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"can't see myself with you"


Sturmhouse

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Anybody ever gotten this line? Typically one used for breaking off an engagement. I understand why she said it, but the reasons she feel this way are correctable. Anyone ever gotten back together after hearing this line? I know most people who get back together don't come back to this board, but, let me hear some experiences!

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Surely if that was the case she wouldn't have accepted engagement before? Just a thought... perhaps something changed in the relationship over time?

 

Possibly?? xx

 

Not necessarily, some girls get engaged just to get engaged. They get caught up with the whole "all eyes on me thing". Example would be post mortem depression, mother gets depressed after having the baby because everyone cares about baby and not mom. Same thing with a newly engaged woman, lets plan weddings, show everyone the ring, have an engagement party and then all of a sudden nobody cares.

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Not necessarily, some girls get engaged just to get engaged. They get caught up with the whole "all eyes on me thing". Example would be post mortem depression, mother gets depressed after having the baby because everyone cares about baby and not mom. Same thing with a newly engaged woman, lets plan weddings, show everyone the ring, have an engagement party and then all of a sudden nobody cares.

 

ahh touchet, touchet.

 

It must vary woman to woman.

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Well your point was definitely the most probable cause. A lot of times we get used to the other person and take them for granted. We can fall into ruts where we aren't as romantic, passionate etc.

 

This is what happened to me.

 

As for the comment above, that can be the case but isn't in mine.

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Well this is something you will learn with relationships. It happened to my ex and I, we bacame more friends then lovers. I would wait a month then ask her out for some coffee and a stroll in the park. Make sure you don't come on too strong when you meet her (not talking about the relationship or getting back together) just talk about life and friends.

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It pretty much is the same line, yeah. What we have is salvageable, and the core fundamentals of our relationship are great. We are so compatible, like-minded, and agreeable to each other. We both have our flaws, but we have many more strengths which complement each other. We get along great, have (had) a very healthy and fulfilling sex life, are great friends, work well together, and enjoy each other's company. She is very, very upset about the prospect of never hearing from me again. I think, she just feels between a rock and a hard place because she believes the traits she wants to see in me are impossible given my personality. I disagree. She's reluctant to "change" me because she has this unreasonable expectation that "the one" need not be changed, and will be perfect.

 

Sadly, she will never find this person. Read any book on relationships - people change, relationships change, circumstances change, you have to adapt and shift gears. You can feel in love with someone, but at a certain stage you decide to love someone whether the feeling is there or not (temporary as it may be). I have already made this decision in regards to her. She's frustrated, I think, because she isn't seeing the changes she expected (but never communicated she needed) and so thereforee the relationship will never last. Well, also in a certain relationship book I'm reading the author says breakups are great motivators for changing someone. The fear of loss often motivates those to make positive, lasting and necessary changes to their relationship habits. Well, here I am - working on myself and trying to fix some of those problems...Just give me the chance to show you!

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Feelings are dynamic. They change. They grow strong. They grow weak. You can fall in love and fall out of love and fall back in love, BUT, you can't force this process. All you have control over is being the best YOU, YOU can be and constantly improving yourself and maybe your ex will take notice.

 

It's all based on ATTRACTION. If there was once attraction there, it can be again.

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I agree...I'm just trying to get the deck ready for when we talk about things (err, I hope we get that far) so that we can have a real meaningful discussion about our issues.

 

Just an FYI,

 

Careful how you bring them up though Sturmy. Also, be aware of HER comfort level and DON'T push, even when you feel the urge to. Know when to end the topic if it becomes too much for her to handle at that moment.

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Feelings are dynamic. They change. They grow strong. They grow weak. You can fall in love and fall out of love and fall back in love, BUT, you can't force this process. All you have control over is being the best YOU, YOU can be and constantly improving yourself and maybe your ex will take notice.

 

It's all based on ATTRACTION. If there was once attraction there, it can be again.

 

I second that. All you can do is work on yourself, and hope she notices. Watch out just in case she gave you those random lines to hide something worse.

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