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Thread: Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by My Advice
    If they are asking you to cheat that is very different then staying friends with a platonic friend or even an ex who respects your decision.
    I wouldn't be friends with anyone who wasn't respectful of my relationship with my SO - those aren't true friends.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    Although since I've been on Lexapro I havent had to deal with any of that.

    It all stemmed from my anxiety. I'm doing MUUCH better now.
    But the things that you say still sound VERY insecure. Secure people don't really talk like that.

  3. #53
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    Originally Posted by My Advice
    Batya if they are loyal and worth being in a relationship they wont cheat. If they do cheat at least you learned earlier that they are a dishonest piece of crap. Having female friends wont change their morality. But as I said, I eat and watch movies with only a female friend all the time and have no desire to sleep with them, esp when I was in a relationship. But I expect my honestly to pay off by being trusted.
    Oh I get that - but we all have our boundaries. In most cases to me it wouldn't be appropriate for my SO to watch a movie alone with a female friend at one of their houses - "appearance of impropriety"- but it's a non-issue because he wouldn't make a plan like that. So it's not a "rule" of mine because it doesn't need to be. I would make an exception if there was a female friend in town briefly and that was the only way they could spend time together- alone at one of their homes - and I am fine with him being with a married female colleague in her hotel room - she is also a friend to both of us- when they are preparing for a joint presentation. That is partly because I know her but also because I know at these conferences he attends that is typical - to prepare in someone's hotel room.

  4. #54

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    That sounds healthy to me. I think both partners need to be happy with the boundaries of each other.



    Lets just say the kind of ship where all the people were always happy. I've never had someone break up with me. All the men I've dated, which was many, were crazy about me and wanted to commit.

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  6. #55
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    Originally Posted by yumicecream
    Sometimes insecurity is something that someone with sufficient evidence for suspicion is bound to feel.

    A guy who tries to cut you off from all your friends and family is abusive. Someone who doesn't date people who have close friends of the opposite sex is a taaad bit different from that.

    I think that the insecurity argument is usually used by people who have wanted to be sexual with their best friend at one point and don't want to lose a very emotionally close relationship with that person just b/c they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. To me its a version of emotional cheating, if you've heard the term.
    How is having friends of the opposite sex a cause for suspicion?

    Both behaviours can be rooted in insecurity.

    Obviously I don't want to lose my emotional relationship with my best guy friend. I dont know if you noticed but friendships are emtional too. Especially REAL friendships. Every person in my life who has meaning to me I share a special connection with, it doesn't mean I'm cheating on my boyfriend, it just means that I value people that I care about to a great degree. My friend is respectful of my boyfriend, he goes out of his way to make my boyfriend feel welcome when he comes to our social gatherings. I would never choose a fake relationship in which the guy was too insecure to love me over a real friendship.

  7. #56
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    Originally Posted by girl68
    It's the same I don't like female friends because I don't like the idea of it, not because I don't trust him. I don't like lap dances because I don't like them not because I think he's breaking my trust by getting one.
    No, a lap dance is very different from a friendship.

  8. #57
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    Originally Posted by yumicecream
    That sounds healthy to me. I think both partners need to be happy with the boundaries of each other.



    Lets just say the kind of ship where all the people were always happy. I've never had someone break up with me. All the men I've dated, which was many, were crazy about me and wanted to commit.
    Hmm, this sounds really screwy. I have also been in relationships with men who want to commit. And thus far I have not been cheated on in a serious relationship that i know of and i have pretty strong reason to believe that. not once have i ever told them who they were ALLOWED to be friends with. That is CONTROL my friend.

    If there is a friend i am really uncomfortable with i will share it and hope they take it under advisement.

    I think you are under the very incorrect mindset that if a man is crazy about a person they will never want a friend of the opposite sex. That is the most screwed up thing I have ever heard.

    Maybe they were better at being discreet.

    The fact that you said you are ALWAYS happy is enough reason for me to feel suspect. I don't know of anyone who is ALWAYS happy and who never has problems.

  9. #58
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    I think the term "emotional cheating" gets way overused and overapplied especially when it is applied to platonic friendships. My personal definition of cheating - having sex or sexual intimacy outside of the relationship or going on a date with someone of the opposite sex - meaning, one person asks the other person out on a date - it's not a date just because the two people doing the activity are of the opposite sex.

  10. #59
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    I would have to let him do that, since almost all of my friends are guys (nature of what I do for a living and my hobbies and interests tend to attract more male participants). As jealous as I would get of female friends he might have, I'd be a hypocrite if I was upset.

    My guy friends are coworkers, we only see each other at work or on group social outings. Also emails here and there with guy friends that were all former coworkers. All my guy friends are married and I meet their wives and know their kids and stuff. My BF is always welcome to join. Any guy that seems to be getting a crush or something, I gently cut off and stay away from him until things stabilize. If not, we have to end the friendship.

    Comes down to trust over jealousy, I guess, which is really hard to do because emotions are unpredictable. I guess there is the subjective factor of sexiness.... only one of my guy friends is attractive. If my BF had a female friend who looked like a 20 year old swimsuit model, I would be fighting the green eyed monster for sure.

  11. #60

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    Lets just say the kind of ship where all the people were always happy. I've never had someone break up with me. All the men I've dated, which was many, were crazy about me and wanted to commit.[/QUOTE]

    Yummi doesn't mean you are in the right. You keep defending yourself but nobody is attacking you. We are questioning the fairness of your decision. You might just be lucky. It isn't because the men aren't having female friends. Not being alone with female friends is no barrier for cheating, and chances are if he does cheat, he wouldn't tell you he was alone with her in the first place.

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