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Thread: How do you get over your soul mate?

  1. #1
    Dmd
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    How do you get over your soul mate?

    It's going on a month now since my girlfriend broke up with me. She was more than my girlfriend though, she was the person I considered to be the "one", my soul mate and the woman I not only talked about a future with, but pictured one with for the first time in my life.

    She's currently dating another man, and I believe she's falling for him. How in the world did she get over me, when she claimed to have felt the same way about me, and how in the world do I get over her?

    I can't think of another woman. I just think how I could of avoided the breakup, and what I could of done to change things for the better. I look back and see opportunities I could of seized and my heart is filled with regret for not doing so. I just hurt so bad, and regret so much...I don't know how she can't feel the same and how I can feel better.

    I would love any advice, I'm rock bottom when it comes to my emotions here.

  2. #2
    Mutley
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    Been there.

    She's not your soulmate. there will always be another if the current one doesn't work out.

  3. #3
    gee
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    Sorry for what you are going through man. Seriously, if she was the "one" like you mentioned you guys would be together right now!

    What caused the break up? How long were you guys together for?

    What's done is done and there isn't much you can do about it. Especially, now that she has a man and is possibly falling for him. You need to step away and take care of yourself first. Stop wondering what she might be up to. She has a new guy now..STAY AWAY! Strict NC for you pal! Good luck and keep your head up. Things will work out bud.

    gee

  4. #4
    melrich
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    I don't think it is a good idea to run a whole bunch of "what ifs?" through your head. There is really no way to avoid the heartbreak you are feeling right now but just hold on to the the knowledge that you will start to feel better and you will eventually meet someone else (even though that seems a remote possibility now).

  5. #5
    yankeefan74
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    A person can be your soul mate and not be the person you're supposed to have a romantic relationship with.

    Plenty of people consider their best friend their soul mate.

  6. #6
    amtjrtcet
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    You don't get just one soul mate...I promise. You don't get tons, but definitely more then one.

  7. #7
    justletgo07
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    Try to think about your ex and your relationship this way: "Being with my ex was only a preference. I did not and do not need to be with her. I only want to be."

    I know many people believe very strongly in the concept of a "soul mate," and if that is truly your belief, then I say stand proud and strong in your defense of it. However, if you can determine that this soul mate idea is something emotionally driven, then detaching from that idea might be helpful. There are 6 billion people on the planet, and odds are, you could find yourself in a very happy relationship with any one of them.

    Just try to relax, friend.

  8. #8
    savignon
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    It's very possible to have a deep, soulful connection with someone is who is not going to be your life partner. It hurts immensly to go through a break-up like that, especially when one person has moved in a timeframe that feels very pre-mature. We all wonder exactly what you are wondering....how could this person have loved me as much as I loved them if they've already moved on?? I don't have the answer, but can share in the hurt of that. Your life partner is still out there and you will have an even better soul connection with her....promise!!

  9. #9
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    You'll be on your way to getting over her once you realize she wasn't your 'soul mate' (I hate this Hallmark term) to begin with.

  10. #10
    misspearl
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    Hey...sorry you're feeling this way. Me and my ex didn't work out either, and we both thought we were each other's soul mates. I still strongly think that. Not sure if he does too- I don't speak to him anymore. He couldn't bare to keep in contact with me after the messy break up. I don't think he's seeing anyone yet, but I know that the day has to come some time.
    So, its been nearly 5 months now since the break up. First month - devastation, disbelief, disoreintation, did some things that i shouldn't have when both our emotions were raw, so ended up hating each other at some point, second month, sort of a repeat phase of the first one, i was just rock bottom. There was no other way to describe it. I went insane. I am so glad I'm not at that place anymore- because at the time it really feels like there's no way out. I guess you're at that point at the moment? I really thought i had gone so low it might take forever to get back to normal- i couldn't even predict how long it would take going back to normal because i had lost concept of time. I couldn't imagine ever feeling normal. It makes me want to shudder when i think about how depressed I was. So many people used to say 'oh, it doesn't feel like it now, but they'll be someone else'. But It used to aggrivate me, I was just constantly like 'No, he's my soul mate, he knows that as well, we're meant to be together this shouldn't be happening'. I couldn't bare it, really. The light used to hit my eyes in the mornings and I'd wish it hadn't, if I'm being totally honest. So feeling that low, I'm so surprised and so glad to say that phase only last a couple of months. It's a gradual recovery. The main part of it does not entail your heart magically being clued together into perfect form, nor does it entail having your thoughts completely demolished, none of that is what recovers you. It's ACCEPTANCE. I couldn't/wouldn't believe it in my subconscious for so long. Finally you start to accept it. You had a life before this person you have a life after this person too. You can't do anything to change things, so why pain over it? Why ruin yourself over something that you can't change?
    Directly in answer to your question 'how do you get over your soul mate...' that I can't quite tell you. Because whilst I'm in a stable, happy, regular state of mind now, I don't know if that entails being 'over' my ex ENTIRELY. Some say you have to find someone whom you loved as much as your ex in order to be 'entirely' over he or she. I still haven't met anyone who comes CLOSE to taking my ex's place, but i can thankfully say that I don't need to be with someone else in order to get over him to an adequate extent. I still think about him a lot, and if i were to see or speak to him my heart would pump insanely, but after a while it doesn't matter. You finally accept your fate and you're happy to bury your hopes and just hand your wishes to destiny, because eventually you'll get what's right for you, what's best for you and your life, even though it might not seem like it now. I think everything happens for a reason. And things aren't clear unless you can see the bigger picture- which none of us can ever see, because Time is linear. But it's also a healer. The only answer is patience....at that point, things which would now cause emotional outbursts, would after a while become old to your mind and heart and would simply just be acknowledged as a fact which wouldn't bother you much, rather than something you would break down over. Just don't have any fear, as human beings we have a natural fear of the unknown. This is part of the trauma. But don't associate anything that is going to happen with fear. Let go, it's not as scary as it seems.

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