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What a shy guy does to show interest in a girl(List of signs)


the_shy_guy

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I previously posted this thread in the "Dating" section, this forum seems more appropriate.

 

I found this site a couple weeks ago and decided to sign up. So for my first post................

 

I see the same threads being made daily with the topic along the lines of "When a guy [insert action] what does it mean?". Being a shy guy myself I'm going to explain what some of our actions towards a potential date/girlfriend/ or crush mean.

If a shy guy does the following he definitely have a crush on you:

 

1. Looks at you when you are not looking (looks away when you look at him)

 

2. Doesn't talk to you when with your friends

 

3. When trying to initiate converstaion, asks dead end questions -

 

e.g "Did you do your homework?" instead of "How did you get on with your homework?"

 

4. Ignores you -

 

This is the most misinterpereted. If he completely ignores you in a public setting he likes you.

If he converses with you and politly excuses himself in a hurry with no real reason he doesn't like you.

 

5. If he puts you on the spot when conversing with his friends he likes you.

 

6. If you flirt with each other via text/ msn etc frequently and you agree to go on a date and he suddenly stops texting/msn'ing he is too shy/scared or broke. He still likes you but will be embaressed from then on.

 

7. If he flirts with you via eye contact, you approach him and he says very little but has no intention of ending the converstation, he likes you.

 

8. If he has known you for a long period of time and is now randomly initiating conversation with you when it is not required (ie. group work in school etc), he likes you.

 

9. If you casually mention your boyfriend and he takes longer than usual to reply or add on to the conversation, he likes you.

 

10. If you think you are polar opposites and he keeps initiating conversation with you, he likes you.

 

11. If he acts different towards you than anybody else, even guys lol, he likes you.

 

How do you let him know to make a move:

 

1. Give a subtle/cheeky smile and a quick/little wave - if he doesn't act on it he is definitely not interested

 

2. Ask of his future plans (ie. for the weekend etc) and when he is free. If he responds using the word "nothing", he is interested. All you have to say is "me too" with an awkward silence after, he should ask you out.

 

3. Initiate conversation when no other friends are around. With no pressure he should talk freely. A simple "Hey. It's freezing/roasting today isn't it?" should do the trick.

 

You should also know:

 

1. Shy guys don't reject girls harshly, we would rather make up a polite excuse as to why we would not go out with her.

 

So to conclude, I hope this helps girls that are unsure about us. The best advice I can give is approach us when there are no peers around.

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Wow, great job on this. I totally agree with everything, except the part about ignoring the girl.

 

I've found that if she's alone, I won't ignore her, but if with friends, or otherwise unavailable to me (from a shy guy's standpoint), then I will ignore her.

 

"The best advice I can give is approach us when there are no peers around," this is very true, but an alternative (if the girl is also shy), is to look available for us to approach when we see you (i.e., don't look busy, be surrounded by other girls, etc)

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Wow, great job on this. I totally agree with everything, except the part about ignoring the girl.

 

I've found that if she's alone, I won't ignore her, but if with friends, or otherwise unavailable to me (from a shy guy's standpoint), then I will ignore her.

 

"The best advice I can give is approach us when there are no peers around," this is very true, but an alternative (if the girl is also shy), is to look available for us to approach when we see you (i.e., don't look busy, be surrounded by other girls, etc)

 

Yup

 

And also, even though shy guys are quiet, we have LOADS to say.

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This is great info! I happen to be with a 'shy guy' and I'm very social so I have the hardest time understanding him. He's always staying away from me or ignoring me in the type of situations you guys describe and he has tried to explain this to me but I didn't understand. The way you put it, NOW I get it!

 

If I look busy to him, he'll hardly ever say or do anything to let me know that he wants my attention. If I look busy, he finds something to do and ends up by himself. This has been one of our biggest, most confusing problems the past two years.

 

And yes, he asks those 'dead end' questions and I end up looking at him, scratching my head...

 

We confuse each other a lot.

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"1. Looks at you when you are not looking (looks away when you look at him)

 

2. Doesn't talk to you when with your friends

 

3. When trying to initiate converstaion, asks dead end questions -

 

e.g "Did you do your homework?" instead of "How did you get on with your homework?"

 

4. Ignores you -

 

This is the most misinterpereted. If he completely ignores you in a public setting he likes you.

If he converses with you and politly excuses himself in a hurry with no real reason he doesn't like you.

 

5. If he puts you on the spot when conversing with his friends he likes you.

 

6. If you flirt with each other via text/ msn etc frequently and you agree to go on a date and he suddenly stops texting/msn'ing he is too shy/scared or broke. He still likes you but will be embaressed from then on.

 

7. If he flirts with you via eye contact, you approach him and he says very little but has no intention of ending the converstation, he likes you.

 

8. If he has known you for a long period of time and is now randomly initiating conversation with you when it is not required (ie. group work in school etc), he likes you.

 

9. If you casually mention your boyfriend and he takes longer than usual to reply or add on to the conversation, he likes you.

 

10. If you think you are polar opposites and he keeps initiating conversation with you, he likes you.

 

11. If he acts different towards you than anybody else, even guys lol, he likes you.

 

How do you let him know to make a move:

 

1. Give a subtle/cheeky smile and a quick/little wave - if he doesn't act on it he is definitely not interested

 

2. Ask of his future plans (ie. for the weekend etc) and when he is free. If he responds using the word "nothing", he is interested. All you have to say is "me too" with an awkward silence after, he should ask you out.

 

3. Initiate conversation when no other friends are around. With no pressure he should talk freely. A simple "Hey. It's freezing/roasting today isn't it?" should do the trick.

 

You should also know:

 

1. Shy guys don't reject girls harshly, we would rather make up a polite excuse as to why we would not go out with her.

 

So to conclude, I hope this helps girls that are unsure about us. The best advice I can give is approach us when there are no peers around."

 

 

 

 

 

A shy man WILL ignore you when he starts to get anxious HE WILL GET SCARED IF HE SEES YOU WANT HIM TO or notices that you are "watching' him and waiting bcuz he feels the pressure BUT he will find some way to keep the connection going..even if he ignores you for a while such as saying hello, catching you looking AT HIM stopping you to give you some random info or ask a dead end question, etc.

 

I think the OP would agree with me IF they are coming around and being in your face (or hanging out near you, by you, any place he can see you) EVEN IF HE IS TERRIBLY SHY that means he wants you but just can't get it together to approach you for a date.

 

IF HE STOPS DOING ANY OF THIS FOR MORE THAN A DAY OR SO then he is not interested but even the shyest of men won't go away completely JUST BEING CLOSE ENOUGH TO LOOK (OR STARE) AT YOU IS FLIRTING TO THEM AND KEEPING YOUR CONNECTION GOING!!!!!!!!!

 

Its all about there comfort level and what they percieve as the truth about you and themselves.

 

I am going through this now so i am getting good at reading his shy guy - anxiety filled signals. After all this time he still won't go away or stop his "stalking" behavior..lol..he's still trying to get comfortable with me and i am letting him do that bcuz i see the improvement in him.

 

There was a time he couldn't make eye contact or even say hello - now he can do that and so much more!!! We even share a few laughs regularly now and we both stay around one another as much as possible now..something he also had trouble with. He use to be a nervous wreck around me.

 

Now he only gets nervous if i do something special for him or to show him i think he's special; emailing him, baking for him, sending him a card..he gets really nervous and anxious BUT he won't stay away from me. He will be where ever i am (he knows my schedule now) so he is always where i am supposed to be BEFORE I GET THERE sometims even making it very obvious he is there to see me, hang out by me, etc. so i know my gestures are working bcuz if he didn't like it HE'D GO AWAY AND STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

He has even started coming around me more and initiating conversation so i know its working!!!!!!! Especially when i tell him on Monday i thought about him over the weekend or that something made me think of him - its made him so much more comfortable now...he smiles so much now when we talk.

 

So don't give up on them, they are worth it.

 

 

I hope this helps as well.

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I forgot to add, he repeats himself ALOT with me. He will approach me to ask me about something we already covered. Wether i emailed him the info or we talked previously AND he will nervously repeat the same few words to me over and over when talking to me.

 

For example. I asked him about boxes that were being stacked in the lobby and he told me it was cookie dough (i recently gave him a tin of baked goods) and he was like "oh yeah..its cookie dough so you go help yourself.."

 

Then i said that i had already finished my baking and he said it again "its there so go help yourself' then i said that i may next time..and then he thanKed me for the second time for the cookies I BAKED FOR HIM him (he thanked me already when i first gave them to him) and then as he was leaving he said ''go help yourself to the cookie dough'' AGAIN!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!

 

He does that sort of thing alot..i assume thats nervousness on his part =) he's so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I know when someone is super shy they tend to have an issuewith talking on the phone and soetimes emailing as well. Especially if it s nervous and anxious guy who is inexperienced. For some reason having to reply or call someone is sometimes a very diffiuclt thing..not sure why though.

 

Fear of looking awkward or silly?

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I know when someone is super shy they tend to have an issuewith talking on the phone and soetimes emailing as well. Especially if it s nervous and anxious guy who is inexperienced. For some reason having to reply or call someone is sometimes a very diffiuclt thing..not sure why though.

 

Fear of looking awkward or silly?

 

Spot on again.

 

When I was around 16 I texted a girl I had the biggest crush on to go out with me. When we met I couldn't even talk to her, I was frozen with fear. It didn't help her best friend came along.

 

A year later I thought i had recovered so did the same with another girl. I ahdn't learned my lesson. She rejected me and I felt extremely embarrassed. From then on I don't like talking on the phone, on msn texting, or anything like that.

 

If I can't communicate face to face with someone, i wont talk to them at all.

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Wow. I always thought that girls were like never into shy guys. hmm. tell me more please! Are a lot of girls like that? r shy guys as unnoticed as they think they are?

 

There are a lot of attractive shy guys out there. Shyness is one of MANY attributes that make up a person, right? So though some shy men and woman may see themselves as faulty in some way because of their shyness, it is important to realize they probably have a lot of other things that make them attractive.

 

So sure, girls can be attracted to shy guys, not necessarily because they're shy per say, but maybe because of other things: their smile, the way they carry themselves, their manners... there are a lot of little things that make up a first impression.

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My current BF was shy, I had no idea he was interested despite a couple months of working together and so on... he finally screwed up his courage and kissed me on the cheek before running away after a business meeting. (well, after a happy hour after a business meeting) Then we fought about it a couple days later, LOL... because I thought it was him having a few drinks too many and didn't want him to get in trouble, so I said, "these things happen". He then started shouting that he doesn't kiss people unless he means it and then it all kind of sunk in. Kind of funny looking back at it.

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I will break this down as to how I interpret these behaviors.

 

 

1. Looks at you when you are not looking (looks away when you look at him)

 

Lack of confidence, insecurity

 

2. Doesn't talk to you when with your friends

 

Again insecurity

 

3. When trying to initiate converstaion, asks dead end questions -

 

e.g "Did you do your homework?" instead of "How did you get on with your homework?"

 

 

Uninteresting

 

4. Ignores you -

 

This is the most misinterpereted. If he completely ignores you in a public setting he likes you.

If he converses with you and politly excuses himself in a hurry with no real reason he doesn't like you.

 

Manipulative

 

5. If he puts you on the spot when conversing with his friends he likes you.

 

 

Manipulative

 

6. If you flirt with each other via text/ msn etc frequently and you agree to go on a date and he suddenly stops texting/msn'ing he is too shy/scared or broke. He still likes you but will be embaressed from then on.

 

Insecure, manipulative

 

7. If he flirts with you via eye contact, you approach him and he says very little but has no intention of ending the converstation, he likes you.

 

Uninteresting

 

8. If he has known you for a long period of time and is now randomly initiating conversation with you when it is not required (ie. group work in school etc), he likes you.

 

When is conversation required?

 

9. If you casually mention your boyfriend and he takes longer than usual to reply or add on to the conversation, he likes you.

 

Insecure

 

10. If you think you are polar opposites and he keeps initiating conversation with you, he likes you.

 

This one doesn't bother me.

 

11. If he acts different towards you than anybody else, even guys lol, he likes you.

 

This applies in most circumstances to all people

 

How do you let him know to make a move:

 

1. Give a subtle/cheeky smile and a quick/little wave - if he doesn't act on it he is definitely not interested

 

2. Ask of his future plans (ie. for the weekend etc) and when he is free. If he responds using the word "nothing", he is interested. All you have to say is "me too" with an awkward silence after, he should ask you out.

 

3. Initiate conversation when no other friends are around. With no pressure he should talk freely. A simple "Hey. It's freezing/roasting today isn't it?" should do the trick.

 

The man should be the initiator, in the situation. He shouldn't wait for a woman's approval.

 

You should also know:

 

1. Shy guys don't reject girls harshly, we would rather make up a polite excuse as to why we would not go out with her.

 

Lying

 

 

 

 

Why would anyone find these qualities attractive?

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Man, this sounds exactly like me and the shy guy I'm dating... haha it's so awkward sometimes when neither of can say anything at all, but don't want to leave or hang up!

 

This is a biggy but subtle one from yesterday.

 

If he strategically positions himself so that you'd be sitting next to each other, even if he doesn't talk to you, he's interested in you.

 

that one is huge.

 

I know when someone is super shy they tend to have an issuewith talking on the phone and soetimes emailing as well. Especially if it s nervous and anxious guy who is inexperienced. For some reason having to reply or call someone is sometimes a very diffiuclt thing..not sure why though.

 

Fear of looking awkward or silly?

 

it'll sometimes take me a minute or two to get up the courage to press the "send" button on a text message or email, even if it is just a simple question. I'm just embarrassed by what I'm saying/doing/asking sometimes and I have no idea why.

 

totally agree with the "cuuuuuute!!" comment though. He's absolutely adorable. I just wish I weren't so shy as well.

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here's a question, when you know a shy guy is interested, what will make him feel more at ease with you and get him to open up more?

 

I think letting him know that you sometimes feel shy too will make him feel more in kindred spirits and at ease. Like when you said this line.

 

it'll sometimes take me a minute or to to get up the courage to press the "send" button on a text message or email, even if it is just a simple question. I'm just embarrassed by what I'm saying/doing/asking sometimes and I have no idea why.
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here's a question, when you know a shy guy is interested, what will make him feel more at ease with you and get him to open up more?

 

Just talk to him... and if the situation permits itself get him to do some sort of contact sport... A little one on one basketball works great. It puts him in a strange positon because he doesn't won't to play rough, your a girl. He's not really interested in the game and therfore isn't focusing on trying to win. But once you have more points than him that natural male instinct begins to come out. He's not about to lose to a girl so now he has to cover your moves more closely that means he has to get closer. Now he's caught in the uneasy position for he wants to touch you but doesn't know how but the game of basketball forces him to have to cover your shots and that means touching. It also means having to look one another in the eye.... O well just try it you'd be amazed how well it works...

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There is no one on this planet more shy than myself... I used to be so quiet and unnoticed I was practically invisable. Always so afraid of rejection I'd rather be thrown in lion pit than dare ask a girl out. Never wanting to get caught looking was the worst mistake one can make, read on.

 

A revelation came to me one morning and that's when everything changed. It's okay to let a woman see that you take a sexual notice in her. Will that get you a date with her, No! But it will get you a date with a woman that has the same feeling towards you, If she doesn't see that you take a sexual interest in her then your just another "nice guy" she would have liked to date, but you never gave her any clue that you saw her in that way. Second and more importantly is the fact that all women see men as dogs to one degree or another and if your not being a dog your not sending out sexual clues. Really women are not as offended as one might think about men and their dog behavior. In fact it's when men are not being dogs that sends them the signal of boring. So, see its far more hurtful to your dating potential, by not being a dog and thus lotting you into the "Nice Guy zone". Now I'm not saying a man should behave as a jerk towards women but if your not being a dog your not going to register on her radar as dating material. It's okay to be a little bad, your still the nice guy that women want but a nice guy doesn't really garner attraction. Always remember before any date can happen there must be attraction and the two are as opposite in rules as quantum phyiscs and relativity. Be sweet and nice on the date but to get the date you have to be a little outspoken, opinionated, stuborn, and uncompromising... Be the Dog.

 

If you keep in mind your not really asking for a date therfore your not going to get rejected. Your just saying aloud what others dare not speak of and if she gasp your on the right track.

 

Some of the things posted by the orginal poster are close but I really don't think being shy means no confidence. "Confidence" on face value seems to extend beyond it's meaning to include things it doesn't represent when it comes to a shy guy. I've know some fairly shy guys that could ride a bull , and wrestle an alligator but couldn't be dragged accross a floor to ask a girl out. So, Confidence isn't the right word to use for confidence must have bravery and I have no question these shy guys are brave. They are just shy when it comes to asking a girl out. You never here two women say O' I think he's just a low confidence guy they say O' I think he's just shy.

 

 

As I said at the beginging there is no one more so shy than myself on this planet. I'm also a really nice and decent person deep down inside. But I'm aware that neither of these traits bleed attraction. So, I now say what's on my mind and I make no apologies in letting a woman know I find her sexy. It's not rude it's not disrespectful and she wants to know a man sees her in that light.

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I agree ALWAYS let a woman know you find her appealing, interesting, beautiful, fun, etc. If she feels you desire her AND she is the one that desires you..well then things should fall into place. If she's not THE GIRL and doesn't feel the same way, then honestly you have lost nothing and won't ever look back and wonder what if...what if i had showed her, what if i had expressed it to her in some way, what if....?

 

She won't know unless you let her see it.

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I agree ALWAYS let a woman know you find her appealing, interesting, beautiful, fun, etc. If she feels you desire her AND she is the one that desires you..well then things should fall into place. If she's not THE GIRL and doesn't feel the same way, then honestly you have lost nothing and won't ever look back and wonder what if...what if i had showed her, what if i had expressed it to her in some way, what if....?

 

She won't know unless you let her see it.

 

Very well put Me lady. Maybe if these shy men heard a few more women speak up about how they want to be told they are found to be interesting and beautiful. Then maybe these shy guys would wake up to the fact that it's okay to tell a women these things. The root of the problem for shy guys is the media and television try to protray it as women find it offensive if a guy whistles at a woman.

 

Now you tell me what woman deep down would be offened if she walked past a group of guys and they all stopped what they was doing to watch her pass? A woman wants to know she still has what it takes to get looks and that's the truth. Whether they want to openly admit it or not.

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"Always remember before any date can happen there must be attraction and the two are as opposite in rules as quantum physics and relativity."

 

Now I understand! Nobody ever put it in those terms before!

 

On the serious side, though, that does make sense.

 

It makes sense because it is the reality. Believe you me I couldn't tell you the number of stories I've been told or heard of women all wanting nice men. Yet why is it they always go after the direct opposite? Attraction isn't dating or a realtionship, its all about lighting a fire. This is why the rules are so totally different between the two, they are like oil and water they just don't mix. Now, if your a decent guy and you can master this art of being the opposite of what you are when first meeting, then your going to be a woman's dream guy come true.

 

All you have to do is remind yourself ever time an instance presents itself. when you say in your mind "O' I couldn't do that" ignore it and just go do what you wouldn't. It's easier than you think and if you get shot down no big deal. Because attraction is more about getting as many bullets in your plane as possible. It's dating where you don't want to get shot down. So, don't think the two are linked they are not. If she's agreed to go out on a date she's already found something about you that's interesting. That's when and where you show the manners your mother taught you. But before there can be a date one must be attractive and that doesn't mean it's based on looks. I've seen plenty of not so good looking guys with some great looking women. Why is that? Sometimes it's money but the majority of the time the guy has an appeal to him, be it charm or he's just great with humor.

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