Keeping your guard up.

I'm going to be blunt here, I suck at this. I find it difficult and energy-sapping. I'd rather be having my teeth drilled than spending (wasting?) my time figuring out how to keep my guard up. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just a trusting person at heart and guarding my heart is just too unnatural for me.

Does anyone else feel this way?

There's nothing wrong with trusting people until they give you a reason not to.

There's nothing wrong with trusting people until they give you a reason not to.

I am also an empathetic and forgiving person, so how do I know when it's time to stop giving more chances?

I am also an empathetic and forgiving person, so how do I know when it's time to stop giving more chances?

Once you feel that they've exhausted your second chances, I suppose. *sigh* I know it isn't easy, as I have the same problems.

I find it hard to trust when I've been betrayed. The future is never guaranteed and I guess theirs no point worrying about what MIGHt happen.

Once you feel that they've exhausted your second chances, I suppose. *sigh* I know it isn't easy, as I have the same problems.

In my experience that can take a long time. When I really like someone I cut them way, way too much slack.

I find it hard to trust when I've been betrayed. The future is never guaranteed and I guess theirs no point worrying about what MIGHt happen.

I think there are more people like you out there than like me. When I am betrayed it doesn't affect who I know myself to be. In other words, I don't feel like it costs me that much so I don't see it as the huge deal that seemingly healthier people do. The ground under my feet is firm enough to cope so it doesn't feel hugely important.

Hey...if it doesnt cost you too much, and you feel solid enough to handle it, why even do it. I think its great that you're so resilient, and I honestly wish I was more like that. I know someone who wishes I trusted her more.

Hey...if it doesnt cost you too much, and you feel solid enough to handle it, why even do it. I think its great that you're so resilient, and I honestly wish I was more like that. I know someone who wishes I trusted her more.

Thanks, maybe it is okay to be the way I am naturally.

What would she have to do to regain your trust? Isn't it mostly up to you?

In my experience that can take a long time. When I really like someone I cut them way, way too much slack.

I am exactly the same way be it with someone I am interested in romantically or any other situation. I have a lot of empathy and a forgiving nature. However, once someone pushes me too far, I fight back and become more wary of them. If it is not in your nature to keep your guard up then don't...I am sure you have a certain amount of self-preservation guard up but not like the emotionally closed off people whose guard is way up. We tend to think that "having the guard up" means shutting off...and many people do and thereforee blow wonderful opportunities. The trick is to be cautious and careful, but still be openminded and trusting. Distrusting too much is just as harmful as trusting too much...just the opposite ends of the spectrum. You need to strike a balance.

Thanks, maybe it is okay to be the way I am naturally.

 

What would she have to do to regain your trust? Isn't it mostly up to you?

It is...she doesnt really need to do anything. I'm just a little insecure/paranoid, but I'm trying hard.

I am exactly the same way be it with someone I am interested in romantically or any other situation. I have a lot of empathy and a forgiving nature. However, once someone pushes me too far, I fight back and become more wary of them. If it is not in your nature to keep your guard up then don't...I am sure you have a certain amount of self-preservation guard up but not like the emotionally closed off people whose guard is way up. We tend to think that "having the guard up" means shutting off...and many people do and thereforee blow wonderful opportunities. The trick is to be cautious and careful, but still be openminded and trusting. Distrusting too much is just as harmful as trusting too much...just the opposite ends of the spectrum. You need to strike a balance.

I will reach a balance when I no longer dismiss important signals that the other person doesn't have my best interests at heart. Sometimes I miss those signals completely because I'm not worried about it and sometimes I don't really believe they could mean what they do mean because then I'd have to admit that I made a poor choice in trusting the person from the beginning. I think my twisted pride gets in the way.

It is...she doesnt really need to do anything. I'm just a little insecure/paranoid, but I'm trying hard.

She obviously means enough to you to want to trust her again. Does she seem like the type of person who would continue to behave in an untrustworthy fashion or was it a one-time mistake on her part?

Yeah...she really does.

Continually. She tends to keep things in a lot, and I mean a lot. Even simple things I notice she won't tell me. She tells me shes keeping something inside that she thinks is so bad, it would make me want to retch in disgust. I know she believes it too, so I guess I can't blame her for acting this way.

lol btw...why can't I post my age?

It's hard to keep trusting a closed person. If they can't tell you stuff from the past how can you expect them to tell you about their present or their thoughts for the future? I suggest you reassure her that you will not condemn her for whatever she shares with you. Well, do that only if it's the truth.

I think you have to set your birthday.

It is the truth and I've actually told her a couple times. She has told me a lot of things that she hasn't told anyone else. And I know she wants to tell me, but every time she thinks about it she starts crying. Don't know what else I could do.

With consistent patience and understanding on your part it seems like she will eventually be able to choke it out. Some experiences are so fraught with emotion that it takes time to clear some of it away so we can even think straight enough to find words.

That's true. I should really be able to understand that. Thanks.

You're welcome, and thanks to all who replied.

What I learned about myself was this:

I am more afraid of looking foolish for choosing an untrustworthy person to be in a relationship with than I am of dealing with the consequences of doing so.

Kinda screwed up, heh? lol

I am far too trusting I know, only to have it shoved back in my face so many times, but I am just stupid enough to keep trying.

 

It's not stupid, it's naive. There is an innocence involved that is very endearing.

...

Be very grateful you are this way. I tend to NOT trust and I will probably be alone a very long time because of these issues. It is much better to have trust in your heart; you will attract more people.

Thank you, I am grateful. In attracting more people I also attract more people users so I need very good filtering skills.

I'm going to be blunt here, I suck at this. I find it difficult and energy-sapping. I'd rather be having my teeth drilled than spending (wasting?) my time figuring out how to keep my guard up. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just a trusting person at heart and guarding my heart is just too unnatural for me.

 

Does anyone else feel this way?

I agree with alli about there being nothing wrong with trusting.

It depends WHO you're trusting. I tend to trust people easy... but... I do have my guard up as well at the same time.

But people like my bf or close friends for instance, yes, I give them all my trust. I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone if I needed to have my guard up. It really does seem like way too much work. Plus, if they are making me have my guard up, it means that they are probably gonna screw me over the first chance they get. I don't have time for that haha.

I tend to trust people I just meet easy. When it comes to promises they make I give them the benefit of the doubt. Only till they show me they can't be trusted, then I don't forget it.