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Thread: Being with someone who is always negative!!!

  1. #11
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    You can try to tell him what his problem is, but he's not likely to hear you. This is part of his personality. Move on! You deserve to be with someone who loves life as much as you do!

  2. #12
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    if he keeps this up, he's going to be one of those bitter old single men you see in the grocery store, only buying cans of beans and TV dinners and nudie mags, and they smell kind of weird. not very attractive.

    if you don't want this kind of negativity for the rest of your life, and your bf doesn't grow a cheerier disposition, break up with him. some people have it really bad, you know, like people who were in concentration camps, and they could still find things here and there to be excited about. who wants that much negativity and crap!?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    If he hasn't always been like that, then I'd have a big heart to heart about it.

    It could be that he is building some walls, and needs someone to talk to about it. As his gf, if he can't open up to you, then there are some real problems. Open up after all is put on the table and you tell him directly how you feel.

    Have one of those "this is how I feel" "this is how things are for me" talks.

    Basically outreach a hand and take the initiate to show some vulnerability around him again. If he is negative all the time, you've most likely learned to walk on eggshells and censor and put up walls around him.

    I'd give it some time after laying it all out for him. To see if it wakes him up or not.

    An intimate relationship without the intimacy is just not worth crippling around for.

    But I'd give him a chance...if you see potential here, love him, and want a future with him.

    Good luck in your decision and figuring out what is the best course for you in this case. After all, you are the only one here who really knows him and how deep this runs...and how badly it has affected the relationship overall.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    I would sit him down and tell him his negative attitude is seriously affecting me and the relationship.
    I can't stand people who complain the whole time. It's just really hard to deal with. I like upbeat people, since sometimes I myself can be a bit down. I love it when I have someone positive to make me positive, and vice versa.

    If he continues this way and refuses to change his character I doubt there is much you could do.

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  6. #15
    Silver Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by allie2064
    Wow, that's a tough one because he's your boyfriend. Reminds me of my exhusband...he was the same way. No matter what he said, it was negative. If I tried to put a positive spin on it, he'd just get angry.

    Sorry I have no answer for you. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

    ~Allie
    My wife too...just one of the reasons we separated. This behavior is really tough to deal with, and emotionally draining. It sucked the life out of our marriage. I did all the right things...told her how I felt, set good examples, etc.

    Her insecurities were the root cause, but the behavior itself became unacceptable. It hurt other people, myself so much.

  7. #16
    Hey, I just had to register so that I could respond and let you know that I've been in the same situation as you for the past few years. I'm a positive person who always makes the most of life but my BF always makes out that he's so hard done by and everyone else is rubbish and the world is out to get him etc etc. It's so soul-sapping and ultimately boring. I've put up with it in order to be the supportive girlfriend, listening to his rants, but there comes a time when enough is enough. I finished the relationship last night. I feel really crap about it because he's not a bad guy but hopefully it will get better in time. Like others have said, you deserve to be with people who appreciate life as much as you! Good luck mizzterious x

  8. #17
    Silver Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bakedbean
    Hey, I just had to register so that I could respond and let you know that I've been in the same situation as you for the past few years. I'm a positive person who always makes the most of life but my BF always makes out that he's so hard done by and everyone else is rubbish and the world is out to get him etc etc. It's so soul-sapping and ultimately boring. I've put up with it in order to be the supportive girlfriend, listening to his rants, but there comes a time when enough is enough. I finished the relationship last night. I feel really crap about it because he's not a bad guy but hopefully it will get better in time. Like others have said, you deserve to be with people who appreciate life as much as you! Good luck mizzterious x
    Yes...the fact that a lot of people who do this are deep down good people makes this especially hard to deal with. One of those "I love you/care about you, but you are not good for me..." kinda things.

    An of course, if they are really insecure, breaking up with them just feeds into it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member CallingAllAngels's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Odysseus
    My wife too...just one of the reasons we separated. This behavior is really tough to deal with, and emotionally draining. It sucked the life out of our marriage. I did all the right things...told her how I felt, set good examples, etc.

    Her insecurities were the root cause, but the behavior itself became unacceptable. It hurt other people, myself so much.
    Sorry that you went through this too. I really know how draining it is. You have to walk in someone's shoes to really understand.

    ~Allie

  10. #19
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    YOu definitely should talk to him about it, but brace yourself - people with this personality often have a real hard time turning it around and when they do it is a lengthy process. They simply don't even recognize that they are doing it many times...it has become such a part of their day to day life.

    If you really want to help him you can establish a keyword that you both choose that you can say when he starts down this "Negative Norman" path to help gently remind him that his conversation is turning doom and gloom. Give yourself a timeframe internally that you want to see improvement - you don't have to share that timeline with him, just set a date for yourself a month, or two months, etc ahead that you can live with and re-evaluate his success, or lack of, at that time. If it just doesn't improve think about walking becuase this can absolutely be miserable to the person who is more upbeat.

    I have found that this type of person does better in a relationship with a person with similar views. I know a few couples where both are such debbie downers and you can tell they almost enjoy commiserating together. They can't seem to talk about anything but doom and gloom but they are ok with it. It is when you mix a positive and upbeat person with a negative nelly that probelms usually crop up.

    Good luck!

  11. #20
    Silver Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by allie2064
    Sorry that you went through this too. I really know how draining it is. You have to walk in someone's shoes to really understand.

    ~Allie
    It is. I may go down as the "typical guy who leave who left his wife", but really, no one but me will ever really understand how her behavior torpedoed our marriage. Jesus...she use to rifle through people's bills, etc. when she house-sat just to complain about how much money they made...what their bills were. I'd read her the riot act about how completely wrong it was...but to her, she was just "snooping". The jones-sing, snips about so-and-so's "attitude", on and on and on. How ever clerk in the world treats her like crap.

    Even now, most communications are negative and suspicious. I wish I could chalk it up to the separation, but this behavior goes all the way back.

    <sigh> Maybe...someday...I'll have a relationship with someone normal.

    Sorry to the original poster...didn't want to take this thread in my direction....I do also think you should have it out about your feelings on this. If there is the capacity for change, maybe it will work. Good luck.

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