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Thread: A whole mess of emotions

  1. #1
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    A whole mess of emotions

    Ok, I've been bumming around here for a bit too shy to write..well I'm stuck and I need help.

    Long story short-was with a guy for almost 3 years, we got engaged in July, about two weeks later my grandma died (very close to us) about a week and a half after that he said he needed to 'find' himself and that he needed some space. Worst. week. ever. I found out on my own that he had been cheating for some time, I have no clue how long because he has lied so much I have NO clue who he even really is. I mean he went from my knight in shining armor to a complete sleazebag. Never knew he had it in him, but apparently after 3 years I didn't really know him. SO. Still hurts like crazy, still think about him, keep bouncing from refusing to think about him to hating his guts. Well I had a guy friend help me through some of it, basically he listened while I vented and yelled (I got left a nice chunk of debt). About a month ago he asked me out. I said I really wasn't ready, I was enjoying being single, finally, I've changed so drastically since the breakup, I'm such a different woman..he said he knew it would be difficult but he was willing to try..so against my better judgment we became a couple. I'll call him Scott.

    Right after my breakup I had gone on a bit of a vacation..not gonna lie, ran away for a week to be with some friends. Met a guy, guy took me on the most romantic night of my life (this was before scott) and for the first time in my LIFE, I felt butterflies. I was weak in the knees. Never felt that way before. It was amazing. But when I left we mutually agreed it was just a one time fling, a little innocent flirting. I'll call him Jack.

    When I got back Jack and I ended up talking for hours at a time on the phone. I assumed he still wanted just a friendship. So when Scott asked me out I of course told Jack. He was pretty hurt and disappointed. I may have stretched it a little and told him it was only a couple of dates, that it wasn't serious. Here lies my problem.

    Scott is very clingy. Texts and calls me every day, whenever he gets off work he wants me to come over and see him until he goes to bed..almost every day of the week. When we hang out he just hangs on me. He's very physical and is constantly kissing my head, neck, back, cheek, etc. I've tried talking to him to no avail, he says 'thats just the way he is'. Don't get me wrong, he's a very nice guy. Has a TON of the qualities that I would prefer to have in a mate, he's looking for a future wife, he has a good job and wants to settle down. Jack on the other hand is totally different. We talk every other to every day. We have real conversations. He's just a completely different guy. I'm flying out to see him on the 27th. I have a friend out there who I see as much as I can afford(it's a plane ticket). I really don't know what to do. I have lingering feelings about the ex, I was quite happy being single and enjoying working on myself, figuring out my own life. I have feelings for both of these great guys but lately I find myself avoiding Scott just because he is so overly attentive. I really don't know what to do.

    I'm sorry for all the background and all the extra info, but there are a lot of factors at play. Any advice is welcome. I keep switching between wanting to be with either man. I can't get any real advice from friends or family because they all seem to be biased toward Scott. Any advice at all is appreciated, and I hope I was clear enough to get my point accross.

    Thanks in advance.

  2. #2

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    So basically your taking Scott along for a ride? Or are you over him completely? You CAN NOT have two guys at once. You need to be honest with Scott and tell him that you feel you need to move on if you want to try things with Jack. As far as you and Scott goes, its like typical maybe he wasn't ready to be serious.

  3. #3

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    Welcome to eNotAlone.

    I agree that you really should not be seeing these two guys at the same time if either or both of them is being misled and it certainly seems that Scott is, I would think probably Jack is too.

    Remember how you felt when your fiancÚ cheated on you. Scott will probably feel much the same if he finds out about Jack.

    I think you should stop seeing both of these guys until you are properly over your ex and know what it is that you want in a man. If one of them is 'the one', and is available and still interested at that time then you may be able to resume the relationship.

  4. #4
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    Oh jeez..sorry sorry, to clear it up, Scott knows Jack's existence, and Jack knows I'm seeing Scott. I am trying very hard to keep everything open, I am NOT the kind to go running behind backs. Especially because of my ex. I am not 'seeing' both men. I actually talked with my mom a little bit ago..she helped me out more then I thought she could. She thinks I put too much hold on what other people think is good for me, and that even if I do care for Scott, I need to be straight with him and let him know that I just need some time. For real, as of this past July I was engaged..it's not something you can easily turn off. Scott has his pros and cons but I'm beginning to resent him because she says I'm basically not ready for him. I don't even know if I want to be in a committed relationship but if you boil it all down to the basics..I'm unhappy, I'm stressed, and I'm frustrated. It doesn't matter whether I'm not willing or not able to put forth the effort into a relationship, at the moment I need to concentrate on what makes me happy, which at the moment would be being single. Does this make sense? Or am I running away from a guy who could potentially be very good for me?

    I suck.

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  6. #5

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    Well, I think if you feel you aren't ready for a relationship then it means you aren't. And you can't force feelings for someone - it doesn't seem like either of these guys is someone who is relationship potential for you. And in order not to hurt them it would be better to walk away - at least for now.

  7. #6
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    Thanks, I think I'll have a talk with him. We'll see how it goes I guess.

  8. #7

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    A guy who CHEATED on you, is not good for you. You don't suck, you need to take a break completely from scott, be away from him.


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