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Thread: "Deciding" to be exclusive?

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    "Deciding" to be exclusive?

    Are there really that many people/couples that, a certain amount of time into dating, actually have to make and verbalize a decision to be "exclusive"? How many people are dating more than one person at a time? It's not a wildly foreign concept to me, I can see how that situation could come up. But I and everyone I know certainly don't get multiple offers all the time, and, I think most importantly, I'm only interested in (or interested in starting a relationship with) one particular person at a time. I see comments or articles or tv shows were this comes up pretty frequently. Just curious about how often this is the case. Any thoughts/experiences/opinions?

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    Platinum Member Scorpion Fury's Avatar
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    I don't always date multiple people at once, but until we've had the talk, I believe we are both free to do so. I have had the exclusivity talk in every single relationship. It's usually headed there anyway so we both see it coming, but it's just making it official and confirming it so there's no confusion. we both know we're a couple, we don't just assume.

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    Platinum Member Clementine orange's Avatar
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    And this is what I said:

    I figure that until one has "the talk" (exclusivity talk) then one is free to sex whoever. However, I've found that if I am dating someone then I am interested in them so that means I'm not really interested in anyone else...hence I don't sleep with anyone else.

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    Platinum Member D_Lish's Avatar
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    I don't date and have never dated, more than one guy at a time. But I'm in UK...it's very different over here. Exclusive talks are not heard of either. Exclusivity is assumed, based on depth of feelings and how close you both become over time. If someone wants to be around you, you go places together, he introduces you to family and friends, takes an interest in your hobbies, interests, talks of a 'we', instead of an 'I'....then you know this is serious. I know when a guy is serious about me and if he wants more, without him having to talk to me and tell me.

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    Platinum Member D_Lish's Avatar
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    Plus, I only go out with guys, Im *really* interested in....thereforee I would have no desire to go out with others. I'd prefer to spend my time, getting to know him...

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    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
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    I've never had a talk with any man about that. I never needed to, I've never dated anyone that dense. C'mon people, you know when love has started and when you should be exclusive! It's not rocket science. I agree with men here that women obssess about the silliest things. Anyone that uses the excuse that you never had "the talk" as an excuse to date others after you have been together for a few months, is not someone you should date anyway.

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    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
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    i never make anything official without having the talk. whenever you assume, well, you can break up that word.

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    Platinum Member D_Lish's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thejigsup
    I've never had a talk with any man about that. I never needed to, I've never dated anyone that dense.
    Me neither....lol

    C'mon people, you know when love has started and when you should be exclusive! It's not rocket science..
    I agree 100%

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    Platinum Member D_Lish's Avatar
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    Perhaps these lot just like to wait for and hold off on the 'exclusive' talk, cuz it gives them an excuse to continue to sleep around?? lol

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    i can tell you about an experience I had. After dating a man for some months we did not verbalise "being exclusive". he did verbalise lots of other lovely things though such as" I have never been this happy. You and me are like twins; You are very special to me, Ive never felt like this before" as well as being introduced as his new girlfriend. We were both having a fabulous time with many "special Moments'. I wanted to verbalise our exclusiveness ,but didint becasue I found it awkward and thought he would be insulted a little at the suggestion it was clearly obvious to everyone our friends etc that we were a couple..it was also my first serious relationship after some years...Bottom line was that he slept with two other women once each, whilst we were together (had been together for months) I was heartbroken and betrayed. He had betrayed me without doubt and it was a huge emotionally gut wrenching time,. So my advice is to never by shy about it like I was, be very clear on your boundaries within a new relationship, it is usually quite obvious when the time is right. it took me a few years to get over this and longer to really like myself as I stayed with him because we hadnt verbalised our commitment.
    Last edited by loulee; 02-04-2009 at 10:03 PM.

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