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Thread: sources to help me get used to my changing mindset about pregnancy

  1. #1
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    sources to help me get used to my changing mindset about pregnancy

    Hi,

    I think I learned about 'the birds and the bees' too young. It made me feel awkward about the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. Awkward in general because I was aware of things before I was ready. I learned to read pretty early and the story goes, that we were in the library and I brought a certain book to my older sister or my mother. First came discomfort knowing about the sexuality part (if you have a baby, everyone knows what you did to get it - that was my feeling and maybe there was an element of shameful feeling?), and then knowing how giving birth can mean pain and blood and such.

    Fast forward to age 27 and my husband and I are not trying to prevent anything....

    Soooo, if anything happens, it is fine. I am still shy and awkward inside when people talk about me and being pregnant. Recently we went to visit my husband's friend who has become a father, and he and he wife made a couple comments involving phrases like "when YOU give birth." It made me feel a bit like

    My reason for writing is because I want to read articles or blog entries, or see video, by people who felt they didn't want to have any babies who later changed their minds (preferably NOT because they made a surprise, but through other means). Is there like a book or something for people like me? Aknowledging the past feeling and making the transition to being comfortable?

    I don't know what search terms to google.

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    I wanted nothing to do with being pregnant or having babies until one month before I became pregnant for the first time. It was incredible, I had never felt so warm and alive and full of purpose and beautiful before. The birth was on the long, lonely side but I had the satisfaction of knowing my child would be well cared for and well loved (I gave her up for adoption). I felt just as good with my other two pregnancies until the very end because I was usually feeling ready to give birth about three weeks before the baby was due. The deliveries were not super easy but totally worth it. Babies are the bomb.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member BellaDonna's Avatar
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    I have some things in common with you. I never wanted to be pregnant- never wanted to hear about birth, and having kids was not a priority for me. Overall I am not very maternal naturally. I never felt an overwhelming drive to have a baby.

    But my husband is a wonderful man and I wanted to have a baby WITH HIM and only him, once we reached the right place in our life. I was 27 when I became pregnant with our son.

    I did not really enjoy being pregnant overall. There were some parts of the experience that were joyous and felt like a miracle, and some parts that were beautiful- I was pleasntly surprised but overall I found the whole ordeal rather unpleasant- particularly when people talked about giving birth. Being pregnant did make me feel vulnerable and like my body was not my own. When you are pregnant, suddenly everyone pays attention to you and they all have opinions. Never in my life did I hear more unwanted speeches about what I should be feeling, how I should bring my child into the world, whether or not to breastfeed, etc. etc. It is very personally invasive, and it can give you a headache, if you let it.

    I had my son via elective c-section. The c-section birth was peaceful and and recovery was relatively easy for me. It certainly felt good not to be pregnant anymore.

    My son is toddler now and I could not imagine life without him. I'm an example of someone who was not really maternal, not a fan of pregnancy, etc. Yet I know I am a very good mother and sometimes I surprise myself. I feel proud. My son is my biggest accomplisment (Before I had him it was my master's degree and my career lol).

    Don't focus on changing views/midset. Just be who you are. Who says you have to enjoy every second of pregnancy? -it's really none of their business. You are not required to talk about birth with anyone. (I always used to just ignore it and change the subject) Part of what bothered me about pregnancy was how much society ruins it by telling you what it "supposed" to be, and what you are "supposed" to feel. Just ignore all that BS and make the experience your own.

    If you and your husband love one another and have love to give to achild, you will do fine.
    First came discomfort knowing about the sexuality part (if you have a baby, everyone knows what you did to get it - that was my feeling and maybe there was an element of shameful feeling?), and then knowing how giving birth can mean pain and blood and such
    Well, look at it this way. You and your husband are married- most people will pretty much assume you are sexually active- if they don't then there is something wrong with them. If you got pregnant I doubt anyone would give the sex part of it any thought. No one would be surprised. There is nothing unnatural or embarrassing about a husband and wife having a baby.

    Also remember, pregnancy is a temporary state. (Thank goodness for that!)

  4. #4
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    Well, here are things I do to help myself.

    I read books about baby care and childbirth. I think about what my birth preferances might be. Learning about the process seems to help a little bit.

    I collected baby clothes at yard sales (deals like $3/bag) and I sorted them. The idea is the get used to the paraphernalia.


    It has helped, but I would still like to read about people in my situation.

    I am going to find a baby doll in my mom's collection that is realistic in terms of size to a newborn and play pretend - I never did this motherhood scenario as a child.

    Does anyone have any idea about what search terms I should google to find appropriate websites, articles, or blogs?

    Thanks!

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