"Be yourself" - does it mean you shouldn't learn, change, grow?

I often hear the phrase "be yourself". Very often, in the contexts I hear it, I feel as if it's trying to hold you back, to limit your ability to fully grow up and think.

Don't we learn from our mistakes and change? Don't we grow up?

If we decide to change, if we decide to grow up, are we not being ourselves?

Could it be that "be yourself" is just an excuse old friends use to prevent you from changing into someone they wouldn't like anymore?

Be yourself, I don't believe in that. I tried to be someone else for so long, I have no idea what that phrase means. I don't know how to not be who I rather be and just be "myself" that is so odd. But I think you maybe have to break down walls and just slowly accept the changes of the new person you are becoming. I don't quite know. But everyone does mature and change slightly, sometimes significantly throughout their lives.

all it means is don't try and pretend to like things or be like people you really don't like.

Its good to leave your comfort zone.

I think in the case of relationship, it means, don't sacrifice who you are to please someone else. Don't pretend to be a heavy metal fan to impress someone, don't pretend to ask questions about politics to someone when you have no interest, just to try and impress them.

I think be yourself means do things for you and not for anyone else. Don't act a certain way to please someone, don't do certain behaviors b/c other people do. Be yourself is about growing and learning and changing from your past etc...it's about being real with who you are and what your gifts and limitations actually are.

I often hear the phrase "be yourself". Very often, in the contexts I hear it, I feel as if it's trying to hold you back, to limit your ability to fully grow up and think.

 

Don't we learn from our mistakes and change? Don't we grow up?

If we decide to change, if we decide to grow up, are we not being ourselves?

 

Could it be that "be yourself" is just an excuse old friends use to prevent you from changing into someone they wouldn't like anymore?

Absoultely not! Some people mistakenly believe this, and are stubborn about it. A good example is when a person refuses to change any bad habits when dating becasue they feel they should "Be themselves". An example of not being oneself would be pretending to be aggressive when you really aren't, or bleaching your hair blonde because the guy you are crushing on only dates blondes...

Being yourself in its richest form is being the "best" self you can be and that means ever changing and evolving, even reinventing yourself sometimes to match your changing world.

It doesn't mean you have a free pass to be inconsiderate to people and expect to never suffer repercussions just because "you are being yourself". IF that is how a person needs to be to be true to him or herself they just have to understand that it may make for a lonely existence.

There is a huge differnece in "bending" and being flexible to accommodate another person on occasion and repressing who you really are to fit in or please the masses.

Being yourself if being the best you you can be without allowing other people to make those self improvement decisions for you.

I am always myself. However, I change (in what I feel is the better) every day. Or, at least, strive too.

You ask some good questions BusyNdizzy.

Irrespective of the reasons someone may have for saying "be yourself," being yourself is actually just being - without definition.

Every moment you think of yourself, you are perceiving an image of yourself. Some perceived images may match your own ideal image of yourself or another's image of you. Some images may feel 'out of sorts' or vulnerable or whatever due to you trying to maintain a certain self image, generally a 'good' one.

As you mature in the growth sense of this word, your image of yourself changes, becomes not so definite, lighter, less definable. This is only your image of yourself changing. Ultimately, or essentially, you are beyond definition, undefinable.

Being essentially undefinable, you can appear to be whatever you believe, imagine, picture, image, yourself to be (within limits). I find it easier and less stressful if I remain essentially undefined; then, wherever I am, I know where I am, and what I am.

I sorta kinda agree with Talo. I think that in being yourself, we have a skewed idea of what "self" is.

Example:

"I'm no good at math." I can't see how defining yourself in terms of a cognitive skill will be helpful, whether you decide to be yourself or not. If you have to obsess, it is more accurate to say - "I am a person who has made the choice to not develop my math skills."

My brother says his favorite hobby is defining things by what they are not. The Buddha did this at times too. Here are some things "self" is NOT

Your mind

Your thoughts

Your emotions

Your friends or lovers

Your clothes

Your job

Your house

Your education

Your wants

I can hear you now, saying, ok N&Z, if I am NOT all those things, what's left? What am I? Who is this self?

I wish I could tell you. You have to figure it out for yourself. You can't use your mind to figure out what your true self is, it wants you to think you ARE your mind.

So ok, to answer your questiton, should you be yourself? Absolutely. But be sure what that is.

Well when other people say it to you, my experience has been that it is often a shoddy attempt to say something that could be said much better and clearer.

Saying "be yourself" to someone, the very wording of it makes it sound like a demand.

And I won't argue with you, I think sometimes people do use it that way. They are demanding that you not deviate too far from how they are used to knowing you.

Nothing malicious there usually, it's human nature to get afraid when things change. Especially people close to you, that can be real scary. And rarely is it conscious in the person that they are feeling threatened by changes you may be making.

Sometimes it is used to say all sorts of things. Concern. Trying to provide some comfort. Even affection.

We all know by now that communication is only a tiny bit of what a person says (language) and most of the bulk of the message is in the other stuff.

So it's up to you to try and understand where others may be coming from when they use this line to try and communicate with you. You can even ask them, if you aren't getting a clear idea of what it is they are actually trying to express, how they are actually feeling.

Anyways, there is only one person ultimately who knows the real truth of whether you are being genuine or not - and that is you. It is totally up to you.

Other people can help as markers, but what I am really trying to say with all these words is...

don't get too caught up in the words!!

I often hear the phrase "be yourself". Very often, in the contexts I hear it, I feel as if it's trying to hold you back, to limit your ability to fully grow up and think.

 

Don't we learn from our mistakes and change? Don't we grow up?

If we decide to change, if we decide to grow up, are we not being ourselves?

 

Could it be that "be yourself" is just an excuse old friends use to prevent you from changing into someone they wouldn't like anymore?

being you is simply being you. knowing yourself, your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses and limitations. it's knowing one's nature and what makes one tick.

i think we obviously do change, but within our innate characters. everyday we gain new wisdom and knowledge, and new experiences. and this in itself is change.

Whenever I am not at ease it's because in some way I'm not being true to myself. If I am angry at someone it's because I think they should somehow be doing what I want instead of what they want. That goes against my belief that each person gets to choose for him/herself. If I am sad because the person I love doesn't love me back it's the same. If I am discouraged because it seems too hard to get where I want to be in life it's because I have disregarded my own belief that it isn't always easy to get what you want. If I am hurt, lonely, or heartbroken there are similar explanations of how I've bought into ideas that directly conflict with my beliefs.

When I am being myself life is good, I feel good, and I am actively working towards my goals.

"knowing yourself and being yoursef" often involves change. We all change as we age. some people don't get that and forever try to be 21. Being yourself means knowing your age, your essense, and your values. If they change, it's acknowledging that, also.