this is indeed very unhealthy, as you know. It is also unhealthy for you, even though you most likely dont even feel like you WANT time away from him. I have been like this before too so don't worry, but I'm not any longer, though I am prone to what I would call 'healthy jealousy'.

I know how it feels to have to endure those painful jealous feelings where your blood literally boils, its not good for you.

Let me tell you aswell that I have been controlling before and, in turn, I have had those controlling behaviours turned on me, and I tell you what, I will NEVER be controlling again. It is absolutely horrible to do that to someone, it makes you feel stifled and on edge all the time, its awful. It actually made me ill when I was the person on the receiving end, I felt like my soul was dying and you most definitely come to resent and even hate the person you are with.

Talk to your boyf and tell him you want to make changes and actually do them this time, instead of just talking about them. Both be honest about how you feel and really investigate both of your behaviours and the reasons why you think you have those behaviours. You will have to almost wean yourself off all the time you spend with him, if you want to make this work. You will have to master the art of "keeping calm" as any new-found time away will most certainly send you into a panic, but you can do it. You just have to take deep breaths, even write out a little mantra to read (which I have done before). The more you practice this new 'healthy way' of living, the sooner you will get used to it and you will see the benefits. You need to teach yourself to enjoy your own space and time away from your boyfriend. Let him have his own friends, his own interests, it will make him feel alive again and also he will love you for it.

From an outsiders point of view, honestly, your boyf. sounds like a really nice guy who can be trusted, but he is clearly not happy and this behaviour will most probably drive him away if you dont start getting things into action. Get some self-help books on jealousy also as these books help when you are really "feeling it" and also can give very valuable insight into why you are acting this way and solutions.

Feel free to PM me if you need any further advice/help!