why do girls hate me?

I am a nice guy but I have problems meeting girls Even on these online matchmaker things I signed up for a few hoping to at least meet a friend and not 1 person took an interest in me. I have been alone for most of my life and im 23, nobody wants anything to do with me and I feel like a loser. Call me crazy but I think looks are somewhat important to the girl because I am not attractive and all the girls ive tried to talk to ignored me meanwhile whenever a pretty boy makes up a profile he will get tons of responses because the girl will say oh hes cute. In my case I think they are saying hes ugly or hes a creep. Anyways, I am who I am and I accept that but im sick of spending life alone and I don't want to die alone. 23 years without a relationship or even a good friend is too long and I think if I had somebody to talk to even online I wouldnt be so depressed. Next week is valentines day so im probably going to drink a huge bottle of rum to myself to take the edge off. Ive done that every year for like the past 5 years.

Believe it or not, they don't hate you. Only you do. What if you perceived yourself as "attractive"? What if you could make every single female within 25' wish you would talk to them? I am pulling your chains dued, or am I, but what if? It's all you, at all times. I would really like to help you out. PM me if I have not pulled your chains to far out of whack.

I think Blue streak gave you the best advice.

Coming from a female. I think it's the way you are carrying yourself and the type of vibe you give off.

It seems like you are trying too hard. If you try to force something to happen...it usually doesn't happen.

And for the girls who only go for looks...they weren't worth your time to begin with.

If someone can't look beyond a person's physical appearance....then they weren't really interested in knowing you for who you really are.

Again, not worth your time.

Meh thinks you should try working on your self esteem a bit.

I don't know if you are acting desparate....but if you are...it's gotta stop. Desparate isn't attractive.

Are you truly "unattractive" or have you just given up?

No one "hates" you.

I think you should take a time-out from dating, looking for that 'perfect girl" and just work on you. It might be very liberating. Forget about the women and focus on your talents and delay the girlie stuff for later.

its all about personality imo. I knew this one guy a few years back, he was pretty ugly, but once i got past that and started liking him for him i got such a major crush on him

a good way to not only boost your confidence but your looks is to join a gym. its whenever im single i start to goto the gym hardcore. i know that you don't want a girl that is into your looks but it couldn't hurt to work on your self-image right? also by building yourself you will also gain confidence..

That's the problem with online dating. Girls will look at your pics and judge you on the spot. Some girls are just shallow like that, but for the most part girls will do that because, until they meet you in person, that's pretty much the only way they can determine attraction towards you - and vice versa. That's just the way it is in the online world, my friend.

I'm pretty sure they don't hate you. It sounds like all you need is a bit of self-confidence and self-esteem! You're only 23 and you've got your whole life ahead of you, to meet people and grow romances. Online dating sites sometimes just aren't very successful. Why don't you just get out into the world and meet girls that way?

I don't know what you wrote in a dating profile, etc...but.. I have been looking at dating profiles and I will give you my take on what I have seen in people's profiles.

You know what...sometimes the words you write in a dating profile are more important. Say something interesting about yourself more than the typical "looking for a nice girl who has a good sense of humor and is understanding." Say some specific things about you that might interest people to know. You can tell sometimes when a person dislikes themselves, has no interests, seems like they would be too picky, etc. I do not look twice if someone wrote two lines about themselves.

Also, a photo of a guy who looks like he has his hair washed, is in a reasonable outfit, and is SMILING is much more attractive even if he is average looking or more so just not a looker than a guy who bone structure wise seems to be attractive but looks slimey and smelly. A set of values that matches mine or what i am looking for in a man certainly puts an average looking guy farther into the running than a hot one (which is relative anyways because what some girls like i don't!). I am not going to contact anyone at this point as my divorce isn't final for a few more weeks and although i have done a lot of healing, i have more to do, but of the two top guys that seem like people i would like to date...I would say one is definitely average looking (though i like dark haired guys and he DOES fit that reuirement), and the other guy is cute and considered more tradiitonally attractive, but not a model...kind of like "the good looking guy in your neighborhood" versus a Brad Pitt...or...Hugh Jackman who i think i far more hot than Brad Pitt.

Also, a photo that looks like you are in your bedroom sitting at your computer and is taken by your web cam, or a photo where someone can't really see what you look like also is a negative. In otherwords, I would not respond to a guy's profile if it looks like he is still in his pajamas. Take an effort to find a photo of you outside or something looking like you are enjoying what you are doing or at least have some interests or give a crap.

next time you dress up and go to aunt sally's piano recital or go to a benefit at the local hang out, make sure someone takes your photo.

How you doin' Mikey?

Read this. All pretty much common sense when you read about.

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I am not being condesceneding dude, I used to wonder the same thing sometimes.

I can't imagine why!

This is a pretty old post, but I just came accross it today. So, hoping the original writer sees this reply. I have the answer to your question. I know what it is, because I am cursed with the same affliction. Wish I could tell you that all these other people are right, and that the girls don't actually hate you. However, if I did that, I would be lying to you. The truth is, the answer is right there in the very first sentence in your post. "I'm a nice guy". I KNOW, it sounds like a good thing right? Sorry, it's not. Girls hate nice guys, they always go for the ones that treat them like * * * * . Assholes will win the girl everytime. It makes no sense but it is completely and utterly true. So, you are left with two options. Either change who you are, and start acting like a total * * * * * ... Or, keep being a nice guy, and spend you life as I do, hoping to find one of the very few girls out there that actually want to be with a nice guy. There aren't many but, I think some are left. And, if there are the search will have been worth it when you find her. As, for the not having female friends, I can't explain that one. Usually they like to have a "nice guy" friend, just have no desire to date one. That way when their boyfriend cheats, or does something mean again, they have a shoulder to cry on. Just dont expect to have a chance when they are single again.

agree 100%

Yup, that's pretty much how it is, A John. Couldn't agree more.

That's the thing with online dating - it's all about looks. All. It's slightly better than just seeing someone in person because you get a sense of what's going on upstairs in the ol' brainpan of the person, but a lot of girls don't seem to give a crap about that. Granted, those aren't the ones that are really worthwhile to know, but that fact still remains.

See, my brother and I are both single. He's been a partier, a smoker, a pot addict, has wrecked cars and had DUIs, has even lost a limb because of one of his accidents. He's terrible with money and has nothing he can really call his own. He lives with me in my house.

Me, to look at my brother, you wouldn't even think we were related. I have my ducks in a row - 401k plan, own a house, take care of my dogs, have a good job I enjoy, blah blah. But my brother is better conventionally looking than I am. I can write a great message to a girl, finding something funny to say regarding her profile info, all those good things that show some wit and intelligence - and my brother writes a literally one-sentence email to a girl, and the girl will reply back and give her phone number to him within the first message.

Why? Because he's good looking. Because he seems like a partier and a bit of a rebel. He's got all the earmarks of A Jerk, and women flock to that.

It's the same everywhere. In real-life out in the world, or in the cyber world. Looks count for all. I don't know if the OP is still out there and reading this, but guys like you and me, we have only a couple choices. We either work out a lot, or we get plastic surgery. Or both. That's about it.

No, no, no! It isn't about being an ass or a jerk. Individuals who have little success with women tend to think so, but it isn't true.

As you've probably heard from countless people: women like confidence. An easy word to say, but what does it truly mean? To me, confidence means a person who is very sure of themselves, who have goals in life, who have their own hopes and dreams, who are decisive, who trust in their own abilities and don't care what the rest of the world thinks of them. Jerks tend to have such qualities; they see what they want and go for it. Nothing gets in their way. But that doesn't mean that you have to be an ass to be successful with women.

Here's an example... I can be happy with my job as a researcher in a university. At the same time, I know that I can achieve more and want to push to become a fully-fledged professor at the university. I want my own lab to do my own research, with no one to tell me what to do. How will I achieve this? I plan on getting my Ph.D. While I may not get it from at the best university in the country, who cares? I'll have that diploma under my belt and be well on my way to getting that lab, while other people gave up long ago because their first choice refused them. Sometimes, you have to take the plunge and just do it to get what you want, and I want that lab. So I'm going to get it.

Now tell me, how sexy is that? Who wouldn't want to feel like he does? You have a person who is strong, confident, decisive. He's got goals and knows how to get there. He's driven, in control, and doesn't care what others think of him. He is someone that women fawn over. Is the guy above a jerk? No, not at all. He can be a perfectly cool and interesting guy to talk to, with a ton of funny stories to tell. There's this aura of adventure with someone who is so driven in life, and it makes people want to be part of that journey.

Women are attracted to individuals who they -think- have high value, individuals who have a lot going for them. Perception is reality. Something as simple as telling a woman where you work may seem innocuous, but it counts towards this idea. For example, most guys are extremely boring about telling women where they work: "I'm an IT consultant." What do you think of when you hear this? I think of some nerdy guy behind a desk typing away. And remember perception is reality; you are now a boring nerd in her eyes. Instead, what could have been said was: "I work at this huge consulting company. If anything breaks down anywhere, I'm the first guy people call to get it fixed." Sounds that much better, doesn't it? We've changed something that's incredibly boring into something that exudes a lot of power and value.

Looks matter, yes. But only to the point where you are well-groomed, well-dressed, and presentable. If you are able to convey a sexy, cool, and interesting personality... that trumps everything about your looks. I've had friends wear a green Peter Pan outfit, the most effeminate/dorky looking thing imaginable on a guy, and are still able to attract women, getting numbers left and right. They would do these things as a test of their confidence, and to help them build even more confidence. You feel ridiculous at first, incredibly self-conscious, and nervous. Women -will- laugh at you. But you know what? Who cares. Who else here is man enough to wear a Peter Pan costume in public? All eyes, all attention will be on you. It's nerve-wracking... but consider this: all the women around will want to talk to you. The silly costume opens up that opportunity for you. Then you start to talk and all of that silly crap melts away.

You have to stop thinking like a guy, because women care less about looks than guys do. Guys are far more shallow than women. There's no arguing against that fact. A stimulating social interaction won't do as much to a guy as it does to a woman. As I said, once you start talking to a woman, everything on the outside melts away. They start to focus on what you're saying, on your body language, on how you're saying things.

To further push my point, I want those who believe it's only jerks that get women to reread their posts. How many of you sounded whiny? How many of you pretty much cried: "Why am I this way?!?" It's like you've already given up and are saying: "Woe is me! I'll never get a woman!" STOP IT. It isn't attractive. Look, if you're going to be depressing and unhappy, people will sense it. And honestly, who wants to be with someone who is depressing and unhappy? Hell, would -you- want to hang out with someone who is like that? A person who complains about how women don't like him, about how ugly he is, about how lucky other men are. Or would you prefer someone who is funny, upbeat, and interesting? Someone who grabs you by the shoulder and tells you it's time to go find some hot women to have dirty, dirty sex with.

You can change. But you have to make the decision to do it first, and then have the willpower to see it through. Is it easy? Of course not. I was just like you guys not so long ago. But after the love of my life broke my heart, I resolved to change things. And now... I'm a whole new man. I'm not an ass, I'm not a jerk, I'm not mean-spirited. Yet, women love my company.

Now that I think about it... I can understand why some guys think only assholes get the chicks. I've had this very conversation with a number of my friends before. It has to do with flirting and teasing. If a girl in a group raises her voice a tad too loud, I'll immediately say: "Isn't she loud? Damn, how do you guys hang with someone so noisy?" Then flash a smile. It -seems- like a mean thing to say, but it's really not. You're not -actually- being mean (i.e. don't ever go so far as to say something like: "You're really fat and ugly.") You're flirting. You're teasing her. She loves it. That's what flirting is. It's this back-and-forth teasing, where you poke fun of each other. It demonstrates that you have the balls to say anything you damn well want to attractive women, and that you can take anything she throws back at you. Again, confidence.

There's a lot more to it, but I had no idea I'd be typing this much for a random, spur of the moment post. Good luck to you guys!

Lol Hey I used to think the opposite about being too nice of a lady to get a boyfriend. Thing is it isnt as easy to get a quality person as it is to get a dime a dozen person. If you were hurt and are bitter, then yea you are going to end up thinking that all men and all women want are assholes but seriously it isnt all and those arent the ones you want. There are nice people out there but you have to wait for them. I was single for 5 years before meeting one and I wasnt looking. I was content to be by myself forever to tell you the truth. Be happy with yourself, your family and your friends. Who knows if hanging out with friends or family is how you will meet the lady of your dreams

Yes I am corny but as popeye would say I am what I am good luck and stay positive and be happy first by yourself.

good luck and stay positive and be happy first by yourself.

And that's exactly it. That is probably the number one most important piece of advice when seeking a relationship. If you can't be happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else either. It all starts from within.

Believe it or not girls actually do like "nice" guys. But a lot of people think being self hating, desperate, over-friendly, etc. make them a nice guy. Girls just want a guy that is simply friendly, knows how to socialize, and is confident in himself.

Believe it or not girls actually do like "nice" guys. But a lot of people think being self hating, desperate, over-friendly, etc. make them a nice guy. Girls just want a guy that is simply friendly, knows how to socialize, and is confident in himself.

Finally! A guy who gets it.

We DO like the nice guy. The guy who is a gentleman. The guy we can take home to meet the parents. The guy who we can rely on. The guy who makes us proud he's by our side....who has manners, who takes care of us when were down, who can make a bad day disappear with his smile, who doesn't cheat or lie, who keeps his promises, who dates us even when we've been together for 10 years. Thats who we want.

We also want that same man to take charge when he needs too. To protect us, to have the guts to be the MAN! Who isn't scared to stand up to the plate when the going gets tough!

Right on furious and doyathink

I am 37 and I am in the same boat as you Mikeyboy only that I have been at your age and then some. I am getting pretty jaded about life when approaching 40. At your age, I was in the Army and wondered why I couldn't get a girlfriend. Many years later, I am still pretty clueless. Talking to them, asking them out, being a guy doesn't work. Being yourself (another thing that many women told me to be) has me spending the past 20+ years alone. My guess is that having money, a really nice car (saw a nice babe in a nice yellow sports car tonight after work) seems to be great at getting the girls, but probably not the nice, warm girls that aren't materialistic. Personality, lots of women say personality is the key. I am not so sure (from years of observations). Confidence. That is something. Since I haven't gotten a girlfriend yet, I am the last person to give advice. My only thing I have is persevere. Hang in there. You never know what tomorrow might bring. It might take 50 years (I have thirteen to go for that mark) before you meet someone special. Anyways, don't get hanged up on women. They are, after all, only human.

If it helps i'm alot like you only is i'm 20 but, i've been single my whole life, i'm the nice guy, etc etc. Looks wise i've psoted my pic on here and people told me i looked good/cute etc.

Never the less in person i feel down, low confidence and think someone find me good looking.

Interesting that so many share this experience.

I am only very rarely hit on by girls, but never had a problem picking up a guy ..

Maybe its because I just dont show the girls any interest at all?

Girls hate me too! I have been single for soo many years and if i talk to them they are all thinking 'i don't like you, i don't want to sleep with you!'. and all this talk about you are not confident etc. doesn't help anything because dude can't help the way he is.

best advice i can give is be productive in other ways and enjoy yourself in other ways. this isn't as good as having love but its a start. also if you see a girl you like just be nice and smile and be yourself and maybe one might respond one day! i also try to remember that the ladies are mostly top people who are friendly and loving and stuff and be happy for them all having all the sex!!!

also try to use up some testosterone with excersise etc. and i heard that liquorice makes you less in need of sex etc. but it might reduce sperm count or something, which could be bad i guess!!!