"pregnancy discussion" failed... Now what?

Me and my boyfriend of about one month just started having sex last Tuesday... And we had sex on Thursday. I just came off my period last weekend, like Sundayish maybe..

Thursday, he released in the back, but I think he may have not been completely, yknow..... So I'm afraid it's possible I might be pregnant. No protection was used, and I am not on the pill. (I know, my stupidity... Sigh)

Anyway, after wards on Thursday, I got quiet and he asked me a couple times what's wrong... So I finally asked, "what would happen if I got pregnant?" And he just sorta got quiet and said something like, "I don't know".. then later, he said "How would your brother react? Or your mom..." And I was kinda just thinkin, ...yeah, totally wasn't even talking about THEM, talking about US here... Didn't say it, should have but. Oh well. Anyway, he just looked at me and was like, "Well, your not, so don't worry about it." And he made the joke that unless I was having sex with someone else, I couldn't get pregnant. [Obviously, he hasn't heard of pre-ejac...] Anyway, I just don't know what to do, because what if, yknow? It's that ever present what-if-i-did that bugs me. I really think I need to talk with him about it, but I just don't know how without scaring him... I don't think we should continue having sex until we've talked about what we would do if I got pregnant, even if he does 'pull out'. It's still a possibility....

I agree you need this discussion, but you also need better birth control to prevent pregnancy happening.

You need to sit him down and talk to him about pre-ejaculate, and also discuss what method of birth control you will use as a couple, whether that is condoms/spermicide, pills, or whatever. You also can use Plan B now if you are worried about being pregnant or slip up or a condom breaks.

So don't focus on 'what happens if you get pregnant' but focus more on making sure you don't get pregnant by trying to get reliable birth control in place, and not allowing any instances of sex without at least a condom put on before he gets anywhere near you, and preferable combined with another method like spermicide foam and/or birth control pills.

I think it's time to try this discussion again.

Don't take a joking approach to it, tell him right from the start that you're being serious and that you need to know what the plan is before you continue on having sex and making sure you're on the right page.

And quite frankly, until he's ready to step up and maturely talk about this, I would be holding off on sex. Accidents happen, protection fails, stupidity exists, you need to know what the two of you are going to do.

Talk to him again.

If you're using the pull out method, you will get burned. Get yourself protected. That should be your first step in all of this.

I agree you need this discussion, but you also need better birth control to prevent pregnancy happening.

 

You need to sit him down and talk to him about pre-ejaculate, and also discuss what method of birth control you will use as a couple, whether that is condoms/spermicide, pills, or whatever. You also can use Plan B now if you are worried about being pregnant or slip up or a condom breaks.

 

So don't focus on 'what happens if you get pregnant' but focus more on making sure you don't get pregnant by trying to get reliable birth control in place, and not allowing any instances of sex without at least a condom put on before he gets anywhere near you, and preferable combined with another method like spermicide foam and/or birth control pills.

I agree with everything BeStrongBeHappy said. I think it is wise for you to have this discussion seriously with your boyfriend. I am glad you are being mature enough to realize that if he won't talk about these things, you shouldn't be having sex with him. Now be responsible and take preventative measures.

The fact is that what he would do if you got pregnant is dependent upon what you would do. You have the legal right to decide whether to have the baby or get an abortion and although he can express an opinion you get the make the decision.

So you should ask yourself what you would do before you ask him.

And of course you should be using protection.

So you should ask yourself what you would do before you ask him.

 

And of course you should be using protection.

Yeah. I already know I am against abortion for myself, it's not something i could live with. And although adoption is an option for me, I would really rather not have to do it. I don't want the first baby in me to be one I give away because of stupidity...

And I took it from a perfectly serious standpoint, but I think the idea scares him. I realize it's only been a month, but if we're having sex, then we need to be using protection and know what we would do in case it fails.

I agree with everything BeStrongBeHappy said. I think it is wise for you to have this discussion seriously with your boyfriend. I am glad you are being mature enough to realize that if he won't talk about these things, you shouldn't be having sex with him. Now be responsible and take preventative measures.

I think that's partly why I am glad I waited to lose my virginity until now [yes, my first time was that last Tuesday... er, well the one that just passed] I know stuff happens, and can happen.

I just need to figure out how and where to get birth control without my mom finding out... I snagged one of my brother's condoms [i know, lame...] and might do that every now and then [with the hope he doesn't realize] but I don't know...

And I know the whole 'pull out' thing doesn't work, I don't know who he's kidding... I plan on not having sex next week because from what I've been reading that might be my 'ovulation' time or whatever, and it will give me a chance to have a serious discussion with him on it. Should have done it in the first place, probably.... But hindsight is better than no sight I suppose.

Then you need to tell him that so he can give an answer based on fact not speculation. If you tell him that if you get pregnant he is going to be a father with responsibilites.

Can you call your local Planned Parenthood office? They can help you get birth control, and since you are 18, you don't need parental permission to get it. They also may be able to refer you to get free condoms etc. if you don't have money.

Can you call your local Planned Parenthood office? They can help you get birth control, and since you are 18, you don't need parental permission to get it. They also may be able to refer you to get free condoms etc. if you don't have money.

hm.. Thanks. That actually is more help than any one has given me on this subject. [yay for being 18 I suppose... lol. Another reason I am glad I waited.]

Can you call your local Planned Parenthood office? They can help you get birth control, and since you are 18, you don't need parental permission to get it. They also may be able to refer you to get free condoms etc. if you don't have money.

Quick question: What if the closest office is a 35 minute drive and you don't have a car?... Do they not have birth control at like pharmacies?

Quick question: What if the closest office is a 35 minute drive and you don't have a car?... Do they not have birth control at like pharmacies?

Sounds like you need a friend to drive you. You need to be responsible and use protection.

Sounds like you need a friend to drive you. You need to be responsible and use protection.

Yeah.. That would have been the smart thing to do in the first place... I tend to realize the 'smart, responsible' thing a bit too late unfortunately. If anything happens, I'll just work through it from there and accept the consequences. Even if he doesn't... Which I guess is one thing I'm more worried about.

You can buy condoms and any other birth control other than pills at any drugstore or grocery store. But you need a doctor's prescription for birth control pills. You can also buy Plan B at drugstores and some groceries.

Planned parenthood provides all kind of birth control education services and can prescribe pills, and may have free condoms available.

You can buy condoms and any other birth control other than pills at any drugstore or grocery store. But you need a doctor's prescription for birth control pills. You can also buy Plan B at drugstores and some groceries.

 

Planned parenthood provides all kind of birth control education services and can prescribe pills, and may have free condoms available.

Think they might would sell it to me without an ID? I'll probably just get a friend to buy it just in case, because I don't have my ID on me...

Listen, don't beat yourself up over making a mistake (and yes, unprotected sex if you regret it is a mistake). I'm really proud to see that you're going to protect yourself and get this figured out!

You've got a couple of options for birth control. Check out link removed for some details.

If I were you (and I'm not, this is a decision you'll have to make on your own), I probably would try to get a prescription for the birth control pill and use that along with condoms. The two together will cut your chances of pregnancy to very, very slim, and will also provide protection against some STDs. Birth control pills alone don't protect you from STDs, and condoms aren't always used properly 100% of the time. You don't even have to tell your bf that you're taking the pill if you don't want to--just tell him that if he's going to be having sex with you, he's going to wear a condom. PERIOD.

Get a friend to drive you to Planned Parenthood. They offer all of their services on a sliding scale, so they'll work with you so you pay what you can afford. They'll write you a prescription for the pill, which you can get filled at your local pharmacy.

Condoms can be purchased pretty much anywhere (from pharmacies to Walmarts). I know it's SOOOOO awkward to buy them... but be proud! You're protecting yourself! Perhaps your bf will buy them--then you're both participating in this whole deal.

Then there's the whole "talking to the bf" deal. I'm coming down hard on this one--if he doesn't listen, participate, and shape up, then no sex for him. Sex is awesome, but it comes with responsibilities. If he can't handle the responsibilities, then no sex. Dump his a**. Your health and your well-being is far more important.

I hope that helps a little.

YS

Think they might would sell it to me without an ID? I'll probably just get a friend to buy it just in case, because I don't have my ID on me...

Sell what to you?

Sell what to you?

Uh the plan B thing...

lol.

Well, I don't regret the unprotected sex,what i regret is A)not being on birth control at the time, and B)the way he handled me wanting to discuss it...

And I'm not going to dump him over it, but I will tell him that if he can't have a serious talk with me about it, then I'm not sure it's a good idea we continue having sex until he feels that he can handle the responsibility that comes with it. It's part of why I never had sex until now, was that I wasn't ready to handle the responsibility of possibly getting pregnant, I wasn't ever mature or ready enough to know what to do in that event. Probably not completely mature or ready now as it is, but way more so than before... but if he raises issues about it, I might consider breaking it off until he can maturely handle it. I don't know. But it's not even -near- that point, and wouldn't be for a while if that were to happen.........

If you are 18, you can get Plan B at the drugstore without a prescription.

You have to take it within 72 hours after sex for it to be effective. So if you go out and buy it today, it should be effective.

If you are 18, you can get Plan B at the drugstore without a prescription.

 

You have to take it within 72 hours after sex for it to be effective. So if you go out and buy it today, it should be effective.

Well.. Unfortunately I couldn't get ahold of any friends [as is usual when I need them most... Yet I am always around when they need me. Buuuuut that's for a completely different post if I ever make it]

I was even considering owning up to my mom and having her run me. Better face her wrath by finding out THAT way than some other way, like say a baby in my stomach... But, of course, once I break down and decide I'd be able to tell her, she didn't come home til late yesterday. Sooo guess I'm just going to wait it out until my next period. Which won't be til the end of the month so mehh.

And, a bit of an update- me and him talked about it some, and I figured out what caused the sort of, idk, freeze, I guess you could call it. Considering he had already had the 'what if he messed up' thought in his head, and I popped out with that right after we had just finished, give or take a good ten minutes or so.... Yeah it sort of unnerved him. But we talked about it, discussed the options [stop having intercourse altogether possibly, use a condom, not do anything unless he has one, maybe get myself on birth control] And we also sort of skimmed the topic of what would happen if I were to end up pregnant... And his worry was that I would get mad at him and leave [as he says..] I wasn't sure what makes him think I would leave him because of something that I chose to do as well, but regardless. But, he told me he wouldn't want that to mess my life up, and it would put a wrench in his as well. And plus we're not living together or anything and only see each other maybe 3 times a week if we're lucky [i have to sneak in his house to even see him that often].

Soo yeah. Only problem for us both is, how to get the condoms and birth control, and then how and where to store them without anyone finding either..... [His mom has a little tendency to snoop around his room... And his dad goes in his room time to time]

Many parents don't want their kids having sex, but they want them to get pregnant even less.

So i wouldn't let parental snooping stop you from buying condoms. Anyone can buy them at the drugstore, and if they snoop and find them, then have the discussion and tell them you're over 18, and you don't want a baby so the parents should back off and let you be responsible.

Many parents don't want their kids having sex, but they want them to get pregnant even less.

 

So i wouldn't let parental snooping stop you from buying condoms. Anyone can buy them at the drugstore, and if they snoop and find them, then have the discussion and tell them you're over 18, and you don't want a baby so the parents should back off and let you be responsible.

Nah, I'd rather be safe if we're going to do it than worry more about them being found... Since we are both 18, it's not something I am going to let stop me.