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Thread: My teenager daughter hates me and treats me with contempt

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2008

    My teenager daughter hates me and treats me with contempt

    I found the site because I googled "my teenage daughter hates me, why" I have 3 daughters (22, 17 & 14) My relationships with my two oldest daughters are both wonderful and I can't remember ever feeling this way with them ever. We have just had our latest incident and as usual I am hurt and upset. She treats me with contempt most of the time and it is killing me. Our relationship has (up until last year) has been extremely close. We as a family spend a lot of time together. I don't know what I did wrong, but this is making me feel horrible about myself. I honestly don't know what to do. It is bringing forth a lot of issues for me and I don't know were to turn. I am trying not to take it personally, but it is not easy. Anybody else feeling this way?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    I don't have a teenage daughter... but I do have a younger sister. Not wanting to seem insensitive... but I thought this was standard behavior from all teenagers to their parents? I think they tend to grow out of it... hormones and all that.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Are you giving her an early cerfew? Not letting her date? What is going on? I mean the way it is, is much different from when your oldest were her age.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Though I don't have any children I come from a bad family so I understand how you feel.

    My mum frustrates me and makes me angry a lot of the time but I do love and I am sure your daughter feels the same way.

    I don't get along well with my Dad or my brother. My Brother is obviously mentally ill but my Dad has been very mean recently so I don't talk to him very often anymore. When he tells me something I tell him to go away from me. It broke my heart today when he was happy about something important and I told him I did not care, but I can't keep on letting him treat me however he wants to just because he is in a bad mood. You've got to look after your own self respect.

    I think you need to take the same stance with your daughter because if you don't it could grow into something unmanageable. You need to sit her down and talk to her and find out what is the matter.

    If it is like my brother and she has some mental problems then I will be praying for you.

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Northern California
    hm, has something bad happened to her that you know of? She could be taking her aggression out on you.

    but honestly, thats how it is. I was screaming and fighting with my parents... but once I moved to college I realized my parents are pretty cool... and its not worth the stress being a pain!

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Don't worry, despite it all I'm sure your daughter still loves you very much.

    I think it's normal for teenagers to go through phases.

    Do you think that maybe she has been sexually assaulted? I know that may seem like an odd question. But when that happened to me, I know my mom was the focus of much of my anger.

    If her behavior is really abnormal, maybe you could seek advice from a counselor.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    San Francisco
    I think this is relatively normal behavior. While I don't have a teenage daughter, I WAS one.. I was the daughter from hell. Disrespected my parents BIG time, "HATED" my mom, was just basically a piece of crap. I would sneak out, drink, do drugs... but I grew out of it when I went to college and you know what? Now my mom and I have an AMAZING relationship.

  8. 12-08-2008, 04:04 AM
    not useful or necessary

  9. #8
    Gold Member ay0_x's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by gracerules2008 [Register to see the link]

    Unfortunately children have every right to hate their parents. You can enforce rules and guidelines in the household that they must abide by as long as they live there but you can't make them love you. You can't make them forgive you when you make mistakes. You can't really do anything about how they feel about you on the inside.
    So very true.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    the OP never said that she has done anything to her daughter.

    OP, I agree it's a kind of phase which is normal, but even still it's possible she might have perceived something you've done wrong against her. Or it could be something else in her life that is bothering her. Perhaps you could sit down with her and ask her what is wrong.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    I don't have a teenage daughter, but I remember becoming openly angry at my father around the age of nine. I didn't even know why at the time. As an adult, I realized in therapy that was the the same year my mother started sleeping on the couch. It appears that I was aware of some friction with them and was holding him responsible for it.

    Are there problems in the marriage? How is her relationship with her other parent and her siblings? Has anything in the household or in her life at school or with peers changed? Is it possible that she, as the baby of the family, is spoiled at all and becoming disrespectful in general?


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