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Thread: Can an affair turn into a serious relationship?

  1. #21
    BusyNAbroad
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    Finally some positive stories

    No, I'm not really involved in an affair, but something very similar. Perhaps I can put it this way: a woman has an affair with me, but never tells me that it is an affair (actually giving me the idea that I'm in a relationship with her).
    Last edited by BusyNAbroad; 12-02-2008 at 05:59 AM.

  2. #22
    tangi39
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissyM [Register to see the link]
    I know a couple who started off as an affair and have been married HAPPILY for twenty years and are still one of the happiest couples I know. I don't know that this will be the case for you or anyone else, but it can happen.
    It is possible, but EXTREMELY rare.
    Most affairs turn into disasters for everyone involved- That's why it's best not to start them in the first place.

  3. #23
    wickedbusa
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    I had an affair many years ago, after I found out my wife was pregnant with another man's child, and we ended up having a three year long relationship. It ended eventually with her excuse as being, "If it starts bad, it ends bad."

  4. 12-04-2008, 02:19 PM

  5. #24
    wickedbusa
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    Quote Originally Posted by willoweed861 [Register to see the link]
    Your wife cheated on you first? What a messed up marriage...
    Yes, and worst of all she first told me it was my baby. Told my family and coworkers all about it. Started buying stuff for the baby, etc. A week later, she tells me it isn't mine.

  6. #25
    Busto
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    Quote Originally Posted by wickedbusa [Register to see the link]
    Yes, and worst of all she first told me it was my baby. Told my family and coworkers all about it. Started buying stuff for the baby, etc. A week later, she tells me it isn't mine.
    Jesus... That's one of the most jacked up stories I've heard on here. Sorry you had to go through that, man. But you seem to have gotten over it, right?

  7. #26
    wickedbusa
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busto [Register to see the link]
    Jesus... That's one of the most jacked up stories I've heard on here. Sorry you had to go through that, man. But you seem to have gotten over it, right?
    It was painful, especially when friends would ask me, " Hey, how's your baby coming along? ", or "When is the babdy due?" It was humiliating for me to tell them that my wife cheated and that the baby wasn't mine. I was so proud that I was going to have my first child.

    But, I got over it. It was difficult, but slowly, day by day, I came to come to terms with what had happened. I'm still afraid that it's going to happen to me again someday...

  8. #27
    Busto
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    Quote Originally Posted by wickedbusa [Register to see the link]
    It was painful, especially when friends would ask me, " Hey, how's your baby coming along? ", or "When is the babdy due?" It was humiliating for me to tell them that my wife cheated and that the baby wasn't mine. I was so proud that I was going to have my first child.

    But, I got over it. It was difficult, but slowly, day by day, I came to come to terms with what had happened. I'm still afraid that it's going to happen to me again someday...
    I can imagine... But you're a strong individual, that's pretty obvious, because you dealt with it, and you're here to share your story.

    I think that's something most people who get cheated on have to deal with for a very, very long time - the fear that it could happen again. I know I will. That's why I hate infidelity so much, it has ruined so much for me. I used to be an extremely trusting person, almost to the point of gullibility. I actually liked that part of my personality. Now, I'm not so sure. I hope I can find my way back though. I refuse to become a bitter person because of this * * * * .

  9. #28
    DelG
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    I want to chime in here and say that I was with my GF for nearly 10 years..She cheated on me 3 times with the same guy...I never ever cheated once, I cant say I did not have the chance or that I did not want to, but I never.

    I am at the point now where I really don't care about it anymore..I even helped her with her new relationship and as crazy as it sounds actually feel sorry for the guy she cheated on me with because he was so young and stupid and he really fell in love with her. She just used him..

    I also think the when cheating is based on the fact that your partner has REALLY REALLY fallen in love with another person there is little you can do about it.. I mean remember the feelings you had when you fell in love with them? You just cant help it. I agree that you should not do it but its also hard not too.

    Don't get me wrong Its hard and its painful, but cheating is and has always been a fact of life and relationships. I'm not saying its OK but one must be realistic.

    Sometimes for no reason or for reasons you cant explain it can happen..and it can be devastating. I also don't believe that once a cheat always a cheat. I think affairs don't work out mainly due to guilt and fear. I do think that those involved in what I would call "in-Love affairs" can work and what happens in one relationship should not be carried over to the next. If you must play with fire you must be confident enough to make it work and believe it will work!! otherwise don't have one.

    There are many reasons for affairs and ones that are based on such things as lust/sex/just being needy...are rather stupid. But if two people genuinely fall in love then yes its wrong and yes it hurts people but ultimately it was not meant to be and the a new relationship will blossom and it should not be judged IMHO! and the sad fact is people should leave before they start it...but that in its self is another topic.

    I want to say... I don't condone it but in some cases... the right is wrong...

    Jason

  10. 12-05-2008, 10:21 PM

  11. #29
    Busto
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    I agree. People fall in and out of love all the time. If they have the decency to break it off with their partner before pursuing the other person, I have no problem with it. But when my girlfriend goes behind my back for two months (that I know of) while telling me she loves me and talking about buying a house in the future, I'm going to hate her for it. What hurt me the most was the constant lying to my face. I had to find out myself, and when I did, our whole relationship up until that point felt like a big waste of time, it felt dirty.

  12. #30
    DelG
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busto [Register to see the link]
    I agree. People fall in and out of love all the time. If they have the decency to break it off with their partner before pursuing the other person, I have no problem with it. But when my girlfriend goes behind my back for two months (that I know of) while telling me she loves me and talking about buying a house in the future, I'm going to hate her for it. What hurt me the most was the constant lying to my face. I had to find out myself, and when I did, our whole relationship up until that point felt like a big waste of time, it felt dirty.
    I felt the same..Its horrible but once you look to the reasons for it as painful as it is.. There is no point in being upset all do is drag yourself down..You only live once and the show must go on..

    Jason

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