Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

  1. #1
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91

    How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

    My ex and I are talking now after a period of NC. Thing is, we live in different states, so I can never actually do anything with her, like go to dinner. Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it? Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.

    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?

  2. #2
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    46
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Their isn't anything you can do, she needs to see the changes in you, this doesn't mean that if you are physically in her presense she will see the changes, it is much more than just that. You cannot force this into happening. You cannot will it to happen.

    My advice is to go on with your life. You may even find another woman who will se in you what you want your ex too see.

  3. #3
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    You misunderstand. I am getting on with my life. I'm not going to wait around for her to change her mind. She's a great girl, and I want her in my life as a friend if I can't have her as a partner. I need to change myself regardless for my next relationship to work. If it's with her, great, if not, fine. I just wanted to know if she'd be able to see my changes later on. if she was thinking of reconciling.

  4. #4
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    46
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately you will need to let nature take its course. I do not believe anyone can truly answer this question.

  5. #5
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Yeah. I was basically just asking if there was a way to show someone you've changed when they can't see you.

  6. #6
    sillygurl
    Bronze Member sillygurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    263
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it?
    Well, Jester, it depends on what you've changed... Or, better yet, what was it about you that she wanted to be different?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.
    Being calm, cool and collected is perfect if she thought you were too needy & histryionic before. If you spent "too much" time on the phone before, than talking "not too long" is perfect. If her complaint was that you weren't interested enough in her, than it's perfect that you don't talk about yourself and show so much genuine interest in her life. If she complains that you never listened to her, then what you're doing now- being an excellent listener! is sure to bring you both peace. Hope I don't come off like a smart a**, I just really wanted to answer the individual facets of your question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?
    It seems like you are doing exactly the opposite of what you feel like you want to do- is that for her preservation or yours? What do YOU want? What does SHE want? Is what you are doing working well for you?

    Fill us in, a little more, on the details. I'm currently going through a similar process with my ex, where trying to re-invent our relationship as friends. It may sound weird to some of you out there, but it is a lot better for my healing if I get a chance to have closure in person.


  7. #7
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Oh, we broke up for none of those issues, or so I think.

    We were in a LDR for over two years, and she got depressed over not seeing me. She couldn't take it anymore even though I was going to be moving there in about another year. I really think she didn't think I was serious about moving, as I'd been hesitant about it before, but I was serious. I was just scared of leaving all my friends and family behind. And there was always the risk of it not working out and then I'd just move back.

    I'm sure there were underlying issues with me. I know I can be inattentive on the phone at times, but nothing she cited. Maybe I should have phrased my original post better?

  8.  

Top Threads
Stalking on Facebook and confusing msgs
Hi I would like to know if I've got a chance of regaining my relationship with my current ex, I miss her dearly. I spoke to her 5 weeks after we
When your fiancee loves you, but loves someone else more...
Hello everyone These last 3 months (last 5 weeks especially) have most definitely been the worst of my entire life without a shadow of a
Trying to get back to where we were
This is my first post on here and I would really like some help. Here's the situation: I had been dating this awesome girl for 3 years. We met in
Should I try to get him back or move on?
I've been a lurker on eNotAlone for over a year now off and on. I first found the website when I came out of a 2 1/2 year relationship with a man
Dumper ex gf got rejected. What should i feel.
I was in a relationship with her for about 2 months and a half and she broke up with me. She offered friendship but I refused and said that I needed
Is he just messing me about 2nd time round?
His all, I just need a bit of advice really as to what I should do now. Me and my partner I'm 37 he's 43 was together for 4 years but he was
We broke up months after I cheated...Too late?
So in January of 2016, my girlfriend found out that I had been talking to other women. She opened my laptop while I was at work and saw messages to

Featured Threads
Who is in the wrong?
This person isn't really a "friend" she is 24+ years older than me. I have a feeling I'm getting taken advantage of because of my age. I started
I became engaged with a girl who calls herself a "free spirit"......need clarity
I met a wonderful and bright girl 3.5 years ago and she by far stole my heart. She is appositely beautiful, funny, intelligent and outgoing. She is
Has anyone ever totally given up on finding love?
Hello everyone! Well I been wanting to post this for a few weeks now. I don't really know how to say it or word it. But, who here has or knows
Today "should" have been our 6 year anniversary
Today was suppose to be our 6th year together. Today is the first time on this date that we are not together. We made this date a big deal
Shoud I break up because my girlfriend hooked up with my cousin in t
I'm jealous because my girlfriend had casual sex with my cousin before she met me. We've been dating for a year, she's very funny, caring, sexy
I'm in love with my co-worker 😥
My coworker and I started working together about 10 months ago. We work closely together all day just the two of us mainly. From the day he started
Aggressive Courting
There's this girl I really, really like, and would really want to be in a relationship with. Unfortunately, recently I messed up, and now I think she
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •