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Thread: Does your SO call/text when out without you?

  1. #1
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    Does your SO call/text when out without you?

    Or do you expect them to? My long distance boyfriend never contacts me when he goes out. It's strange to me because when I go out, I think about him a lot and want to text him just to say hey, I miss you, etc. It's like as soon as he goes out, he forgets I exist.

    It's weird also because he used to text me nonstop when we weren't together. This is all pretty hurtful to me and he just doesn't get the big deal. Am I being silly?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jayar's Avatar
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    The fact that you can't go out and enjoy yourself without "missing him" is a problem. It's something you should deal with so that you won't BE hurt by this. The way he is acting is perfectly acceptable, and in my opinion you are overly needy. It isn't fair to project this neediness onto him or hold it against him that he isn't needy.

    Really there are two options (besides continuing on as you are, likely eventually driving him nuts, and losing him):

    1. Figure out how to be happy and comfortable with yourself, in your own life. Be away from him (or any man) without being needy.

    2. Find someone who has a similar love style, and you will be more compatible with them.

    Good luck!

  3. 01-31-2009, 08:29 PM

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    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    I too am in an LDR. When my boyfriend goes out to have fun, I expect him to go out and have fun. Not spend his time missing me. I don't expect text messages when he is hanging out with his friends. When he does, it's a nice little gesture.

    Why can't you go out and have fun when he does? That way neither of you are home alone?

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    my last bf was briefly LD because he was home and i was still at school over the summer. he used to text me ALL the time when we're not already on the phone/msn. it drove me CRAZY!!! he even texts me when we're out *together* but split because we're with a big group of friends and i dont want him stuck to me the entire time.


    the guy before that was LD too because we went to diff schools, we just text each other when we're bored lol. we didn't have too much issues with space... at first i would text him everytime i saw something that reminded me of him.. but as time went on, i just didn't feel like it. i still liked him a lot though.

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  7. #5
    Platinum Member Daligal83's Avatar
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    It would be pretty rude of him to be out with his friends, yet calling or texting you. He's out and he's busy. It's not that he's forgotten about you, he's just busy at the moment. When I was in an LDR, sometimes the only time we had to talk was when one of us was out. We'd answer, but only talk for a really short time so that we weren't being rude to the people we were with.

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    Originally Posted by Jayar
    The fact that you can't go out and enjoy yourself without "missing him" is a problem. It's something you should deal with so that you won't BE hurt by this. The way he is acting is perfectly acceptable, and in my opinion you are overly needy. It isn't fair to project this neediness onto him or hold it against him that he isn't needy.

    Really there are two options (besides continuing on as you are, likely eventually driving him nuts, and losing him):

    1. Figure out how to be happy and comfortable with yourself, in your own life. Be away from him (or any man) without being needy.

    2. Find someone who has a similar love style, and you will be more compatible with them.

    Good luck!

    I can and do go out and have fun without him, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him. I have my own life and my own friends, but I don't think it's strange for him to pop into my head and send a quick little text out.

    I would never expect him to have a long conversation with me over text or anything like that, just one simple text once in a while. I guess I just got used to this as the norm so now I'm wondering why I'm not "worth" getting those things anymore. It seems as though he isn't thinking of me once he is out, even though he says it doesn't mean anything.

    I'm really trying not to come off as needy with him or drive him crazy, but it is really hard to go so long without seeing him and when all we have is the phone, I expect him to use it.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    Well, I am not in an LDR, but yes..we generally keep contact throughout the day. If we won't, we will let each other know, such as "Ok, I am headed out..I'll call you when I get in..." type of thing. But it's very normal for us to text, or give each other a quick call if we are out for an extended period of time.

  10. #8
    Gold Member ~Unknown~'s Avatar
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    Wel I know exactly what you mean. I am also in a LDR and when I go out I usually send a short text just to say something sweet. It's not because I can't have a good time without him and it's not like I sit texting him all night, I just think it's sweet.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member ghost69's Avatar
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    whenever i went out with the boys, i used to send a 'hi' text to an ex just to let them know i was thinking about them. i stopped doing that because then i would get texts 'hope you are having fun. where are you guys? girls around?' blah blah.

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    Originally Posted by ghost69
    whenever i went out with the boys, i used to send a 'hi' text to an ex just to let them know i was thinking about them. i stopped doing that because then i would get texts 'hope you are having fun. where are you guys? girls around?' blah blah.
    Fair enough, but you start to learn your SO's habits. And I never have and never will do that. I would respond with a simple "miss you too" or "love you too". I don't think this is a big deal.

    Anyway, he's been doing slightly better this week. We'll see what happens.

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