Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 14 of 14

Thread: #1 complaint my exes have had about me.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    11,821
    It makes sense to me. I have learned through a lot of patience with myself to identify my feelings and choose which ones to share and with whom to share them. All of my feelings are valid, they are my feelings so by their very existence they are valid.

    It isn't wise, nor do I or anyone else have time for me to share all of my feelings. They are my barometer to tell me how I'm doing at the moment and bring me happiness, grief, or warning as necessary. My primary feelings, the first ones I have about a situtation are often the best indication of my true self. My secondary feelings, those I have after I've had a chance to think about things (and mind screw myself) are usually a result of some past behavior pattern that may no longer be adaptive.

    So, I often write my feelings down or use the private journal function here. I sometimes phone a friend if I am really confused. Meditation, exercise, and bringing myself into the current moment all help me focus so I can understand what it is I am really feeling and what it means.

    I have learned the hard way that responding or reacting before I have resolved my feelings is not a good idea. My feelings are my responsibility and it's nobody's job to make me feel better or differently.

    My feelings often point towards a crossing or potential crossing of my boundaries. Once I know why I felt that way I can evaluate whether the boundary is really important to me or healthy.

  2. #12
    JadedStar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    On a star far, far away...
    Posts
    16,125
    I don't mean to blame the women you date, quite the contrary since you also had a say in dating them...right?

    It means to just discontinue dating a woman if it doesn't feel "right" to you.
    Your gut probably still works to some extent, if you find yourself spending more time in the beginning days of dating wondering 'is what she is doing right' then chances are what she is doing isn't right for you.

    I think a good barometer here is that when you are dating someone new and find that you do more questioning of her behavior as cool or not then the chances are it probably isn't .. a really sweet woman who likes you likely won't invoke all of these questions early on. All relationships will bring about some questioning but in those early days it should be more carefree .. remember a person is almost ALWAYS on their very best behavior the first few months of dating. You can take a person at the first few months and realize this is probably the best they are going to get (in the way of how they treat you), so if those first few months are spent quandering questionable behavior you can bet it won't improve much.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,037
    Gender
    Female
    Aside from the cell phone thing and the lateness thing, it seems that all of the examples you give of you "flipping out" about have an underlying message of suggesting she was ever with someone else or may not be with you in the future. You have to take yourself out of it and love her as a whole person, with her dreams, past, and interests that she has. And sometimes she is not in the mood when you are, etc. it can feel a little controlling when you flip out about things.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,000
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Aside from the cell phone thing and the lateness thing, it seems that all of the examples you give of you "flipping out" about have an underlying message of suggesting she was ever with someone else or may not be with you in the future. You have to take yourself out of it and love her as a whole person, with her dreams, past, and interests that she has. And sometimes she is not in the mood when you are, etc. it can feel a little controlling when you flip out about things.
    It wasn't the idea of her being with someone else in the past that bothered me. I'm not worried about the past. What bothered me about those examples was that maybe they were trying to be with someone else while being with me - an ex, some guy at a bar, etc.

  5.  

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •