Help with workplace bully

I am very well liked at my work, and I definitely have a lot of friends. There is one individual however who likes to make snide remarks, and if I try to confort him he simply walks away while I am talking. I am dating one of my coworkers, and he had tried to date her as well but she turned him down. We have a history of disliking each other and yesterday this led to an explosion. All my coworkers were at the bar, and my date went off to the restroom for a minute. This is when he pounces, he says that she told him she has to take the bus really early in the morning and if I was a real man I'd wake up early and pick her up. I jokingly, am like sure I'll do it that just to shut up him. She is also a single mom, so he's like you're gonna be changing diapers soon you gotta take the whole package not just her. I dunno why he's trying to lecture me. Then when she returns in front of her, he continues to press the issue and apparently she told him that he could pick her up for work. As we're getting ready to leave, he stops and confronts me and tells me I need to apologize for being fake, i.e. "acting different in front of my girl then when shes not there". I told him I don't need to apologize for anything, and that this isn't any of his concern. This is when he gets violent and starts to swing at me, my other coworkers grab and hold him back. And I walk off telling him I'm not going to fight him. He say's "you really are a * * * * * then". How should I deal with this guy? At work I have to work directly with him i.e. constant communication. Should I tell my managers? Or should I confront him myself? If I confront him what should I say? What should I do if I confront him and he just walks away again? What if he becomes violent again?

lol, you shouldn't be getting this personal with your co-workers.

Don't tell your boss, he/she will lose respect for both of you.

Since you are so personally involved with your co-workers, I would suggest ignoring this guy as much as possible, if he does something dumb at work then make a complaint.

Otherwise, don't hang out with guys that want to kick your butt...

Don't bring it up again unless he is doing something stupid AT work. Certainly don't go to after-work function he will be at, or best just avoid him entirely when out of work.

I am dealing with a bully right now too.

I'm torn betwen avoiding him or ripping him apart (Not physically but I could pretty much destroy him). Both I could do easily.

Thats hard... i personally would confront him.. whats your problem... then if he continues talking his bs... and wants to fight i would beat him senseless.. and he would never bother me again... but thats me.. and is prob not the right way.. and your a better man for not wanting to do that..

second options... is kill him with words... make fun of him.. be sarcastic.. make him feel little... then he will back off...

Now that he knows he can get under your skin by insulting your man hood, he's going to have a fields day with you. You need to find a way to get the reigns back. I would CC a higher supervisor on anything he and you had to say to eachother business wise. If he gets smart, they can see you are covering your * * * * . Be careful because seems like he may be looking to get a rise out of you.

I'd avoid going anywhere he will be, as he's probably praying for a rematch. Dot your i's cross your t's . Be very careful with this one, he wants to make a fool out of you.

Keep your mouth closed about your feelings towards him to other co-workers who may want to assist him in getting you to fight. Watch yourself here!

This is why it is not always good to date someone at work, because it can stir everyone up for different reasons.

It sounds like he had too much to drink, and for a while, I just wouldn't go out to bars with your co-workers for a while. Let him cool off. He may be embarrassed about taking a swing at you. And since this occurred off work property, it really isn't work related, but related to who you are dating. So don't drag your boss into this.

I also would wonder why the girl you are dating is accepting rides with this guy if she knows he likes her and wants to date her, while she's dating you. Are you sure there isn't something there, or that she might be encouraging him a bit, or likes the idea of two guys fussing over her?

Keep your relationship with this woman out of the workplace. Don't talk to her there, or treat her specially, just keep it strictly business.

Bosses usually hate having to deal with these kind of personal issues with their workers, so try to resolve it yourself by refusing to engage with the guy, and don't rub your relationship with the girl in his face either since he seems sensitive about that. If he tries to bring the subject of her up again, just say that is private between you and her, and walk away.

ripping him apart (Not physically but I could pretty much destroy him).

So deliciously tempting, isn't it? Just sayin...

Well I think anybody would be pissed off if someone was trying to lecture them how to treat a girl they went on with. I've only been on a couple dates with this girl, and coworker dating is perfectly acceptable in my work place. We're really still just friends at this point. So if he says something insulting to me what should I do next time? Walk away?

Walk away is what I would advise you to do.

It's the hardest thing to do though.

You strong enough?

You really shouldn't have let him drag you into talking about your girlfriend. You should have told him it's none of his business, because anything else you say he is just going to use as ammo against you.

I agree with the poster who asked why she would accept a ride from this guy who is a jerk to you & obviously likes her. And I'm sure what he is doing is a way to "get even" since she turned him down. How good is this job? Because if you stay with this girl & things get more heated with this guy, you might not have it for long.

Sucks to be in your shoes. I would be highly tempted to fire personal insults at him until he leaves with his tail between his legs. But more likely, he would get angry & try to beat you up.

Beat the crap outta him! show him who's boss.

Unfortunately, in my experience, some people just don't listen to reason. The only way to get them to listen at all, is to beat the piss out of them. Not that it's a good thing to do, but it doesn't sound like you're gonna be able to talk it out with this guy.

Of course, if you fight at work, my guess is you're both gonna lose your jobs.

For those who said to ignore him.

I can't ignore him because in order to do my job we must communicate.

For those who said beat him up, losing my job isn't an option.

For those who said to ignore him.

 

I can't ignore him because in order to do my job we must communicate.

 

For those who said beat him up, losing my job isn't an option.

Then like i said.. beat him with words... stand up.. otherwise he will just keep walking over you.....

For those who said to ignore him.

 

I can't ignore him because in order to do my job we must communicate.

 

For those who said beat him up, losing my job isn't an option.

How drunk was he when this happened?

Alright, I have another idea.

Pull him aside at work, tell him what happened the other night was inappropriate, but since you are both mature adults you need be able to work together if you both want to keep your jobs. Neither of you will talk about what happened, or talk about the girl, or hang out in a group. No hard feelings.. just move on & be respectful to each other at work. Maybe he'll be more reasonable when he isn't drunk.

Talk to your girl about the problems your having with this guy. You would prefer that he knows the least about your relationship as possible, thereforee would appreciate it if she didn't talk about the relationship with him when he gives her a ride because you don't want to get into a brawl with him. Would it be that inconvenient if you gave her a ride? If you guys aren't that serious anyway, maybe you should just break it off.

Excellent, Alli.

Well I think anybody would be pissed off if someone was trying to lecture them how to treat a girl they went on with. I've only been on a couple dates with this girl, and coworker dating is perfectly acceptable in my work place. We're really still just friends at this point. So if he says something insulting to me what should I do next time? Walk away?

Yes, tell the girl, that you arent going to deal with this guy's issues anymore tonight, give her the option of leaving with you, and leave the dude to pee in his own beer.

You're already well liked at work and this guy has made a complete fool of himself in front of co-workers. You did the right thing by telling him it isn't any of his business and by refusing to fight with him. Continue to be the better person and if he brings it up again, just repeat that it's personal, not work related and thereforee it doesn't concern him. I agree with the above poster who said to make sure when dealing with him at work make sure that you cover yourself completely. I'd add that if he makes any errors or causes any problems in the workplace, for now just quietly document everything.

As for the girl that you're dating accepting a ride from him, that is HER business. You've only dated her a couple of times, so there's no real relationship here. She's free to talk to whoever she wants to about whatever she pleases and if you make any attempt to stop her from accepting a ride I think it will reflect badly on you. How she handles this whole situation will be a good indication of what type of person she is and whether or not you want to continue to date her.

How drunk was he when this happened?

I don't think he was drunk at all, he's just a sociopath.

Also for those who said to confront this guy, what do I do if he just walks away? Every time I've tried to confront him in the past he won't listen to me, he just walks off.

Emotional confrontations of any kind in the workplace are always a bad thing, so confronting him probably isn't a good choice.

If he's a jerk, you will get more points with management if you show them you can rise above him and reduce conflict rather than generate it.

And the source of the conflict appears to be this girl you are dating, so try to keep your dating life out of work. If you are seeing her, ask her not to talk about it at work, and certainly not to talk to him about it. And if she's taking rides from him, i would think twice about even dating the girl. It's not worth causing trouble at work over.

And if he continues to snipe at you at work and is just a jerk, he is that way with everyone and management knows it. So if his attitude starts to interfere with work, it will probably be obvious with management, and you can take it to your boss if the conflict is work related. But if it is about this girl, do NOT take it to your boss as it will annoy them that you are making choices outside work that are causing conflict inside work.

btw, you can't 'fix' a sociopath, so confronting him will do no good if he is genuinely a sociopath. All you can do is stay away from him, and if he starts interfering with your work, talk to your boss about the problems he is causing (as long as they are not girl related).

So deliciously tempting, isn't it? Just sayin...

Yeah, but my bully is a frat brother who decided it was a good idea to get drunk and give me the middle finger after I wouldn't reply to " * * * * " as an appropriate pronoun.

The other brothers took care of him though. I am rather evil....

Yeah, but my bully is a frat brother who decided it was a good idea to get drunk and give me the middle finger after I wouldn't reply to " * * * * " as an appropriate pronoun.

 

The other brothers took care of him though. I am rather evil....

 

Nice

 

Yes very different circumstances from the original poster's. I would MOST definitively not fight if I were in the OP's situation.