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Thread: Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?

  1. #41

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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Sorry, I am not sure how you read my post in that way. Not what I wrote.
    I don't deny that its sometimes an issue of trust. I think a safer rule of thumb is not to allow close friendships. Its my personal qualm...for someone else, its fine not to do that b/c they've chosen to risk the things that come from that situation. If I deeply trusted the person, then sure, let him have all the female friendships he wants...but that happens over time and I don't trust men I just meet who have close female friends.
    I also think that its different for different places in life. YOu're older than I am so I assume you have a lot of male friends from business or something along those lines. Its different when you're in college and his best friend brings him popcorn late at night for a movie and thats why he can't talk on the phone.

  2. #42

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    Originally Posted by Marissa67
    Well, getting a lap dance to me qualifies as breaking the trust..... so I dont see how that compares to just hanging out with a friend.
    It's the same I don't like female friends because I don't like the idea of it, not because I don't trust him. I don't like lap dances because I don't like them not because I think he's breaking my trust by getting one.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    It doesnt mean that me and my boyfriend don't have trust. We have tons of it.

    It's a mutual agreement, not a rule. Neither of us really WANT to hang out with the opposite sex one on one.

    Neither of us really even had close friends of the sort before we were together.

    If we did, that would prob be different. Most of our close friends are same sex.

    I trust him, but him hanging out with a girl isnt something that I would like. Same with him. I perfer hanging out with guys in groups anyways, I don't like it one on one unless it's my boyfriend.

    Well you have spoke in length of your insecurity issues, so I am not sure that your completely objective here.

  4. #44

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    Although since I've been on Lexapro I havent had to deal with any of that.

    It all stemmed from my anxiety. I'm doing MUUCH better now.

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  6. #45
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    Originally Posted by My Advice
    Rose, and I say this not as a judgment or a criticism, but have you ever considered that by cutting contact with close male friends for your boyfriend you were not really a good friend? And that you might also be co-dependent?

    They all told you they just wanted some?
    Geesh. NOw i agree with you.

    This CAN'T be a trend.

    LOL

  7. #46
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    Originally Posted by yumicecream
    I don't deny that its sometimes an issue of trust. I think a safer rule of thumb is not to allow close friendships. Its my personal qualm...for someone else, its fine not to do that b/c they've chosen to risk the things that come from that situation. If I deeply trusted the person, then sure, let him have all the female friendships he wants...but that happens over time and I don't trust men I just meet who have close female friends.
    I also think that its different for different places in life. YOu're older than I am so I assume you have a lot of male friends from business or something along those lines. Its different when you're in college and his best friend brings him popcorn late at night for a movie and thats why he can't talk on the phone.
    I am older. my male friends are from : high school, graduate school, former jobs, networking, social events, people I dated at one time - so they are from all phases of my life just like my female friends. If my bf is with a friend, male or female, I would not expect him to speak with me unless it was very important or very quick as in making or confirming a plan.

    I would not like my SO hanging out alone with a female friend watching a movie but to me that has nothing to do with college - that could happen anytime - but just because neither of us would spend an evening at home watching a movie with a friend of the opposite sex doesn't mean we shouldn't have close friends from both genders.

    Setting boundaries is part of being in a relationship and the more successful you are at doing so (whether the boundaries have to do with this issue or another) the healthier the relationship. In my relationship, we're basically on the same wavelength about where we draw the line so there is rarely any discussion.

  8. #47

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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    I kept the friendship with the one guy friend who hadn't let me down in the past and who was a good friend.

    All the other guys? Yes they did only want some. They even told me so, most of them I had relations with aswell. Fwb of a sort (not sex though) but it got old.

    Most of them backed off on their own when I got a boyfriend, some even had the nerve to ask if I wanted a guy on the side!

    Utterly redicioulous.



    If they are asking you to cheat that is very different then staying friends with a platonic friend or even an ex who respects your decision.

  9. #48
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    Originally Posted by yumicecream
    I don't deny that its sometimes an issue of trust. I think a safer rule of thumb is not to allow close friendships. Its my personal qualm...for someone else, its fine not to do that b/c they've chosen to risk the things that come from that situation. If I deeply trusted the person, then sure, let him have all the female friendships he wants...but that happens over time and I don't trust men I just meet who have close female friends.
    I also think that its different for different places in life. YOu're older than I am so I assume you have a lot of male friends from business or something along those lines. Its different when you're in college and his best friend brings him popcorn late at night for a movie and thats why he can't talk on the phone.
    If i didn't think you were controlling before (even tho i was strongly suspecting it by your posts) I do now. not to ALLOW closer friendships? Wow. What kind of ship are you running?

  10. #49

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    Originally Posted by JadedStar
    Geesh. NOw i agree with you.

    This CAN'T be a trend.

    LOL


    Jaded, we either agree very strongly or disagree very strongly I have noticed, but not uncommon with me.

  11. #50

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    Batya if they are loyal and worth being in a relationship they wont cheat. If they do cheat at least you learned earlier that they are a dishonest piece of crap. Having female friends wont change their morality. But as I said, I eat and watch movies with only a female friend one on one all the time and have no desire to sleep with them, esp when I was in a relationship. But I expect my honestly to pay off by being trusted.

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