He loves me but cant be with me!?

I really hope someone can give me some words of wisdom.

I spent the night at my ex's house. He had been adking me all week to come over since he had the house to himself this wknd. I went, and it was perfect. could not have gone better....UNTIL...the morning when i realized that nothing was going to change.

I started crying (STUPID ME!) and he told me that he loves me with all his heart, he wants me, he cares about me, BUT...he said it wouldnt be fair to me if he were to be with me. He doesnt want the responsibility of worrying about a girlfriend, or having to wonder how his actions will affect me. I know that he will probably move on, but he said that no matter what happens, im his best friend and the only one who knows his darkest secrets and everything about him and he'll always be there for me. I understand to a point, but at the same time i dont! What am i missing?? if you need anymore info on the backstory just refer to my last thread.

As hard as that was to hear, you have to give him credit for at least telling you how he felt. I think you need to make that the last time you go over to house and spend time with him, he's having his cake and eating it too, so to speak. Try to move on and focus on other aspects of your life. It sounds to me like the issue isn't with you, it is with him. Perhaps a fear of commitment. He is right tho.... it isn't fair on you to be with someone who can't be there for you 100%.

NO CONTACT !!! Period!

He loves you, but he doesn't love you romantically. He doesn't want to put effort into a relationship.

Don't take it personally as he does like you but it seems as if he doesn't want anybody at the moment.

Also, go No contact till you are less emotionally distraught by his actions.

Im so frustrated. I was doing so well until he contacted me. Its been 2 weeks, and now it seems harder to stop talking to him.

Im so frustrated. I was doing so well until he contacted me. Its been 2 weeks, and now it seems harder to stop talking to him.

That's why No contact is the best way......

Take some time off (and by sometime I mean about 4-5 months.) However long it takes for you to not be so hurt by his actions. Maybe wait till you are both dating other people and no longer have attachment to one another. Then you can talk to him.

Right now, you do not want to be friends. You are hoping friendship will lead to more. You have to be comfortable with the fact that it won't, before it's okay to be friends again.

i agree - no contact. and tell him that unless he wants to get back together, that you don't want to hear from him. it's really not helping you. good luck. get this guy out of your system. you deserve a guy who is crazy about you, sees how fabulous you are, and can't keep away from you!!!! don't forget that! after all, that's what you'd tell your best friend if she were in your shoes.

sounds like an exuse... def NC...

I heard the exact same crap from my ex and it really really hurt. The hardest pill to swallow was knowing that if my ex wanted to be with me that he could humanly make the effort.

It sounds lile your ex is making excuses or wanting to date around or whatever. It doesn't matter - the fact is that YOU deserve someone who loves you AND wants to be with you. It sounds like half of the equation is there with your ex but the other half is missing. There is absolutely no reason why you should settle for less - no reason AT ALL.

Why would you settle for that? Its gonna hurt for a bit but go NC and start moving on.

Please just go "NC" with this idiot!

He showed little respect for you by telling you this, after he got you to spend the night, and used you for his booty call.

Please just go "NC" with this idiot!

 

He showed little respect for you by telling you this, after he got you to spend the night, and used you for his booty call.

I totally agree. He calls you over to have sex and then the next day he gives this crap about loving you but how it wouldn't be fair to you to be in a relationship with him....like he really cares about being fair to you! If he cared about you and cared about being fair to you, he would not have called you up for just a booty call. Do not take any more phone calls from this guy...given the fact that he is capable of this, I don't doubt that next time he feels horny he might rope you in by giving false promises of getting back together with you.

Agreed. Just drop out of his life. I can't imagine what crap he was telling you to convince you to come over on the weekend. You're my best friend, but I'll tell you crap and ditch you in the morning. Good on ya ex, you're a real hero.

i just went NC. its killing me, i feel like i have more to say but i know i shouldnt call/text him.

Wow- are our ex's the same person..... I just heard alll of this too!!! cant be with me blah blah, loves me to much, knows i can do better, but when he has a urge,,,all of a sudden he thinks it can work, next day yuppers same thing......

Im done being fooled--personally I would rather have a booty call with a stranger then him at least i know im being used from the start.... not holding on to the hopes that maybe this time it will be different....

DO NC im trying to, hurts like hell, but iknow it hurts more the next day after i have been tricked.

hello,

i got an account to this just so i could respond to your problem, though this may be overdue. I am in the same situation, and I now realize that I am making the mistake of remaining his friend, actually spending time with him, and it just makes things soo much harder for me. He says he loves me and he knows that I love him, but he said he does not want to hold me back from other experiences (he is a bit older), but wants to be my friend, because I am his "best friend". What he does not realize is that it hurts me and confuses me to be just his friend. I don't understand how he could love and desire me but not feel pain when he is away from me. I think I also should take the advise of no contact, but it makes me cry to think about it. How is it going?

this sounds similar to how my friend feels about her ex.

This is exactly what is happening to me right now.

I was with my ex for 2 years. we split up last month, and he said if we get back together in the future then thats what will happen. but i have no intention of it as it stands. but we meet up, get on great, he sleeps with me, we do everything we used to do. i was only doing all this as i thought we were on the road to recovery. it was only tonight that he told me he had no intention of getting back together.

I dont knot what to do as in my head I have planned the future with him. and in everyday conversation we talk about the future, like holidays and kids and everything.

I cant bare the thought of him being with someone else. we live away from eachother so only ever see each other on weekends, but he has a younger group of girls that pester him all the time which hurts.

No contact is what i need to do, to make him realise what i mean to him. Its just difficult as I have a lot of personal problems. A loved one is ill and its terminal, I have been made redundant and recently suffered a miscarriage. he is my bestfriend and the first person i lean on. any advice?

This is exactly what is happening to me right now.

I was with my ex for 2 years. we split up last month, and he said if we get back together in the future then thats what will happen. but i have no intention of it as it stands. but we meet up, get on great, he sleeps with me, we do everything we used to do. i was only doing all this as i thought we were on the road to recovery. it was only tonight that he told me he had no intention of getting back together.

I dont knot what to do as in my head I have planned the future with him. and in everyday conversation we talk about the future, like holidays and kids and everything.

I cant bare the thought of him being with someone else. we live away from eachother so only ever see each other on weekends, but he has a younger group of girls that pester him all the time which hurts.

No contact is what i need to do, to make him realise what i mean to him. Its just difficult as I have a lot of personal problems. A loved one is ill and its terminal, I have been made redundant and recently suffered a miscarriage. he is my bestfriend and the first person i lean on. any advice?

exactly what's happening to me!

he said those words and gave me hope of getting back together

but he speaks to me nicely only when he is horny

then he will treat me like crap

NC is the only way

Sounds like the same things happen to a lot of people.

My situation isn't exactly the same, but there are similarities. My ex fiancee broke up with me just yesterday. He said he could no longer be patient when it came to my constant worrying and freaking out over little things that, in his opinion, mean nothing. (I've posted in other forums and talked to friends, and it seems that he is just about the only person that things these are "just little things"...almost everyone I've spoken with say that I was perfectly right in being distraught)

Anyway. He told me I was an amazing girlfriend, and that I made him happy, and that I never hurt him...but he could no longer stand the worrying. My best friend told me that he shouldn't have given me a reason to worry.

In the beginning of our relationship, we broke up and got back together a lot due to silly meaningless excuses from him. We have been (seemingly) perfectly fine for months, and now this.

I've decided that I'm going to go NC for a month, then check in on him. A casual "Hey, how have you been?" then some chit-chat followed by "I have to run, I have (enter activity we have fond memories of together here) to go to. Catch ya later!" Then I will see if he tries to get ahold of me. If he loves me like he truly says he does (and acts like he does, outside of this break-up) I expect he will miss me and ask for me to come back again.

However. I'm going to (moderately) play hard to get at first, and then when I feel the time is right, get back together with him. Once we do get back together, we will definitely be setting some ground rules.

Hi,

I'm sorry that you're going through this.. It really depends on his core values when he tells you that he loves you. At a time of a break up, to tell somebody that you love them but don't want them is contradictory. Love is something sacred between 2 people and isn't a button that can be switched on or off.

I have just had the same thing said to me. And also told not to contact her anymore. Again, I found it ambiguous and it didn't stop me from sending her flowers in an attempt to win her back. After all, she truly loves me right?

Anyway, she snubbed the flowers and has snubbed me. She's now with somebody else which is gut wrenching.

So, the lesson is, she is either lying to me, to herself, her new boyfriend or all 3. It's something that she owns. The only saving grace for her and your ex is that the person is torn. If that's the case, leave them be. Let them come to their own senses. It's hard. I feel your pain. I'm in it right now too. It's at this very point right now that we build strength of character. Right now!!

Most people will say move on, get over it etc.. But it's not that easy. And it can feel quite dismissive and as if you're stupid. Which is not the case. It's love and it makes us do and feel things that we sometimes didn't even know we were capable of feeling about another person.

Just remember, you deserve to be loved, it's possible and you deserve it. Choose your battles wisely and be sure not to cast your pearls to swine.

Have a good day!

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