Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: Found dirty pics of his Ex on his computer

  1. #1
    looking_up
    Member looking_up's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    US
    Age
    36
    Posts
    89
    Gender
    Female

    Found dirty pics of his Ex on his computer

    I'm so incredibly confused. I wish I could talk to someone close to me but its so humiliating.

    I've been with my bf for over a year. It was LDR until last Nov.

    He moved most of his stuff in in Oct. I found nude pics of his ex in his junk drawer around that time. As horrible as it made me feel to see them, it was a bonafied junk drawer. I had no reason to not to believe him when he said he had no idea they were in there. He felt really bad and apologized up and down for me having seen something like that, and had me toss them out. I told him I found them through the IM. In the IM when I first said I had found the pics he asked "on the computer". I'm such an idiot and didn't really register it, plus his computer wasn't here yet.

    But last week I got this awful intuition like bad feelings and started thinking about that incident. I went on his computer and there they were, a bunch of dirty pics of his ex. Even worse the modified date on the file was 9-24-2008. 3 days before our anniversary (going off trak for a sec) an anniversary where he did absolutely nothing - not so much as a card, * * * * he could have sent an email or something. He said he didn't think about it because we he was busy with a wedding he was in and was for one of my family members. Again, completely understandable even though it hurts so much - he was really busy and stressed(so I thought)
    Back to the date. I had written a special card for him, and meticulously calculated the dates to make sure I sent it off on the right day so that it would get to him on our day. I feel like such a fool, putting so much effort and love into something while he is jacking off to pics of his ex.

    This time when I confronted him he said that he had just moved the hard drive from his old computer at that time into the new one. He said he knew the file was there, he had opened it just to see what was there and was not looking at it the way I thought. He said he intended to delete it but forgot. He claims to have no idea what he deleted or changed from the file for it to have set the modified date. I know this isn't true, no other files on the drive had the modified date changed, it doesn't' just randomly change it in one file when you install it.

    After finding the first pics, he was fully aware how hurt I felt about seeing such stuff and the idea he would look at it. I even had him put his old cards and normal pics from her in storage. He also knew I was really insecure about his ex after finding out he tried getting back with her for at least a year after she cheated on him. He promised to let me know anytime she called. This means he knew damn well how I would feel about him having this kind of stuff.
    HE KNEW the file was on his computer. He did NOT remove them before moving the computer into my home. If it was some trophy or nostalgia * * * * he could have burned a copy and put it in his storage unit. He says all he ever thinks about is me and would never intentionally hurt me, if this was true the minute he opened that file he would have been instantly embarrassed and deleted it, I know I would have.

    He refuses to explain himself at all. And refuses to do anything to build the trust back up, pretty much says we're going to break up if I don't let it go. I'm angry and hurt right now so I'm sure I'm exaggerating the truth. Although as he sees it - moving here to be with me is enough, apparently that was our anniversary present and all the proof I should ever need that he loves me and only thinks of me.

    I don't want to be that stupid girl again who makes excuse after excuse. I keep thinking I'm the one with the problem and blowing it out of proportion, but its how I feel and it hurts so much. I hate being a fool, and it is so devastating because I've never felt so connected to someone before - this behavior was a sheer slap in the face, I never could have thought this. Maybe porn - but not this - this is so much worse and so much more personal.

    Sorry for the long post I think its officially a rant, I didn't proofread either, its hard enough to get the courage to write all this, let alone read it again

    Please say someone has been where I am, worked it out, and has advice on how to build back trust. How do I get him to open up and tell me the whole truth? Or am I just setting myself up for failure?

  2. #2
    SapphireNoir10
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,018
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    169
    I think your over reacting. He might have forgotten about it or he might not have realised you'd find them. Doesnt mean he doesnt love you. My ex has pictures of me in underwear (never done nude, dont know who'd get there hands on them) he might forget to delete them and his ex might stumble upon them. Theres no deeper meaning than that.

    The man MOVED to be with you, please get over your jealousy before you destroy your relationship.

  3. #3
    solariseclipse
    Bronze Member solariseclipse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    27
    Posts
    121
    Gender
    Male
    i suggest you tell him to delete all "dirty" ex girlfriend pictures as you aren't comfortable with him having them. if he refuses to delete them, then you gotta take action. (

  4. #4
    SapphireNoir10
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,018
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    169
    I agree. Ask him to get rid. If he doesnt. Then you have a problem.

  5. #5
    thejigsup
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Age
    60
    Posts
    7,655
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    417
    Stay or leave. Those are the options open to you. Good luck.

  6. #6
    Miss Firecracker
    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    8,528
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    36
    This man knew how much it hurt you when you found those photos. And after that (if I understand correctly) he went to the computer to refresh his memory. He obviously treasures his nude photos more than he does you. You will probably see this pattern continue. It will be this, that or the other. Just expect it. And if he didn't get rid of the photos that day he went back to look at them, you shouldn't ask him to do it now.

  7. #7
    looking_up
    Member looking_up's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    US
    Age
    36
    Posts
    89
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by BlueAfterglow08 [Register to see the link]
    He might have forgotten about it or he might not have realised you'd find them
    If the mod date hadn't been just before our 1yr I could understand forgetting, and the thought of him purposely keeping them thinking I wouldn't find them is so hurtful, I would never keep something I knew would hurt him.

    I understand what you are saying, I just have to figure out how to believe it myself.

  8. #8
    shikashika
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Age
    39
    Posts
    5,651
    Gender
    Female
    well, all I can say is that i was cleaning up my computer a few weeks ago and found 'dirty' photos of an ex that I had saved ... and completely forgotten about.


    He could have forgotten about them... how do you want him to explain himself?

    You are being snoopy and I understand that you'd rather they weren't there, but honestly checking down to the point where you can see where it was last modified??? That is verging on stalker-ish behaviour!

    I'm curious to know why he has to let you know every time she calls??

    If I found a boyfriend was going through my phone or my computer, I'd be furious!!

    It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on him, and by doing that you are just pushing him further away by insinuating you do not trust him.

    Also, you ask, how can you make him build up the trust again? What about you? what about you building up the trust again from snooping through his photos on his hard drive and going down to the detail of when they were modified??

    Why not just take some dirty photos of yourself or a video of you getting yourself off and send it to him? I'm sure he'd love it!! And, you would be the confident one to say, "Hey boyfriend... look at me...look at what you got!"

    That would build up his trust towards you too!

  9. #9
    TBE_1989
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    England
    Age
    27
    Posts
    559
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    You have every right to be annoyed.

    A lot of young guys have this habit of making their girlfriends feel like insane drama queens when they confront them about a problem. Don't let him do this. Ask him to delete the pictures. Tell him strongly that you were annoyed by them and that it's disrespectful to you to keep such pictures on his PC.

    His reaction and response will tell you what you need to do.

  10. #10
    Catdancer

    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Age
    43
    Posts
    4,124
    Gender
    Female
    It does kind of sound like you are over-reacting. I would start by telling him that you love him and you dont want to lose what you have. Explain that it hurt your feelings and made you feel inadaquate, almost like you were being compared to his ex. Ask him if he would consider removing the pictures from his computer, just to make you feel better. If he is understanding and removes the pics, that is your que to forget it and value him for the good man that he is.

    If he acts like a butt head and/or refuses to delete the pics, kick his butt out.

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
I don't know what to do but I really need help!
My boyfriend and I met online through a dating/social media app. We've been together for almost 4 years. I'm at the point in our relationship where
I cheated on my wife and now she is pregnant
Hi As the title says, i cheated on my wife and now the girl is pregnant. Ive been with my wife for 22 years since i was 18 and she was 16. We have
Wife Secretly Watches Porn, Possibly Masturbating But 100% Denies
Ok i sincerly apologize for this being EXTREMELY LONG! If you read all this. Thank You In Advance! My wife and I have been together for 9 years
Helping boyfriend with his fear of Opening up?-need guys perspective
Little back story and please refrain from judgment i just think this is something you need to know to really give me your opinion on him. I recently
Desperately in need of help
Hi everyone . My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and up till now , i'm still feeling pretty obsessed with her . We broke up
Advice needed: Is my boyfriend set in his ways, already?
Childhood background: Boyfriend is an only child who never met his biological father and was raised by a single mother who has never dated throughout
Trust vs mistrust
Yesterday my boyfriend (22) of 3 years told me (21) that while we weren't together over a time span of 8 months, he had slept with other people. I
Featured Threads
my boyfriend mom is my boyfriends girlfriend, thats just the way it seem!
Ive known my boyfriend for years, but, we never dated UNTIL a year ago. And some things has start to bother me about him and his mom relationship
Disconnect
This might sound weird I never brought it up to anyone. Does anyone else feel a huge disconnect. What I mean I always feel like I'm just reading a
Wife thought I shaved body hair I never had, is she cheating
I had my shirt off this morning and my wife of 23 years asked why I shaved my shoulder hair. I have never had body hair from birth on shoulders
5 years together, no reason for splitting..
Hi, thanks for taking the time to read this. Um, so. My girlfriend of 5 years (i'm 25) split with me. And i'm torturing myself over not
How do you know when it's Love?
I've been dating a man since early November. I met him through mutual friends and we spent a lot of time being friends only before we started dating
Tired of being alone
I work two jobs and go to school, I only have one night a week where I am off before 10pm and on those days I'm off at 6:00. My life is crazy but
Playing the field - When do you stop talking with other people and go exclusive?
I'm about two months into the dating scene after getting out of a four year relationship. I've matched with a number of women on Tinder and Bumble
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •