"if you say it loud enough someone will listen"

i have a journal on here. its up to date as of a few minutes ago. read that and realize why i want this to happen.

i have a problem that nobody else has. i am so controlled by my emotions that i cannot function in the real world. my hurt runs my life. my alcohol makes me hurt. the constant rejection stings me every day. i am not attractive, i am not loved by others besides family. i am not cherished, i am not appreciated, i am not worth anything

i want to die. christmas morning and i want to die. im told through religious books that heaven is a place where everything is right and perfect. if given the opportunity to choose between life in pain or eternal life in the most sacred perfect place of all...which would you choose?

my mom knows a guy that was in a car accident and he was actually dead for about 10 minutes. when the paramedics brought im back to life he didnt thank them...instead he got mad at them because they brought him out of the most perfect place he had ever been in. he explained that he had no pain either physical or emotional. he said he was happier than he had ever been on earth and that for the first time ever he was at perfect peace with himself. he got mad at the paramedics for saving is life when he died.

now tell me...what is there to fear? what is there to hide from? what is there to not love?

if i kill myself in front of my ex it will finally give me what i want. i want her to hurt and to cry. i want her to think about her mistakes with me and how much she has hurt me for the rest of her life. if i kill myself in front of her and cite her as my reason, she will forever be haunted by that memory forever. i will forever be in her mind raping her dreams. i will be at peace and i will finally be happy.

i know where a bunch of knives are and i know where a loaded hand gun is. how perfect of a christmas gift would it be to blow my head off with her staring me in the eyes tomorrow morning?

she goes into work at 6am. i'll meet her in her driveway 10 till. hell. may as well just stay up all night, i have eternity to sleep

But then you wouldn't be able to open any presents. Sounds like a bad idea to me. You'd be totally ripped off for the gifts.

But then you wouldn't be able to open any presents. Sounds like a bad idea to me. You'd be totally ripped off for the gifts.

hilarious dude

picked a bad time to want to die. 4:11am on christmas morning. how lucky am i? nobody is awake to send me fake words of comfort.

OK - rather than me ignore your obvious plea for help of some sort, let me instead ask you a question. What do you have to gain by dying? You realize, of course, that there is nothing after death. Nothing. Just just cease to be. You just rot. There is no happy place.

You must have at least one thing to live for. You said you have a girlfriend. Is she not worth living for?

OK - rather than me ignore your obvious plea for help of some sort, let me instead ask you a question. What do you have to gain by dying? You realize, of course, that there is nothing after death. Nothing. Just just cease to be. You just rot. There is no happy place.

 

You must have at least one thing to live for. You said you have a girlfriend. Is she not worth living for?

no no...i have an ex girlfriend. she's the reason i dont want to live. she's about to date yet ANOTHER guy. she doesn't care about me and she wont listen to my plea for help. im hurting and crying every day. her response is to date another guy and ignore me.

if i show up on her driveway when she comes out for work she'll be surprised to see me. i'll say "goodbye. this is all you...." and i pull a gun from my pocket and blow my brains all over her car- the perfect revenge. she will live with that image for the rest of her life and cry herself to sleep finally over me.

and i believe that heaven is what you want it to be, and hell is what you want it to be. heaven and hell are exactly as you picture it to be and i picture it to be a place where all is perfect and you can finally be happy again. just like my moms friend did. he got a taste of heaven, i want that feeling for all of eternity

What if your perfect revenge doens't have the desired effect? What if she just ends up thinking what you did was psyco and she's happy she got rid of you before she found out you were the kind of guy who would do something like that? Wouldn't you want to be around to at least see the reaction? Because you'll get no satisfaction from doing that, you won't know the end result because you won't be around to see it.

ok...what about this? i turn the gun on her and take her with me huh? then i go to hell and she gets to enjoy the perfect heaven. or what about i just pop her in the knees or something first? make her never walk again?

i know this girl. seeing me die in front of her because of what she had done will drive her to do the same. i guess im just psycho

 

i know this girl. seeing me die in front of her because of what she had done will drive her to do the same.

Unfortunately, you'll just never know.

it might give u some small satisfaction, but death never really solves anything. u would hurt her more by moving on and forgetting about her. and u would miss out on what can be called "heaven is a place on earth" if u just find it for yourself.

(sorry im being hypocritical i want to die too)

Forgive me if im wrong, but im almost certain you will not go to heaven if u commit suicide.

The way ur ex treated you may have been wrong, but u cannot hold on to that forever, u have to let it go. Any kind of revenge may give temporary satisfaction, but then u will feel bad.

"i know i messed up, and im so sorry. you're the only guy that has ever accepted me and loved me for who i am. hell...you're really my only true friend i have. i can tell you anything and i know you'll listen no matter what. i miss that. i miss you and i still love you. i'm so sorry for everything ive done to you..."

Why would you want to hurt someone who could say this to you? Can't you find it in you to forgive?

ok...i have an odd question about hickies. me and my female friend (not really dating but may as well be) often lay together and watch movies. well...with the 2 hours or so the movie is on we often get bored sometime and we end up wrestling around and what-not. one of the new little "games" that ends up happening is that each person tries their hardest to give the other person a hickie on the other person's face so that i'd be embarrassing to look at. sounds weird i know but it is pretty funny lol.

End it all and there'd be no more having this kind of fun, either.

Why would you want to hurt someone who could say this to you? Can't you find it in you to forgive?

she was talking out her ***. she said stuff like that to me all the time then i learn the next day she's dating another guy. i dont believe a word out of her mouth.

End it all and there'd be no more having this kind of fun, either.

ha...ok, one point for you. that actually made me laugh out loud for a moment. i remember those days. we were so happy together and nothing could have come between us. we were totally in love and by this time i had decided she was the one i wanted to marry. i have never been so happy in my life and when she went to college she changed on me. i dont know this girl anymore. she doesn't know me. the girl that once used to love me now doesn't care about me and would rather date random guys and watch me cry.

temporary relief or not, relief is relief. and even if i just scare her then end myself...my final moments will be in pure laughter and enjoyment watching her cry out of fear of me. it's the perfect reward for myself after all this pain she's caused me

it might give u some small satisfaction, but death never really solves anything. u would hurt her more by moving on and forgetting about her. and u would miss out on what can be called "heaven is a place on earth" if u just find it for yourself.

 

(sorry im being hypocritical i want to die too)

no....that wouldnt hurt her. remember, this girl has now dated 4 guys in the past 2 months and all the while she doesnt care that it hurts me. me dating another girl would do nothing to her. i do like your idea of finding my heaven on earth. as for you being a "hypocrite", i really appreciate you replying to this thread. somehow it means a lot to hear someone else in as much pain as i'm in give me advice on not doing it. i hope for your sake you find peace as well, and i hope you find your heaven on earth too

ya know...it is people like you that promote this kind of thing. i am who i am, and if that's not ok with you then oh ******* well. i refuse to try to act all tough and be someone im not...i refuse to live a lie and act like im ok when i'm not. you say i'm a weakling. so if im a weakling and that's who i am then what is there to live for? this world tells you that power and muscle are the way to be, when the world tells you that if you dont have a ripped 6 pack and a perfect tan that you're a nobody, and when jokes such as yourself come onto a site like this and speak with a suicidal person by accusations of weakling and stupidity...all of this on this amazingly beautiful earth? no thank you. there is nothing here for me, the common weakling. in a weakling amongst big robust mega-giants that know how to live a perfect like such as yourself. you're so smart, you're such a genius, you're so hot and you have all the ladies and friends in the world. you're perfect man...you've proven this to me by your tough words and bull**** remarks.

you wanna know who else was a weakling? a couple of guys named eric harris and dylan klebold from colorado. maybe you've heard of them. actually, the title from this thread is inspired from an interview with Marlyn Manson in which he said that nobody was listening to them so "they knew that if they said something loud enough, people would listen to them. and we all did. now they're forever famous for their actions" they were weaklings just as i am. yet they died the same day as all the strong willed perfect beings in their school. the only difference between these weaklings and these perfect beings is who put the bullets in them. they all died in the end, they all met their makers in the end. i guess all in all, the weaklings were the ones with all the power...and why? because they simple spoke loud enough for the world to hear them

shep88ner... I like your last post. You know why? Because you were angry... But anger is far better than despair. You know, two weeks back, my best friend, whom i'd been with ever since childhood,and i had my feelings for, gave up her life... things had been messed up with her... And i was involved in a little bit... You could check my earlier threads if you want to... All I was doing was posting threads on what to do... I was stupid back then, am stupid now, was stupid always... I was drinking, drinking myself to death... It did no good... You know when she left, what i felt? I felt my whole life taken away... I was involved...

And everyone out here at my place was kicking at me, "Andri's lil baby baby friend died, ha ha..." Andri's crying" did ickle andri get hurt" I was alone and had nothing to do...

A week later another of my good pals crashed with her moped. I stilll remember standing there in the hospital morgue, looking at her, she had bend into some sort of cocoon shape.. then i dont remember...

Thats why i called you a weakling man, so that at least you will get angry and have the force to fight with me... I need you to keep that force to live on... It kinda got me freaked, you know, i couldnt save my girl when she was there in your position, evn though the reasons have been entirely different... even though i dont know you, i dont want you to give up...

You have a reason to live, believe me... You wont be living a lie by finding strength in you... you just did, only that i had to trigger it. The weaklings were the one with the power, right, that makes the two of us...

Well my friend I hope you aren't serious about killing someone else. Because that makes you no better than her. You lower yourself to that level and you pretty much lose all respect. You call those two boys that shot up their school famous? I call them ridiculous and until you mentioned their names I didn't even recall them. They are just "those two morons that shot people" and they are no different than any other criminal.

Now lets turn to you instead. Can you be the bigger man? Can you be the one to forgive your ex in your heart and let all this go? Because that's what keeps you in pain and wanting to commit suicide. It is not her actions, it is your actions of holding on to the pain and letting it grow and fester.

Today is Christmas. And no matter what your beliefs, today is still a day of hope and joy. A day whether people reach out together in love and brotherhood to offer peace and comfort to each other. This is a day to look deep into your heart and realize that what you want is to be free of the pain.

I want you to call a hotline today. 1-800-273-TALK is one you can use. Of course there are others that you can use if you feel more comfortable. Or if you are strong enough, I want you to walk into your local house of worship or the nearest emergency room. I want you to march right up to the pastor, minister, rabbi, or triage nurse and tell them exactly what you are telling us. And tell them you want to feel better. Take charge of your pain. Do not let it control you anymore. Today is the first day that you are in control.

This is not a quick fix. This will take time. And there will be times when you lose hope. But we will be here when you do. And by going and calling someone or visiting someone today, you will be starting to create your own personal support system. Pain like this is not meant to be dealt with alone. It needs to be shared. And when you share it, it begins to lose it's stranglehold over you.

Brother, please pick up the phone right now.