Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

  1. #1
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91

    How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

    My ex and I are talking now after a period of NC. Thing is, we live in different states, so I can never actually do anything with her, like go to dinner. Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it? Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.

    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?

  2. #2
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    47
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Their isn't anything you can do, she needs to see the changes in you, this doesn't mean that if you are physically in her presense she will see the changes, it is much more than just that. You cannot force this into happening. You cannot will it to happen.

    My advice is to go on with your life. You may even find another woman who will se in you what you want your ex too see.

  3. #3
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    You misunderstand. I am getting on with my life. I'm not going to wait around for her to change her mind. She's a great girl, and I want her in my life as a friend if I can't have her as a partner. I need to change myself regardless for my next relationship to work. If it's with her, great, if not, fine. I just wanted to know if she'd be able to see my changes later on. if she was thinking of reconciling.

  4. #4
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    47
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately you will need to let nature take its course. I do not believe anyone can truly answer this question.

  5. #5
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Yeah. I was basically just asking if there was a way to show someone you've changed when they can't see you.

  6. #6
    sillygurl
    Bronze Member sillygurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    263
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it?
    Well, Jester, it depends on what you've changed... Or, better yet, what was it about you that she wanted to be different?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.
    Being calm, cool and collected is perfect if she thought you were too needy & histryionic before. If you spent "too much" time on the phone before, than talking "not too long" is perfect. If her complaint was that you weren't interested enough in her, than it's perfect that you don't talk about yourself and show so much genuine interest in her life. If she complains that you never listened to her, then what you're doing now- being an excellent listener! is sure to bring you both peace. Hope I don't come off like a smart a**, I just really wanted to answer the individual facets of your question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?
    It seems like you are doing exactly the opposite of what you feel like you want to do- is that for her preservation or yours? What do YOU want? What does SHE want? Is what you are doing working well for you?

    Fill us in, a little more, on the details. I'm currently going through a similar process with my ex, where trying to re-invent our relationship as friends. It may sound weird to some of you out there, but it is a lot better for my healing if I get a chance to have closure in person.


  7. #7
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Oh, we broke up for none of those issues, or so I think.

    We were in a LDR for over two years, and she got depressed over not seeing me. She couldn't take it anymore even though I was going to be moving there in about another year. I really think she didn't think I was serious about moving, as I'd been hesitant about it before, but I was serious. I was just scared of leaving all my friends and family behind. And there was always the risk of it not working out and then I'd just move back.

    I'm sure there were underlying issues with me. I know I can be inattentive on the phone at times, but nothing she cited. Maybe I should have phrased my original post better?

  8.  

Top Threads
Ex Girlfriend is Confused about her feelings
So, I've never posted anything for relationship advice ever, but I really need some help, hopefully from someone who really does understand the
Self Healing Blog
I don't know if anyone will read this. And I apologize now because this will be long. Deep down I'm hoping my ex-boyfriend and I will be able to
I gifted him a painting
Hello everyone! I've been dating this older guy for about 2 and a half months now. Cutting the story short at some point I realized he was a
is he taking advantage
Me and my ex boyfriend broke up about 9 months ago. I will admit it was my fault I was still communicating with an ex when I shouldn't have been. I
What's going on with my ex?
My ex boyfriend and I dated for three years. I broke up with him because he had lied to me about a pretty big issue. We were in love with each other
Unblocked, but have not contacted.
So I unblocked my ex, per a conversation I had with my sis. I was telling my sister how much I miss him and how things got so bad, I would need a
She left me for her ex and now wants me back
Hello guys, This is my first thread here and enotalone has been my emotional support for the last 2 months so I couln't have gone through this

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •