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Thread: I dumped him... and now I want him back! Anyone have a similar story?? I'm desperate with guilt!!

  1. #1391
    Bronze Member Thebighere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    133
    Originally Posted by justagirl2
    This is me BG - changed my screen name a while ago because I just felt like Brazilgirl was too non anonymous and I write a lot about my life (or used to) in the journal section!

    You guys will not believe how my life turned out pretty damn well after this crazy suffering over my first love.

    I didn't just meet one guy who was just as amazing as my ex, but I met too. I also ended up going to business school and got accepted at my top choice with 60% scholarship (think Wharton, MIT, Chicago, Harvard, Stanford).

    I met my second long term boyfriend T on Sept of 2011, 1 year before I left Brazil to start grad school. T is the most amazing guy I've ever met. He's smart, ambitious, works in private equity but is the kindest and most humble guy I've ever met. We had a great relationship but we ultimately broke-up because I want to stay in the US forever and he wants to live in Brazil. I iniated the break-up as well and it was during the start of my second year of business school. I felt zero pain. I think I was sad for 1 week but never once doubted my decision not even when get got a serious girlfriend. I dated a lot before meeting T and after we broke-up. 8 months later, in July of 2014, I started dating my current boyfriend. I always told my friends and G and T that I was going to marry a successful, humble, good hearted, blue eyed and blonde hair Harvard guy. Since I was about 10 I said that to my friends and they would say I would end up with someone completely different. Guess what? Through Business School and with the help of online dating apps that made us actually go on a date, I met my blonde haired, blue eyed Harvard (Valedectorian) guy and after 1 year together we moved in. We live in NYC. He is amazing. He's so passionate and excited about his company, his non-profit. He inspires me every day. On top of all, he is so kind and so close to his family. He treats his mom so well, and he is just really generous. He also loves me a lot and we are probably getting engaged this year (let's not jinx it). Do I feel deeply in love everyday? Am I attracted to him every minute of the day? No. But at 28, I understand that this is love. Real life. A partnership. A decision to want to be together forever even though life is far from perfect. Funny how at 21, I didn't have this point of view or this experience. I wasn't ready to get married. I wanted to go to the top Business School and live in NYC afterwards. I feel like everything happened in a perfect way.

    As for G, he married the girl last year. However, I found out through an old account we used to share that he probably has no idea I check (I rarely do) that she cheated on her and was emailing the girl to maintain the affair 2 months before the wedding. Nobody's life is perfect, right? We don't talk at all but of course if we do see eachother things are totally normal between us. No more weirdness. As for my best friend who dated his best friend and got married at 24 - they just got divorced this year. She told me she's happy and relieved and is coming to NYC next week to spend time with us (her gfs). We haven't talked in person yet but apparently she's already dating and in love with someone else.

    I'm so happy that I waited until closer to 30 to get engaged as I feel like I'm finally ready to settle down with a guy who has similar values and similar goals to me in life. He's not perfect, but neither am I.

    What a difference 8 years make.

    The only thing that still flares up once in a while is my anxiety - but (knock on wood), I've never had such a bad episode like when I broke-up with G and was posting in this thread. They do say the first cut is the deepest... Somedays are harder than others, but the older I get, I realize life is hard for everyone. And Beautiful and magical at the same time.
    Thank you for coming back with an update!

    I am so happy for you that you found love Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #1392
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    514
    Hey guys I was talking to my husband about this post and felt like giving everyone an update. OMG, this place was SO special to me. I came here when I was 21. I've actually made real life friends from this place. I haven't posted much because I've been married - to the Harvard guy and we've been together for the past 6 years. I'm now 33 and we have a beautiful daughter together. The cutest 1 year old (next week). Married life is NOT perfect. Specially with a young baby and this pandemic but I really rest my case about meeting someone compatible at the RIGHT time. I genuinely think that I would have married any of my 3 longterm boyfriends. Harvard guy just happened to be the one I met at the RIGHT time. I don't believe in soulmates and that we only have one love so for everyone suffering right now: you will love again and a lot of times. timing is that make or break a relationship.

    This year was such a special year because I became friends with G's wife! The one I wrote about in my first post and we hated each other (we were catty 21/22 year olds). It's so crazy but G ended up moving to the US and also getting his MBA. The weirdest thing is that he ended up working for the hedge fund my husband worked right out of Harvard for 5 years. How crazy is that? The 4 of of us live in NYC but I've never seen them. His wife and me connected this year in instagram over her BRCA2 positive journey. She's going well but I work with Cancer so we really connected and I reached out to ask if she needed help in the city and apologized for being such a giant to her in the past. She was SO sweet and send me the sweetest message saying we were kids and now we are insta friends and we hope to meet up after the pandemic. How cool is that? im such a different person than I was when I started writing this journal. I'm a feminist and I feel so bad for the ridiculous and childish things I said about this girl in the past. Making up with her really made me feel so much better. After getting treatment for her BRCA+ gene, she is now pregnant with their first kid. I'm genuinely so happy for them. Life really does come full circle. Sometimes I still dream about G - I guess the first boyfriend, the first cut is the deepest. I do wonder sometimes what would have happened if we had gotten back together. That first puppy love is nostalgic. The first and the last - my husband and amazing father to my daughter. Our relationship is NORMAL. Marriage is not like in the movies and I'm totally ok with that. I love the little family we have built and hope to have 1/2 more kids... yes, I'm crazy. lol. My anxiety has been better, I just got unlucky that I took maternity leave and was back recruiting EXACTLY when the pandemic hit so I never thought I'd be unemployed this long. With things in NYC settling, I've been back at full recruiting and hope to be at work very soon. But perhaps, being with my daughter until she turns 1, and even having my husband at home for that time, was probably very good for her. She loves her daddy so much and I'm her mom of course. We also have a great support system - both of our families and my amazing nanny that's like a mom to me in the US. I do miss my parents dearly, they are dying that they can't be with their first granddaughter for her first birthday next week but they are back in Brazil and like the rest of the world have been in quarantine. I see my parents at least 3 times a year so this have been hard but I'm confident we will be able to see each other again by the end of 2021. I'm glad I quit my job and took 6 months off because at least she got to spend 3 months in Brazil (from 3-6 months) so she was able to have contact a lot of contact with my family - although they will need to win her over again when they see each other again. Everything gets better guys, and nothing is perfect. Love shouldn't be all consuming, it should be a decision that you make everyday to build a life and a family with a person. When you have kids, you realize just how resilient you have to be to stay married. I do believe my hubby and me will be together until the end of days because we make that choice daily, but it's not like the first puppy love. it's a more mature, stable decision. That's what I've learned.

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