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Thread: Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    Exactly. It's something we just perfer not to do for ourselves and eachothers. It's not a rule of control or anything, its just something we choose.
    I don't think you understand what the poster before you is saying.

  2. #22
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    And, what about gay friends of the same sex... how do you know they wouldn't be tempted then either??

    to those who say 'no' would you even mind if they went out for lunch or for after work drinkd with a work colleague?

  3. #23
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    The way I see it, younger girls with lots of guy friends use the 'trust' argument a lot. I would say that a big part of it is that they like all the male attention. (and most of them know that a good number of their 'just friends' guy friends aren't truly 100% platonic).

    The ironic part is that as these girls age, and their looks fade, and maybe their in a committed relationship or even married, all of a sudden, it's not so cool for their boyfriend or husband to use the 'trust' argument to hang out with younger co-workers etc.

    Just my 2c.

  4. #24

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    I have many girlfriends (over 50%) and one of my best friends is somebody I was in a relationship with.

    I will not give them up for any woman. I wont hang out with them less for any woman. I don't care how in love I am.

    I don't cheat or leave for somebody else. I give 100% to any relationship. If they know me well enough for a serious relationship, esp marriage, then they will know an important part of who I am.

  5.  

  6. #25

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    Personally, I've taken the stance against opposite sex friendships b/c most of the time people who claim there is nothing more than a friendship there are lying. To me, I'd rather not even deal with the possiblity so when I meet someone new who has a female best friend, its a deal breaker... I don't like it if my SO flirts with other women, even, either. Casual friendships where they hang out minimally but are able to talk are fine with me. However, if a guy says to me, "Its very important to me that I am allowed to have a close relationship with my friend, Jessica," I'd say, "goodbye!"

    To me, its more oppressive to hear the opposite rule, which is, "Trust me!! I am testing your trust for me by having a close female friend, you better trust me!!"

    Also, anyone who doesn't believe there are rules in relationships or anything else involving humans dealing with one another are fooling themselves.

    Not all women are like me, so whoever your close guy friend dates is going to just have to be one of those women who are fine with that sort of thing.
    Last edited by yumicecream; 11-06-2008 at 08:45 PM.

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by yumicecream
    Personally, I've taken the stance against opposite sex friendships b/c most of the time people who claim there is nothing more than a friendship there are lying. To me, I'd rather not even deal with the possiblity so when I meet someone new who has a female best friend, its a deal breaker... I don't like it if my SO flirts with other women, even, either. Casual friendships where they hang out minimally but are able to talk are fine with me. However, if a guy says to me, "Its very important to me that I am allowed to have a close relationship with my friend, Jessica," I'd say, "goodbye!"

    Also, anyone who doesn't believe there are rules in relationships are anything else involving humans dealing with one another are fooling themselves.


    That is unfortunate. Although yes, many opposite sex friendships turn into an attraction and it happens on both sides, that does not mean anybody has to act on it. You are missing an opportunity to have some very good friendships with a segment that makes up half the world.

    I don't want to have sex with my female friends but we hang out all the time. They provide a different perspective being that their experiences as a female are very different than mine.


    There are definite rules to relationships. But not having close friends of the opposite sex would be stiflingly and limiting very positive experiences.

  8. #27

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    Yumicecream- I agree 100% with you!!

    About 80% of my friends before my boyfriend were guys. I even had a male best friend. I've had 2, and for BOTH of them I had very strong feelings for them and one of them turned into a relationship and it didn't work out with, the other I was so infactuated with that whenever he got a gf I would get jelouse. And all the other guys were just my friends because they wanted some. Once I got my boyfriend, I cut contact with all but one guy. It was innapropriate. Me, my boyfriend, and my friend Scott have hung out together, and I still text and talk to him but I don't hang out with him one on one.

  9. #28

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    Originally Posted by My Advice
    That is unfortunate. Although yes, many opposite sex friendships turn into an attraction and it happens on both sides, that does not mean anybody has to act on it. You are missing an opportunity to have some very good friendships with a segment that makes up half the world.

    I don't want to have sex with my female friends but we hang out all the time. They provide a different perspective being that their experiences as a female are very different than mine.


    There are definite rules to relationships. But not having close friends of the opposite sex would be stiflingly and limiting very positive experiences.

    Its not unfortunate, its smart. I think that its great for a man to challange himself by not surrounding his entire life with me and me only. I think its great if he has varying friends from diverse backgrounds. However, a female friend that is very close to him (hang out quite often) is something I find completely unattractive in a man. YOu even recognize that there is a sense of attraction between opposite sex friends...I want that attraction to be for me and me only. Other women aren't like this, so those women are perfect for people who are the "meet my best friend I was hanging out with last night on her couch watching reruns, Sherry" types.

  10. #29

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    Rose, and I say this not as a judgment or a criticism, but have you ever considered that by cutting contact with close male friends for your boyfriend you were not really a good friend? And that you might also be co-dependent?

    They all told you they just wanted some?

  11. #30

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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    Yumicecream- I agree 100% with you!!

    About 80% of my friends before my boyfriend were guys. I even had a male best friend. I've had 2, and for BOTH of them I had very strong feelings for them and one of them turned into a relationship and it didn't work out with, the other I was so infactuated with that whenever he got a gf I would get jelouse. And all the other guys were just my friends because they wanted some. Once I got my boyfriend, I cut contact with all but one guy. It was innapropriate. Me, my boyfriend, and my friend Scott have hung out together, and I still text and talk to him but I don't hang out with him one on one.
    Exactly, you are still friends with the guy, but its minimal contact ...you aren't alone in quiet settings with this guy.

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