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Thread: My boyfriend threw me across the room...was it my fault?

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend threw me across the room...was it my fault?

    hello everyone,

    somehow my relationship has been deteriorating now that his gone. His last words to me was "I hate you and I don't want to ever see you again!" and "You psycho B----(definition is female dog)!!" I guess your wondering why he said that. Here's my story.

    I was waiting all night for him to visit me and he finally came. We were watching "Flavor of Love: charm school" and was having a relaxing night. His phone rang and it was his ex-girlfriend. I deleted his ex-girlfriends number out of his contact list because I really don't want him or her talking. I gave him his cell and her name wasn't on it, so he said "Dunno the number..." I told him it was her, but he said "No, that's impossible I have her in my contact list..." I confessed that I deleted it because I was angry at the fact she is still in our life. He got angry. He felt betrayed and violated.

    I said please its such small problem and lets move on because the number can be retrieved. He said I have to go and I said don't i have been waiting for you all night. I blocked his way, kneeling for forgiveness, crying, and begging to not go, and stay because the problem is solvable. His anger was accumulating and in his frustration he threw the pillow at me, started hitting my bed, and ruining the neatly folded comforter. He dragged me and shouted "Let me leave!!!! I want my space to be away from you!!" I asked "why are you angry over a number?" (in tears and crying). In his frustration he grabbed my arm and threw me accross the room. I rolled and hit my face in the wall and I started bleeding. He has never done this before. He came charging again and I saw his hand made a fist and I said in my head his going to hit me, but no...he left as quickly as he could. I said "I want my old boyfriend back, andrew!" (his name is not andrew, but lets pretend it is for now.) I said "I want the old you back who doesn't hurt me or makes me cry...."

    I never saw him again. I miss him soo...much. My mother comforted me in her own asian way by being honestly blunt which didn't help at all. I was sad and i don't know what to do. My question is What should I do now? Should I wait for him? Was I wrong in this situation? Was he right to hurt me physically for not giving him space? He wasn't like this...and somehow became very cold and bitter after a year. Help me pelase...I'm crying right now. This staretd when he started just pushing me, now I am very appauled that he made me bleed. Advice please.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    Honey, him leaving is the best thing that could have happened to you.

    There is NEVER ANY EXCUSE for physical abuse. It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. Normal and responsible people talk about problems or things that bother then, they don't hit their significant other.

    Heal from this, but do NOT take this guy back no matter what he says or does.

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    he didn't hit me...well tried to hit me. He just threw me accross the room accidentally...................................... ..........................................(long pause).....well nevermind. I'm just miserable right now.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    It is the same principle. Don't justify it as an accident. First he dragged you accross the room. Then he threw you accross the room. That isn't an accident. He did it from anger and rage and he lost control of himself.

    And he'd do it again.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    I know you are miserable. But don't go back to this guy seeking comfort. He might end up killing you.

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    Platinum Member Miss Firecracker's Avatar
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    I promise you he will do it again. It's a guarantee.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Dako's Avatar
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    Now's the time to get away from him, before he has a major tantrum.
    Accepting this behavior is a major mistake.

    I hope you understand that men don't hurt women they love.

  9. #8
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    Okay i NEVER advocate violence, but if you were dragging onto his leg and crying and begging he not go, his pushing you out of the way may have been his only recourse.

    you had no right to delete a number out of his phone. that is not what people in healthy relationships do. They instead talk to their partner and mention why having the number bothers them, but in the end he has the right to have whatever phone number he chooses. I can kind of understand his anger. You said "I deleted his ex-girlfriends number out of his contact list because I really don't want him or her talking." Do you not see how controlling that sounds? Is he supposed to do your bidding from now on if you don't like something he is doing? You can just decide to violate his privacy and make your own choices?

    I think you are on your way to a co dependent relationship here, and honestly you probably should let him go on his way and begin to repair your self esteem. I have my ex husbands number in my cell as there are occasions we need to talk. I would be furious if my husband non chalantly said "oh yea, i deleted that number, i didn't want you talking to him".

    Now if he instead talked to me about it and could rationally explain why it bothered him, i would hear him out and make the best decision for us. I still may not delete the number if his reasons were not rational, but i would hear him out and try to dispell his fears.

    You were upset that he left saying the problem was solveable. Apparently you did not realize the extent of your violation of his privacy. I don't know how this scene played out exactly, but it sounds like he was very angry and wanted to leave and you were somehow blocking him by grabbing onto his leg, body or something. He may have had no choice but to shove you out of the way. You don't cling and hang onto an angry person. Someone who is very non violent might shove a woman out of the way if he was trying to leave to cool off and she woudln't let him.

    YOu say he has become cold and bitter. The behavior with erasing the number, do you show jealousy like this often? Have you been controlling him in other ways? If so, you could be helping to push him away. Whatever the reason, you cannot MAKE him behave the way you want you can only break up and repair yourself.

  10. #9
    JadedStar's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by avman
    It is the same principle. Don't justify it as an accident. First he dragged you accross the room. Then he threw you accross the room. That isn't an accident. He did it from anger and rage and he lost control of himself.

    And he'd do it again.

    Mabye i am reading this wrong, but it appeared he drug her because she was hanging onto his leg pleading and crying for him to stay. I didn't get that he drug her intentionally, more that she wouldn't let him go and was hanging on. My apologies if i read this wrong.

    If you are hanging onto a person while they are trying to get away, you can expect to be drug if you don't let go and pushed off so they can leave.

    Explain one more time how he threw you accross the room "accidentally". Were you grabbbing onto him and impeding his leaving? Or were you not touching him and he grabbed you and flung you? Maybe i read it wrong first go thru.
    Last edited by JadedStar; 05-20-2007 at 04:42 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member avman's Avatar
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    He had plenty of recourses. He could have simply left. Stepped over her. Called the police if she was hysterical. And so on. There was no reason to resort to violence. I don't follow your logic at all JadedStar.

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