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Guys...how long do you wait to ask a girl out?


Daligal83

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If you are interested in a girl, how many times do you talk with her before asking her out usually?

 

I've been talking to this guy at the gym. I'd like for him to ask me out and I think I've made it obvious that I'm interested and he seems to be as well. We've both gone out of our way to talk to each other. But he hasn't even hinted at asking me out. The closest he's come is telling me to visit him at work if I end up going there (which I occasionally have to for my job).

 

Is he just not that interested and just is flirty or do guys usually wait awhile before making a move?

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Some guys are brick heads and think, "shes just being nice." Give him your number and tell him to call you for, (insert specific meeting). Unless you are into tradition and guys asking you. It really depends on the chemistry. It usually doesnt take long before i'd decide to ask for a phone number at least, or coffee. Maybe a week or two depending on my schedule.

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All men are different. Personally, I don't wait too long, on the assumption that something could 'happen' and I'll lose my chance. I give myself the wuss check: "Are you really such a big wuss that you're not going to talk to this girl?"

 

Despite the stereotype, most men are indeed such a big wuss. I think it's safe to assume one of three things: 1) he's a big wuss 2) he's just having some fun because he's already got a girlfriend/is otherwise engaged/doesn't want to get involved with anyone 3) isn't interested.

 

Only one of these three possibilities can be countered and to do that, you're going to have to make the first move. So, take a chance on the 33% and go for it. What do you have to lose? it's a zero dollar bet with the possible pay off being sex and, what the hell, eternal happiness.

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Even if he is a wuss...I've made it obvious that I'm interested. And he's the one that approached me first. Last week when we were at the gym, as soon as his basketball game finished, he came right over and sat with me during the whole break to talk. If he was a wuss...wouldn't he be even to shy to do that?

 

And today I went into the weight room purposefully to talk to him. I was done working out. That is so obvious to me and bordering on looking stupid, but I did it anyway.

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If it was me I wouldn't necessarily take just going out of the way to talk to each other to be a sign of attraction. He might just be clueless like me. And, being brave another to talk to you is a WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL from being brave enough to ask you out, believe me.

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Even if he is a wuss...I've made it obvious that I'm interested. And he's the one that approached me first. Last week when we were at the gym, as soon as his basketball game finished, he came right over and sat with me during the whole break to talk. If he was a wuss...wouldn't he be even to shy to do that?

 

And today I went into the weight room purposefully to talk to him. I was done working out. That is so obvious to me and bordering on looking stupid, but I did it anyway.

 

I'm a big wuss.. It takes me FOREVER to work up the courage to ask a chick out.

 

I'm also pretty thick too. I usually find out after the fact when someone likes me.. "you know she liked you eh?"

 

So there are thickies out there. Good thing about thickies you can ask them out and they won't even think it's a date until things start getting serious.. They will just think it's hanging out. Less pressure on you.

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Not 100%. He hasn't mentioned one though. And he's been talking about applying to med school and went out of town for an interview over the weekend. I'd think in talking about plans like that, a girlfriend would come up because of the distance thing. But that's not definite.

 

Also...this makes me look kind of stalkerish...but when he first started coming to the gym, he always came with this girl. I figured they were together. I haven't seen her for a long time now though. And I was talking to my friend who works at the front desk about him, and he had the exact same thought. She hasn't even been there without him.

 

Plus his actions just don't seem like it. Unless I'm way off. But that day when he was playing basketball, I mean he didn't even hesitate as soon as the game was over to come right over to me and stayed until another game started up. Unless he's a jerk, I don't think he would give me that kind of attention if he had a girlfriend.

 

If he doesn't go this weekend, I'm not going to see him for a week now because the gym is closed for the next two days and it's closed Monday and Tuesday. I'm not very patient haha.

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'we should get a drink sometime.'

 

oh, and i don't wait long to ask a girl out if i'm into her. i usually get her number and tell her when i'll call.

 

I'm the same way, but it is worth noting that a vast majority of men do not work in this manner.

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The times I've gotten dates I honestly forgot about the girl after getting the number and didn't ask her out until like a month later. The times I didn't forget because I liked the girl, I called anywhere from the next day to 4 days later and somewhere along the line she blew me off. Seems like your chances go up the longer you put it off.

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I was talking to a guy friend of mine about it today. He said he sits behind this girl in his class that he thinks is nice and attractive, but hasn't done anything about it. They talk, but he hasn't asked her out. So I guess some guys are just shy.

 

It's just hard to figure out when he's shy and when he's not interested.

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OK...please don't think less of me.

 

I did some google stalking.

 

Which led to facebook stalking.

 

I think he has a gf. Basically, I found the girl's page who he was always coming in with. He's in her profile picture and it looks kinda intimate. But he's in no other pictures with her and her profile doesn't say if she's in a relationship or not.

 

But honestly, I'm talking to a friend who works at our gym and I told him our interactions (the friend said he saw us talking) and he said it seems like he's interested. He also tried talking to this other girl at the gym who used to work there.

 

So either she's weird for still having him in her picture...or he's a jerk. How do I find out if he's single or not?

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I've been in your situation many times. In the early stages of getting to know someone before you've been asked out, it's sometimes difficult to know if the person is shy, unavailable or just not interested. It's hard to tell in your case - maybe he just broke up with this woman and is attracted to you but not ready to date yet. In any case, here are some tactics I've tried, some with more success than others:

 

-like Batya suggested, I ask "what are you doing this weekend?" and then I say something like "what are you and your girlfriend doing?"...by assuming he's attached, it gives him an easy way to admit he has a girlfriend (unless he lies) or he's single

-I've been very direct, asking "so, do you have a girlfriend?"...I don't like this as much because it seems to sound a little too confrontational and overeager, but at least I get a direct answer (unless he lies).

-I turn up my flirting so that it's more obvious I'm interested...if he still doesn't respond, I move on

-I try to get on the subject that I'm single to see how he responds

 

Basically, if you keep talking to this guy and he doesn't bring up a girlfriend and yet still doesn't ask you out, then you have to assume he's not interested or not available. The hard question is how long do you wait to find out if he'll ask you out or not. I think you have to decide how comfortable you are waiting.

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OK...I am just SO confused. That friend of mine who works at the gym...today he asked this guy if he's still with that girl or not. I told him not to, but he didn't anyway. And he's still with her! So I'm like, OK, maybe I just read too much into it and he's friendly. That's fine, at least I know.

 

So I kind of leave him alone today, but we did wave when we saw each other. I was over on the mats and he came out of the weight room and came right over and talked to me! He put his stuff down next to me, said I was motivating him to do abs and did them by me. He asked what I was doing this weekend and when I asked him he said nothing. No mention of a girlfriend. He just said he had a busy week and wanted to just take it easy this weekend. I mentioned that I'm having people over for dinner on Sunday and I'm cooking for them and I said I didn't know how it was going to go because I can't cook. He said that if I'm cooking him dinner, that pretty much says how it will go. I was like, no it's my friend, his girlfriend and her brother. It sounds like he was fishing to find out...but I could have read too much into it. He kept saying how dedicated I am to working out and that's cool. I asked if he was coming over the weekend and he said maybe and asked when I was coming. I told him and he said he might see me.

 

What the heck is going on?? Am I reading too much into this?

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oh gosh, i dunno - am sort of in the same boat as you right now! it's really hard to tell what's going on. my personal strategy has been to be polite and friendly and open, and then let the guy ask me out if he wants to. but as you see, i'm still single, so maybe i'm not the best example, lol.

 

the 'what are you doing this weekend?' was good, but you didn't really get a concrete answer, so you don't know.

 

i don't know - he could be not interested, he could have a gf, he could be shy. it's so hard to tell!!!

 

i'm like you, i don't want to make a fool out of myself being too friendly with a guy if i don't know what he wants.......ararrhghh.

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Well I told him when I'm going to be there over the weekend, so if he shows up at those times, that will be interesting. I think if that happens and we're talking and not surrounded by people, I'm going to ask something about how he's doing with meeting people since he's not from the area. Then I can throw in the girl he used to come to the gym with.

 

Honestly if he's just looking for a friend that's fine, I just want to know for sure what he's doing here lol. Because his actions say he's interested (right?), but apparently he's got this girlfriend.

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yeah, but if he hasn't asked you out, is he really that interested?!?!? then again, i don't know.

 

there are several guys i see around, and we make small talk, smile, wave, etc.... when i see them around, but i don't know if they are not interested or interested or what...

 

and then there are guys who approach me, ask me out, etc... but lately, they've all been liars and snakes ( ).

 

so, i dunno, i'm not having a lot of luck with the guys these days who are very forward and just ask me out like that..... and i dunno what to think about the other ones who act flirty, but then don't suggest getting drinks after hours.....

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