Handling silent treatment with confidence

How to approach a person who is giving you the silent treatment in a friendly and effective manner, in order to solve the situation constructively?

Perhaps even with a bit of humor?

The silent treatment is annoying. If I felt like being nice about the situation, I would probably just say something like, "I know you are upset with me right now and don't want to talk to me. I will leave you alone until you feel you are ready to talk. When you are ready, you know where to find me." They might just get off on the silent treatment power trip if you are trying to talk to them and they are ignoring you. Once you start ignoring them to, that'll get old quick. They'll probably start talking to you.

The first step is to say to yourself you are not looking to "solve" the problem. If someone is giving you the silent treatment its really their problem isnt it?

If they do want to communicate and use this as a tactic to get their needs met do you really want to endorse that?

What if you want to solve the problem? Especially if it's an important person to you... and perhaps she misunderstood something. Or you did something wrong and don't even know what...

If you know why then you might be able to help them understand where you were coming from when you upset them. If you have done nothing to cause this then it won't help. Staying mad at someone burns a tremendous amount of energy and is not easy. It is kind of petty but some people live this way. If there is true conflict between you and you take the high road and try and reslove it then you won't have any regrets. Be upfront and honest and if you get no response at least you tried.

lost

What if you want to solve the problem? Especially if it's an important person to you... and perhaps she misunderstood something. Or you did something wrong and don't even know what...

So if this person is important to you and you are important to them does it seem like a reasonable adult way to act by giving the silent treatment?

Its one thing to need some time to think. Its quite another to do the silent treatment to get their way.

Regardless if you did somethign wrong and the relationship was mutally respectful then I would assume that the value of the relationship would outweigh them "getting you back" for what you did. Whatever that was. It doesnt even sound like you know what you did wrong and its entirely possible that you did nothing wrong just that they felt you did something wrong and they have decided to act like a child. A child gives his or her parent the silent treatment because they do not have other tools at their disposal.

The easiest way of saying it is: never make someone a priority when they make you an option.

Heh, nobody is perfect... sometimes there's a little child in each of us, and we need to understand that part as well in order to gain access to the rest of the person..

Heh, nobody is perfect... sometimes there's a little child in each of us, and we need to understand that part as well in order to gain access to the rest of the person..

It has nothing to do with being perfect. This isnt even about having a temper tantrum or on the spot emotional outburst. This is about a prolonged thought out process, which is what the silent treatment is.

In my experience, adults who act like mature adults dont do this. They express what is bothering them, whether they are in the right or the wrong.

Im providing slient treatment to someone that didnt really treat me that well and even though the person called back, the attitude didnt seem to be the right one "call me if you want to, dont call me if you dont" so I decided not to and I just let it all die I guess..

Its hard but rather do this than keep going in circles about the same thing..

Im providing slient treatment to someone that didnt really treat me that well and even though the person called back, the attitude didnt seem to be the right one "call me if you want to, dont call me if you dont" so I decided not to and I just let it all die I guess..

 

Its hard but rather do this than keep going in circles about the same thing..

So how much do you value the relationship? To me it sound like you do since you are affording them the silent treatment instead of Xing them out of your life.

What do you expect or hope to gain by giving them the silent treatment?

My ex used to do this to me. So I would sit next to her on the couch and stare at her till she smiled. then I would say something like "well you obviously won the quite contest so you can stop playing now".

Heh, nobody is perfect... sometimes there's a little child in each of us, and we need to understand that part as well in order to gain access to the rest of the person..[/QUOT

 

Yes you are quite right in saying that there is a little child in all of us. but never forget the silent treatment is a control Method...there is nothing childish about it at all.. it is often..not always related to being passive aggressive..as these personality types will use the silent treatment very effectively. basically it is a form of punishment and control.. Think about it..... it takes effort and control to maintain the silent treatment.. it is a choice to behave this way. It is used to avoid confrontation about the matter at hand.. to lay blame. to make you feel guilty.. more often than not the silent treatment is delivered by the wrong doer so that the issue is left unresolved as they cannot accept blame or responsibility..and the person who has been hurt will drop the problem in order to "redeem" themselves, so that they can continue their relationship back on its normal level. Yes you can try humour to resolve the issue and it may work... or confronting it head on and saying something like "I feel hurt when you do this",.. If I have upset you lets talk about it... I Miss talking with you.. If all of these fails indifferenece works well. stand strong, ignore this behaviour...let them know you have tried to resolve the issue...continue to be yourself..and let them snap out of it by themself...never act submissive around this type of behaviour...it is not acceptable within any relationship. Good luck..

I often use the "silent treatment" when I am angry. I can say things I don't really mean and my tongue can be a viscious instrument when I get mad. So, I say nothing until I can discuss things in an adult manner. This could be minutes, hours, or days. I see nothing immature in it, I am trying to avoid an immature reaction. My bf knows me well and lets me stew without bothering me. Humor will only make it worse. I need to cool down and that is what a lot of the silent treatment is, just a cooling off device. If someone is using it to punish someone, I agree, that is childish.