"privacy" at home.

What kind of limits do you set on your children for privacy?

My son has argued with me about it. He said that he needs privacy, but I have told him that there is not really any need for a child to have "privacy" from his own father, thereforee he is not allowed to close his door at any time. Also he gets mad and says I am "violating his privacy" if I open up his mail -- but I do not actually read most of it. If it is urgent I just open it up and put it on his desk for him. As a parent though I have a right to know what his happening in his life. Also I have asked him since September to give me his password for his e-mail accounts both for his school and for his personal one, and he refused because of "privacy". I explained VERY clearly that I might need to at least use his school e-mail in case there was some kind of emergency.

You are being far too invasive.

What are you looking for?

how old is your son?

How old is he?

Wow, if my parents were like this when I was growing up I would've rebelled to the highest extreme. I feel personal space is totally necessary. Why can't he shut his bedroom door? I mean, it's not like he has a girl in there right?

It all really depends on how old your son is. If he is under 13 years of age, IMO you have a good argument. However if he is older and has never given you a reason to suspect anything fishy...you need to back off and give him some privacy.

As other posters here have said, you're being far too invasive. Opening his mail? Not letting him close his own bedroom door? Asking for his email passwords??

There is a limit. Wanting to be involved in your son's life is one thing. This is entirely another.

As a father of 2 I have to say that it is our responsibilty to care for them. I know we get protective because they are our littlies. Just keep an eye on him if you feel something is wrong then talk to him.. I can tell when my kids are lying to me so it is then to give them the fatherly talk.

It can get scary with drugs...bad friends and criminals floating around in society but we have to give them a little trust to develop . If we stifle them they will never reveal their feelings to us and we risk losing them totally. They will rebel.. I think your behaviour is a bit stifling.

I dont mean stop caring but watch them carefully they are our resonsibility.

I let my boy close his door...he is 12.He is reaching puberty and it is a time to be understanding.

omg that's awful. You won't even let him close his door??? what if he is getting dressed or something?? That poor kid.

As a father of 2 I have to say that it is our responsibilty to care for them. I know we get protective because they are our littlies. Just keep an eye on him if you feel something is wrong then talk to him.. I can tell when my kids are lying to me so it is then to give them the fatherly talk.

 

It can get scary with drugs...bad friends and criminals floating around in society but we have to give them a little trust to develop . If we stifle them they will never reveal their feelings to us and we risk losing them totally. They will rebel.. I think your behaviour is a bit stifling.

I dont mean stop caring but watch them carefully they are our resonsibility.

Not to mention,

Being overly protective and snooping only leads to one things:

Your kids getting extremely good at hiding things from you.

Instead of spying and being demanding, have an open dialogue with your son. Start the communication flowing and he won't hide things from you.

Also, he's a lot less likely to have unprotected sex, get into drugs, or join a bad crowd after you've earned his trust and you can talk to him about what to do.

Not to mention,

 

Being overly protective and snooping only leads to one things:

 

Your kids getting extremely good at hiding things from you.

 

Instead of spying and being demanding, have an open dialogue with your son. Start the communication flowing and he won't hide things from you.

 

Also, he's a lot less likely to have unprotected sex, get into drugs, or join a bad crowd after you've earned his trust and you can talk to him about what to do.

Exactly....Dont make your son go ito a shell. Be his friend. My son asked me about sex the other day..I was glad he asked me.Who else can give your child a loving real answer about sex? Do you trust the media to educate him?The tv makes us out to be dogs!! We have to teach them..

He also asked me about condoms...I told him in a caring way what they are. It isnt easy but he looked at me with a smile and said ok dad..turned over and went to sleep..

It feels a little awkward when your son starts getting curious about these things because our little boys are approaching manhood. Dont push him away .. Love him respect him and reprimand him when hes does something wrong. We can only do our best as parents and then hope they follow on a good path with gods protection.

I'm 21, it wasn't too long ago that I was a child so I can sympathize with your son. I think you need to back off, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Obviously you care and worry about your child, but don't you think that showing him that you trust him will get you farther than going the invasive route? He DOES need privacy, it doesn't matter how old he is. I feel this way because my parents gave me all the privacy I needed. When I was bad, I was punished. But they never made me leave my door open, or snooped through my belongings, or went through my phone. They trusted me, and I appreciated that more than anything.

He is 25 years old

 

I take it this is the son that you have posted about before a few times.

I think you are treating a twenty-five year old as a two year old and it is long past the time you stopped. Iit is extremely unhealthy.

It is disturbing that you would act like this and even more disturbing that he would tolerate it.

Holy Guacamole!! If this is about a 25 year old then he definitely needs to back waaaay off!

I think it is time for the 25yo to cut the cord and move if dear dad is acting this way towards him.

I sure hope you are speaking of a much younger son.

25!!! Holy smokes!!! Man.I think you need the help. I was married with a baby daughter by 25!! Leave the guy alone!! He may have awoman under the bed for crying out aloud!! He should have a lock on his door!!

 

 

I take it this is the son that you have posted about before a few times.

 

I think you are treating a twenty-five year old as a two year old and it is long past the time you stopped. Iit is extremely unhealthy.

 

It is disturbing that you would act like this and even more disturbing that he would tolerate it.

 

 

 

I'm honestly blown away by this. I was expecting maybe 12-14...but 25? If my parents did something like this, I would be gone so fast their heads would spin.... I think you need to chill out and give him some space. Why do you feel that a grown man doesn't deserve any privacy?

I think it's time for the son to move out, if he can.

i really hope this is in reference to a younger son, because a 25 year old is NOT a child, and it's a little disturbing that you are referring to him as one. how do you expect your child to grow up if you call them a child and refuse to give them any space?

Whoa. I retract my previous statement, this isn't even a child we're talking about here! Why isn't he out of your house yet? Why do you allow him to stay? It seems to me like you are afraid to let him go.

I think he maybe (well, I hope) referring to a younger son.

I grew up with overprotective parents and had minimal privacy. Heck, I have a lock on my door now and my parents still open it - they lied and said that they didn't have any keys for it.

I think this had a negative impact on me psychologically and partially why I am so shy sometimes.

I don't mind, I can't change how my olds think and I will be able to afford my own place soon enough. I'd love to rent, but I would be seen as a 'bad' son if I did so - I am single, unmarried etc...

You seem like a good father!! I can see why you're a top bloke!

Yikes. If I were your kid, I'd probably be constantly high out of my mind, have knocked up a few girls, and been in and out of prison a few times. Being overly invasive is just as bad as being neglectful.

This has got to be some sort of joke, right?

This has got to be some sort of joke, right?

Unless this guy was watching too much jerry springer i would say hes playing us all like puppets.

i really hope this is in reference to a younger son, because a 25 year old is NOT a child, and it's a little disturbing that you are referring to him as one. how do you expect your child to grow up if you call them a child and refuse to give them any space?

Why do you feel that a grown man doesn't deserve any privacy?

Numerically he is an adult but he is acting like a child by choosing not following the rules at home. Part of why I tell him not to close his door is because it is also about being able to follow the rules. Most children know by 3rd, or 4th grade they have to follow the rules. By not listening to the rules or picking and choosing which rules he likes to follow, he is basically ACTING like a child. I am helping him learn about the real world, because in the real world there are rules to be followed. In the real world if there's no smoking in say an office building, you can't just smoke because you feel like it. If he can't learn to follow the rules at home in a calm, controlled environment, he is NOT ready to be out in the real world.

Also, I never even close my own door even when I sleep. I change my clothes in the bathroom.

I am also still paying for him to go to school. If he were living on his own it might be different. I actually told him that he was free to get another apartment once our lease on this one expires and that I would move out, but then he would be on his own. He will pay for his tuition and all other expenses by himself. He told me that he didn't want that. If he wants me to pay for him, then he should also respect that I am still his parent and that he should be following my rules.