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Thread: Is it okay to have friends of opposite-sex?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Staveandor
    I never looked at it as a 'rule or regulation' when I was with my ex... more of a mutual agreement. She started to break the agreement, so I did too. She got really, really hurt (as did I) but I pushed just as far as she did when she wouldn't listen to how badly she was hurting me.

    An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, as they say. Obviously, there were trust issues between us (BECAUSE she was hanging out with guys and not telling me) and we're no longer together.
    But the reason that you had that mutual agreement was cause you didnt fully trust eachother, which shows in your "eye for an eye" game that you played.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by girl68
    Just becasue there's trust doesn't mean there should be no limits on a 'leash'. I TRUST my boyfriend but I do not want him over at some chicks house "hanging out". I could trust him with my life, and I still wouldn't like that.

    I mean if you don't ever let your partner do ANYTHING that's a bit much, but having some limits on what they can or cannot do sometimes has nothing to do with trust.
    I think it depends on 'the chick' too. If it's their long-time friend who they've known for a while and even before you started dating, I think that's fine. But if it's someone they just met then yeah, I can see where you could get uncomfortable. But then again, if you trust him, why worry?

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by Marissa67
    I think it depends on 'the chick' too. If it's their long-time friend who they've known for a while and even before you started dating, I think that's fine. But if it's someone they just met then yeah, I can see where you could get uncomfortable. But then again, if you trust him, why worry?
    Yes it would depend on the chick however, sometimes it really doesn't have anything to to with trust, I trust he'd never do anything like cheat on me or the like but even though I know that it doesn't mean I have to be okay with him spending alone time with a chick- period.

    It's like if he got a lap dance from a stripped I TRUST he's not doing anything but I don't LIKE him getting a dance. I don't LIKE him hanging out with girls. I'm allowed to not like that. Nothing to do with trust.

    Now, don't assume I don't allow him to have female friends- I do, and he hangs out with them and what not, but I'm just saying even though I turst him it has nothing to do with me not liking the whole situation.

  4. #14
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    I couldn't be involved with or marry someone who had the view that just because I promised not to date or sleep with anyone else that also meant I had to give up male friends. For one thing, I think my friendships with men enhance my communication skills and relationship skills with my SO. I feel the same about his platonic relationships with women. I should add that I define a friend as someone who respects my relationship with my SO so that by definition excludes men who behave inappropriately with me as far as my having an SO.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by girl68
    Yes it would depend on the chick however, sometimes it really doesn't have anything to to with trust, I trust he'd never do anything like cheat on me or the like but even though I know that it doesn't mean I have to be okay with him spending alone time with a chick- period.

    It's like if he got a lap dance from a stripped I TRUST he's not doing anything but I don't LIKE him getting a dance. I don't LIKE him hanging out with girls. I'm allowed to not like that. Nothing to do with trust.

    Now, don't assume I don't allow him to have female friends- I do, and he hangs out with them and what not, but I'm just saying even though I turst him it has nothing to do with me not liking the whole situation.
    Well, getting a lap dance to me qualifies as breaking the trust..... so I dont see how that compares to just hanging out with a friend.

  7. #16
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    I think in a relationship we have to allow things we don't "like"- I don't like all of his friends/acquaintances but my reaction is not to try to control if he sees them.

  8. #17
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    I have lots of male friends, and most of the guys I've dated have had lots of female friends. I couldn't imagine it ever been an issue or making rules like

    -no making new friends of the opposite sex
    -no hanging out alone
    -or any kind of rule

    Anytime you put these sorts or 'rules' or pressures on someone, all the trust just goes out the window. When people are given rules, they will push them to the limit.

    In any normal healthy relationship, you shouldn't have to lay our rules or give ultimatums... I would hate to be in a relationship like that.

  9. #18

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    It doesnt mean that me and my boyfriend don't have trust. We have tons of it.

    It's a mutual agreement, not a rule. Neither of us really WANT to hang out with the opposite sex one on one.

    Neither of us really even had close friends of the sort before we were together.

    If we did, that would prob be different. Most of our close friends are same sex.

    I trust him, but him hanging out with a girl isnt something that I would like. Same with him. I perfer hanging out with guys in groups anyways, I don't like it one on one unless it's my boyfriend.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    It doesnt mean that me and my boyfriend don't have trust. We have tons of it.

    It's a mutual agreement, not a rule. Neither of us really WANT to hang out with the opposite sex one on one.

    Neither of us really even had close friends of the sort before we were together.

    If we did, that would prob be different. Most of our close friends are same sex.

    I trust him, but him hanging out with a girl isnt something that I would like. Same with him. I perfer hanging out with guys in groups anyways, I don't like it one on one unless it's my boyfriend.
    I think there's a difference between someone not doing something because they don't prefer to - like not having opposite sex friends - and on the other hand "agreeing" not to have opposite sex friends - in that case you're imposing an agreement but pretending that it's a preference - if it truly were a preference there'd be no need for an agreement -- unless there was a trust issue.

  11. #20

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    Exactly. It's something we just perfer not to do for ourselves and eachothers. It's not a rule of control or anything, its just something we choose.

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