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Thread: I can't see myself with anybody, any time soon

  1. #1
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    I can't see myself with anybody, any time soon

    I've never had a long term relationship. In high school, i had a few interests and a few dates, but no real physical experience, love, or lasting relationships. I am not clueless, but am not well practiced in dating skills.

    About me. I'm a third year engineering student. Only a few girls in the program, and I generally don't have much interaction with girls, outside of one who is a good friend, and a few i talk to occasionally on the bus.

    Due to the workload, i am busy. I don't have much free time. When I do, I like some down time, some sport/exercise (like cycling), and occasionally go out with my mostly male group of friends.

    Due to the circumstances, I can't see myself meeting anybody for me, or committing time to a relationship before I graduate.

    I don't feel unattractive, but I rarely make an effort to put on more than torn jeans and a hoody.

    After I graduate, I will probably get a job and stuff, and then the chances of meeting somebody go down. Chances are, I will be busy learning my new job, and committing my free time to sports like cycling and hockey.

    At what point will I meet somebody, start a family?

    I can't say I am looking to meet somebody now, but when I do, will there be somebody there?

    I often don't feel lonely, but sometimes - usually the winter months - I do a little, and my mind ponders what things could be like.

    Everybody has physical desires.

    Am I worried, or bothered? Right now a relationship is not high on my priority list - I'm not looking for one. But obviously I think about these things, the future.

    I just tell myself that when the time is right, or when I least expect it to, things will just fall into place.

    And, if it turns out i don't have a family of my own, if nothing else, i will have more disposable income.

    This is just a few thoughts thrown together. It is in journals, because it is a little too personal to post to a blog, and I'm not really here to seek out advice, but sometimes you just want to write down your thoughts.
    Last edited by definitely_maybe; 11-29-2008 at 09:02 PM.

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    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    I just feel the need to get something off of my chest right now, but I don't feel like whining via a Facebook status or blog post, so I figured I would just throw it up here in my journal.

    Every day is exactly the same. Each week is the same.

    Right now I am on summer vacation. No school, no homework. I'm working at a low stress job. I am enjoying the low stress.

    That said, it seems not a lot interesting is happening. Each day I do the same things. Wake up, make breakfast, pack lunch, pedal my bike to work, work, pedal home, eat supper, and sit around and surf the internet and watch tv. I don't have any close friends, and I don't get out much.

    A couple days a week I get together with a group and ride or race my mountain bike, and it brings me great pleasure.

    This post has a similar mood to the previous one I made months ago. Things are not awesome and exciting, but at the same time, things are not bad. I'm just sitting here inside my comfort zone. Doing things I am comfortable doing. Am I bored enough to make a change? Probably not.

    In just over a moth, things will change dramatically, and I will go back to the stresses of school.

    Later this week, some relatives are coming for a short visit. Maybe that will lead to something fun.
    Last edited by definitely_maybe; 07-29-2009 at 11:46 PM.

  3. #3
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    I'm in my fourth year of engineering at university, and one of my classes is 100% male. Not a single girl in the class. How about that.

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    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    I see link removed mentioned often here. So, randomly I decided to join. There seem to be a lot of "hot" girls there. Notice how I put a slightly negative connotation on hot by using the quotation marks.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    More on the "hot" thing. I can't see myself actually dating a really hot girl. Do I have low self confidence? I don't really think that is why I feel this way.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    i think you need to get some women into your life!!! have you considered joining a club or organization where you will meet women naturally? church youth group, dance class, volunteer at an animal shelter. Clearly you won't meet women in your 100% male engineering class.

  8. #7
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    i think you need to get some women into your life!!! have you considered joining a club or organization where you will meet women naturally? church youth group, dance class, volunteer at an animal shelter. Clearly you won't meet women in your 100% male engineering class.
    Even my mom has been hinting more and more lately that I need to start checking out some girls. I'm 21 years old, and my dating life has been non-existent.

    I'm hesitant to get involved in more activities, because school keeps me really busy once it is in full swing. My sister once shared a quote with me which I think is rather true.

    "everything you have ever wanted, lies just outside of your comfort zone."

    or something like that.

  9. #8
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    More POF observations.

    This is a somewhat interesting way to kill time.

    There seem to be quite a few girls aged 22 or under who have a child already.

    At 21/22 years of age, it seems many have already graduated college and started a career. Me and all of my friends are still in university, trying to get through our 4 or 5 year programs. It's almost shocking to realize that I could be working full time already, if I had done a 2 or 3 year college program.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    do your program, do what makes you happiest. i was a science major in college, finishing a phd now. i loved my science and calculus classes, 2 women and like 70 men, lol! it was great! like shooting fish in a barrel!!

    i think, honestly, please do approach that cute girl and ask her for her notes or studying together or something. college is a really great time in your life, when you are surrounded by tons of single people your own age. as you get older (lol, my age) more and more of them are married. and if you ask her to study together or something, it's just such a natural way to get to know each other.

  11. #10
    Silver Member definitely_maybe's Avatar
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    I'm back to type my random thoughts in my ena journal thingy.

    Me and my school friends. We see each other at school all the time. We sit together in class, we chat, we help each other with work when we can.

    But, the truth is, though we are "friends" we rarely hang out outside of school. In the 2+ years I have been hanging out with these people, I might be able count on my fingers how many times we have done something outside of school.

    Of course, part of the problem is that we are mostly insanely busy. College/university is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable times of your life, but being in one of the toughest programs offered, makes it hard to enjoy.

    I'll keep this in mind, and if I see an opportune time, I might propose another little off campus get together. I think another one of the problems is that each one of simply fails to take the initiative to propose something.

    I think another problem is that, at the core, we are well, engineering students. You know the stereotype. Geeky, shy, inexperienced. While there are many counterexamples, and we are not socially awkward, I think some of the stereotypical traits are evident, to some degree.


    Oh, and why not another POF update. My profile has not gotten that many views. I have not received any messages. I have not contacted any users. I have added a couple to my favourites list, as their profiles did interest me, but I have not contacted any of them. I still have conflicting feelings. Starting online communication has no downsides, and what could possibly go wrong. But, I don't do it. One of my biggest reservations is that I don't want to take my focus away from my studies.

    This is one of the things I struggle with. Any time I do something, or consider doing something for me, for fun, there is guilt. I feel like I should be working on school stuff. I hesitate to make plans to do anything. This just leads to procrastination, and not getting full enjoyment out of the time I don't spend working. I don't make plans to do something fun, because of the guilt, but I don't get things done anyway.

    I'm trying some new time management techniques. Basically, just scheduling my time by the hour each day if I truly want to accomplish things. It seems to be going ok. Hopefully I can keep the motivation to stick with it. If I am feeling really un-motivated, and I don't have any work that is pressing to be done, I make a much looser schedule, or I don't make one at all. When I do make a schedule, I write it down, so that it is set. Mentally making a schedule does not work. But if I write it down, I am much more likely to stick with it.

    If I can get more comfortable managing my time, I should be able to schedule some more "fun" time, and not feel guilty about it. I can do it.


    This turned out to be a longer entry than I first anticipated. Hmm. I guess I've got a few things on my mind
    Last edited by definitely_maybe; 10-04-2009 at 12:22 AM.

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