Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

  1. #1
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91

    How to show someone you've changed when you can't see them.

    My ex and I are talking now after a period of NC. Thing is, we live in different states, so I can never actually do anything with her, like go to dinner. Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it? Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.

    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?

  2. #2
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    47
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Their isn't anything you can do, she needs to see the changes in you, this doesn't mean that if you are physically in her presense she will see the changes, it is much more than just that. You cannot force this into happening. You cannot will it to happen.

    My advice is to go on with your life. You may even find another woman who will se in you what you want your ex too see.

  3. #3
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    You misunderstand. I am getting on with my life. I'm not going to wait around for her to change her mind. She's a great girl, and I want her in my life as a friend if I can't have her as a partner. I need to change myself regardless for my next relationship to work. If it's with her, great, if not, fine. I just wanted to know if she'd be able to see my changes later on. if she was thinking of reconciling.

  4. #4
    brando
    Platinum Member brando's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    South Of No North
    Age
    47
    Posts
    1,573
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately you will need to let nature take its course. I do not believe anyone can truly answer this question.

  5. #5
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Yeah. I was basically just asking if there was a way to show someone you've changed when they can't see you.

  6. #6
    sillygurl
    Bronze Member sillygurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    263
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Everyone always says you need to show you've changed through actions, but if she can't see me, how do I prove it?
    Well, Jester, it depends on what you've changed... Or, better yet, what was it about you that she wanted to be different?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Currently, when we talk, I'm calm, cool, collected. It's fun and friendly, and not too long. I show her I'm interested in what she says, and I don't venture the topic onto our past relationship, unless she goes there first, and even then, I stick to what she brings up.
    Being calm, cool and collected is perfect if she thought you were too needy & histryionic before. If you spent "too much" time on the phone before, than talking "not too long" is perfect. If her complaint was that you weren't interested enough in her, than it's perfect that you don't talk about yourself and show so much genuine interest in her life. If she complains that you never listened to her, then what you're doing now- being an excellent listener! is sure to bring you both peace. Hope I don't come off like a smart a**, I just really wanted to answer the individual facets of your question.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jester1586 [Register to see the link]
    Is that enough? What else do I have to do, if anything?
    It seems like you are doing exactly the opposite of what you feel like you want to do- is that for her preservation or yours? What do YOU want? What does SHE want? Is what you are doing working well for you?

    Fill us in, a little more, on the details. I'm currently going through a similar process with my ex, where trying to re-invent our relationship as friends. It may sound weird to some of you out there, but it is a lot better for my healing if I get a chance to have closure in person.


  7. #7
    Jester1586
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    91
    Oh, we broke up for none of those issues, or so I think.

    We were in a LDR for over two years, and she got depressed over not seeing me. She couldn't take it anymore even though I was going to be moving there in about another year. I really think she didn't think I was serious about moving, as I'd been hesitant about it before, but I was serious. I was just scared of leaving all my friends and family behind. And there was always the risk of it not working out and then I'd just move back.

    I'm sure there were underlying issues with me. I know I can be inattentive on the phone at times, but nothing she cited. Maybe I should have phrased my original post better?

  8.  

Top Threads
Ex moving on to rebound
Apologies for the wall of text : Last year, my ex broke up with me after two and a half years. We had issues that were made worst by living together
I'm not so sure I want him back-just journaling my feelings here
Eight days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue. I was sad, I was mad, I wanted reconciliation. We talked about rules and
Not sure how to navigate my complicated situation
I've read the "how to get your ex back" posts and have seen the pros and cons of LC and NC. My ex and I tried LC but there were too many
Getting my sons mother back
Had a 4 year relationship with a girl I really do love but I done so much wrong to her in the past . I won't take all the blame but won't place a
Is there hope to get back together?
My ex girlfriend broke up with me in early December after almost 6 years. She was my first girlfriend and I was her longest relationship by far, the
I wanted him back but I don't feel the same way anymore
After a gut-rotting heartbreak and pining for him for 3 months, my partner and I met a few days ago. He said he'd talk to me again soon but I have
Should I ever reach out?
My ex and I split about 4 days ago.. the first two days I was constantly blowing her up bombarding her with texts and calls and no luck so I just

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Which credit card debt should I start paying first?
Have $500 to pay one first and wanted to ask which one I should pay first The one that I owe $ 700 or $2900? Thanks a lot
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
He's just not ready?! - What I've learned and your views please
Dear All, I've read so much around this and feel I've made a good strong decision but I'm looking for your thoughts. 4 weeks ago I met a guy
Am I getting cold feet?
My partner and I have been engaged for about a year now and have been together for over three years. We are an older couple so we both know what we
What should I do about my controlling parents?
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day
Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?
I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •