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Thread: Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?

  1. #321

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    You are acting like they can't help it. I hang out with girls all the time who are in relationships and it's quite simple, they are in a relationship and no matter what they look like or who they are or even if they would do it, I wont.


    It isn't an issue though because we BOTH see each other as just friends -- or at least I do, I don't know what they see me as.

  2. #322
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    I know I said I'd stay away from this thread but I feel compelled to respond with one simple question: whatever happened to self control?

  3. #323
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    ^^BINGO

    And i have said it before somewhere in these 33 pages but most people who cheat end up cheating with people they were not good friends with. Believe it or not it is actually more uncommon to hear of really good guy and girl friends cheating. It is usually a new coworker they start spending time with or someone they meet while out and something goes askew. Most people feel almost 'icky' to take a friendship with a really good guy or gal friend of opp sex to the level of sex.

    With the age of online chat rooms that cater to everything from find a person to screw you behind your partner's back to sexy chats there is no way on earth a man or a woman would need to breach their friendship with people they are actually friends with to cheat. I'd be more leary of the internet adult sites vs someone's good friends.

    In other words, often when someone cheats the SO never even KNEW that person and they were not good friends prior to the event.

  4. #324

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    I absolutely agree with this 100%. It has always driven me crazy that you often can't be really good friends with a girl before you sleep with her but this is the one thing where it is an advantage. People often don't like to sleep with their really good friends. esp girls.

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  6. #325
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    And I will say again, my gf has many guy friends. It's actually the majority rather than minority. Does that mean that I should freak out and deny her the possibility of having male friends because she might not be able to contain herself like a kid in a candy shop? Reading these replies too much might cause me to wonder then just how innocent my gf's relationship is with a close friend of hers.

    A person is asking if it's ok for your bf or gf to have friends of the opposite sex and I say well I think it's important to look at the person you're with. How are they handling this friendship with this opposite sex person? Through empathy I recognize that my gf cannot help herself and bring herself to tell her friends what she feels is inappropriate much because she feels bad about it, she's young so I get it. The thing being is that her closest guy friend is completely in love with her and just told her that he wants to buy her a christmas present that's around 400 dollars. She's had another male friend offer her money for sex and another male friend try to get her to cheat on me with him.

    Yet despite it bothering me what they have said to her, I don't find it a problem she has friends. She has her judgement to work on and figure out and it's not my place to dictate to her what judgement she should lay upon people in her life. I trust her to make good and proper decisions and maybe in time it will happen and maybe not. All I know is that I would like to think I know her well enough that she can have male friends and she not feel the desire to be unfaithful to me. That's just the way I see it with my gf. Why would I deny her the chance to have male friends? The funny part being that I think in my case especially I SHOULD have good reason to tell her no and yet I just trust her not to. Am I foolish? Secure? Or maybe I see why it is I trust her and why I know we'll be fine, no matter how much money some male friend wants to spend on her.

  7. #326
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    Originally Posted by DaveCummings
    The thing being is that her closest guy friend is completely in love with her and just told her that he wants to buy her a christmas present that's around 400 dollars. She's had another male friend offer her money for sex and another male friend try to get her to cheat on me with him.

    Does she still remain friends with these people? If so, I think that is crossing the line.

    Guy 1 seems okay, except that he is in love with your girl... Is one of the reasons she hangs with him because of attention?


    Guy 2 trying to buy sex from your GF? why would you remain friends with someone who views you as a prostitute?

    Guy 3.... I would rather find out my GF killed somebody rather than cheat on me. He's asking her to do one of the most immoral things anyone can do. Horrible...

    If she is still friends with these guys(1st one... meh... a little sketchy...) then I think that's crossing the line.




    As far as my views go.... If my Girlfriend wants to hang out with another guy, I would like to have an idea who he is or better yet meet him first. My GF has a good guy friend who she rarely gets to see, but when she does, she may go eat dinner with him and his family and play some video games. She's only done this with him once while she's been with me, and she even asked if I would mind if she went to go hang out with him. Plus she knew this guy long before she met me.

    I'll admit that I get jealous, but that's because I'm not from around here and I don't have too many other friends to hang out with, and she has lived here most of her life. But I think this is acceptable, and as far as I know he respects the fact that she is in a relationship.

    On the other hand.... She used to be friends with guys who were real jerks. She went with her best friend to go see her best friends BF another town over, and while she was there, her friend and her BF went to his bedroom to to do the hokie pokie while she stayed in the living room with a few of his friends whom were all males... One of these guys "kept her company" but was hitting on her until she told him that she had a BF. And her best friends BF suggested a threesome... Which she obviously didn't do. However for some reason she kep contact with both of these guys, not very often but I would see her texting every once and awhile, and I told her it bothered me. Another one is that her ex who cheated on her will send her a message like once a month or so on AIM and she will have a short conversation with him. The thing is, is that she is so damn friendly and very very forgiving. But I am very intolerable of people who act like these guys. Eventually I told her, "You know, this isn't okay." And we talked it out and compromised.

    I also told her about my best friend whom I had known since 6th grade who was a female. Her and I were as platonic as could be, everytime she got a boyfriend I wouldn't be jealous or anything. But when I got a girlfriend..... Wasn't the same. When she found out I was dating my current GF, she started saying how she wanted to sleep with me, how she would be so much better in bed, and even was quite serious about suggesting a threesome with me, my GF and her... I ended the friendship because that is far too innappropriate, and I can't be friends with someone who will be like that. For some reason, my GF told me that I didn't have to do that. But I said that it was the right thing to do. And it was.

    I was stressing out about this and I eventually pushed her too far asking about these guys, and she broke down, I made it seem like I didn't trust her, but that wasn't the case. I felt horrible and after seeing her reaction I knew I could absolutely trust her 100%. (Yes I apologized profusely, and showed her all the love she deserved at that point) Not to mention coming on here and reading some of the addvice helped a bunch too.

    We are on the same page as far as having friends with the opposite sex. We absolutely trust each other, but it's a respect we have for each other to let the other know if we wanted to hang out or talk to a friend of the opposite sex.
    Last edited by zachiphus; 12-02-2008 at 07:59 PM.

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