10 years

Today is the 10th anniversary of the suicide of someone I knew in high school. He was actually my sister's boyfriend at the time, and she very much cared for him. It just so happened that I was the last person to ever speak to him alive. He had called our phone line at 1:30 in the morning and wanted to speak to my sister but I woudln't let him b/c she was asleep since we had school the next morning.

My sister's best friend called her about 5:30 the next day to tell her she was told Charlie had committed suicide. No one found out till after school the next day. Charlie's dad had discovered him when he came back from a business trip that morning--he had shot himself in the chest.

I've never seen my sister so hurt. She was screaming and crying. We immediately rushed over to Charlie's family's house, my sister screaming and crying the whole way there.

They announced it at school the next day, and there was a memorial service for him. He was 18.

For a long time I struggled b/c he annoyed me so much b/c of the way he acted around my sister--immature and possessive. At one point, he annoyed me so much that I told him I wished he was dead. That was about 2 weeks before he died, and I barely spoke to him in that 2 weeks, except for that last call.

I know my sister is struggling today. She's married now and very happy but this is always a hard day for her. Charlie left behind parents who loved him, 2 sisters, and a little brother about 8 years younger who looks just like him (I saw a picture of his brother recently and it's scary how much he looks like Charlie).

I guess I just had to get this out today.

Suicides are always a hard loss to cope with. Pray for the dead, he may need the help on the other side.

Wow, hers...That's some really heavy stuff to be dealing with I'm sorry that happened. I'm sorry to you and your sister and to him and his poor family. Am I sensing some pent up guilt remaining? I might be a bit off with that, but that's sort of what I got from it.

I don't have any guilt anymore. i used to for so long b/c of what I said to him a couple of weeks before he died. I used to feel guilty for not letting him talk on the phone to my sister when he called, but she's actually told me a few times she was glad I didn't let her talk to him.

Good, I'm glad those feelings have passed. Do you and your sister ever do anything in memory of him?

This post just made me really sad=\

No, nothing really. I wrote her this morning and told her I was thinking of her, and she said it's been hard for her lately and she's been thinking of him a lot. That's really the only time we ever talk about it--on the anniversary. Every once and a while she says she still dreams about him.

Aww I'm so sorry That's awful.

I'm sorry for your loss, and, yes, it does help you to cope, by just getting it out there, at times.

It seems like you've come to terms with it, which is good, as there are always "would haves, could haves, and should haves."

The loss will always stay with you, but eventually you come to terms with it, and find peace.

My brother's suicide was 14 yrs ago, on his birthday.

My thoughts are with you...Take care

10 years.....I can't even imagine. I'm sorry. For you, for him and your sister.

Thanks, everyone.

I really feel awful for his family. Right after he died, his 16-year-old sister discovered she was pregnant. It was also right before his parents' divorce was finalized (if I remember correctly.)

The thing I think about most is if it's hard for his family seeing his little brother who looks exactly like him.

Hugs to you hers. My heart goes out to everyone who loved him.

I think having a brother who looks so much like him is actually a blessing, because when you lose someone you want to hold on to as much as you can of them.

love to you girl.