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Thread: Other guys are pissing me off...

  1. #61

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    Yeah, I know I have to work on that.

    It's just hard for me sometimes, even though I am perfectly content and know nothing bad will happen, I am constantly bothered by the "what ifs" and I know that I shouldn't be worried, but I can't help it! In past relationships, I didn't worry when I should of, and I guess that bit me in the ass so now I'm the opposite.

    I just have a bad past. Like my friend, she's the same way. She says the only way she can justify it as that when she says she has guys that are JUST friends, she is sure of her feelings and knows that they are. And when her boyfriend says the same for girls, even though she knows that they are and he says they are she can't really KNOW what he is thinking, so thats what it is. Its prob the same reason with her boyfriend.

    But I mean, my boyfriend never really talks to these girls. Like once a month at most, and he never hangs out with them. Prob never will. They live 5 hrs away just like me, and when he comes home its just to see me and family, not me.

    Where as I text my guy friend atleast a few times a week, and have the option of hanging out with him and girl friends whenever I want. But I don't.

    So I guess he has more of a reason to be worried about me. But he doesnt. Because he fully trusts me. And I do trust him, I just have bad trust issues.

    Expec when I'm going through an extra emotional state due to stress/hormones.

  2. #62
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    Yes, you just have to learn that your going through an "extreme emotional state" doesn't mean your actions in reaction to those emotions need to subject your bf to stress. You can decide, for example, that it's a better idea not to talk to him for a day or so, or for however long it takes you to feel back in balance/grounded -- you'll be doing him a favor.

    You are right when you wrote that "it's a matter of trust"- (also a great billy joel song, but anyway...) - that is how he doesn't focus on how often you speak to your guy friends (and why would he know that level of detail, anyway - why is it relevant to your relationship?).

    With trust, you can stop, for the most part, the overanalysis and the minutae of "rules" you've established for how to interact with members of the opposite sex.

    Good luck - it's great that you are aware of your issues.

  3. #63

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    Well not talking to him isn't going to help anything.

    It would greatly worry him if I told him that. I always told him if I was going through a hard time, I wouldn't want to push myself a way from him. I'd want him close to me.

    I just have to work on things with myself.

    I feel better now that the stress of my test is over. I got 30 min of sleep last night.

    And I'm on my period. They are AWFUL.

    I get highly emotional during this time. I'm very irregular, and I usualy have to go through a super tampon every hr, I have horrible cramps, it hurts when I sit down, I have hot flashes, faint spells due to blood loss, and moodiness.

    I'm even on the pill. It shouldnt be this bad.

  4. #64
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    No, my point was to stop subjecting him, to the great extent you say you do, to your insecurities and emotions by freaking out or having these regular outbursts when it's not his fault and it's your issue - at some point you are using him as a sounding/venting board which starts to be a bit selfish and can make a relationship too one-sided.
    Tell him that you are doing this for him - that you when you know you are going to react to your stress and emotions by venting to him yet again, you will talk to him about other things or you will wait until you calm down and feel more centered - perhaps talking to a therapist or a good friend will speed up the calming process.

    I think it's VERY giving and loving to recognize when you're constantly venting to someone you're close to even if that person wants to be there for you - everyone has his or her limits and it's a good idea to have a large amount of goodwill with someone close to you so that when it's a true crisis that person will have the strength to be there for you and to be supportive without the natural "oh, here she goes again" in the back or front of his mind. This is one reason people have other close friends - and sometimes therapists - so that they do not rely on one person as their sounding board every time they feel emotional.

    I think it's a mistake to think that the more you vent to someone and have them as your sounding board, the "closer" you get to the person - when you're acting like that, it's all about you - you are feeling emotional, you are feeling irrational, and you need him to listen to you and reassure you. At some point it detracts from closeness because when you're in that state constantly, you can't be there for him - you're too emotional/irrational - or he will not want to share with you when you're in that state.

    Just my humble opinion.

    I hope you feel better very soon.

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  6. #65

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    Yeah, well I will feel alot better when I'm off my period.

    I'm trying to do better.

    I havent been writing in awhile, and that's one thing that always kept my mental state very healthy.

    Im a writer, so when I put words on paper and write about other people's conflicts I can focus on my characters problems.

    Also reading. When I was always writing and reading, I was more secure and more emotionally happy. It kept me entertained and occupied.

    I just need to get back into that. Its just hard to make time, and I have a bit of a writer's block and reading ADHD. I got a new book which is very good, but I can't seem to be able to read more then a ch. without getting distracted.

  7. #66
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    I wouldn't give up meeting friends (girls and guys) just because I have a bf. I wouldn't want him to not have girl friends either. He just got into college and his ability to make friends and adapt to college life is very important to me. I don't want to miss out and I don't want to miss out either.

  8. #67

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    Neither of us are missing out.

    I've met quite a few new great girlfriends.

    And I hang out with them alot, well when I'm not working and studying that is.

    He joined a fraternity, he has a WHOLE fraternity full of friends to be with. He actually just went on a camping trip last night and had a blast. No girls allowed lol.

    It's not like were not going to be talking to other girls or guys, we just arn't going to be hanging out with them one on one or giving out our numbers.

    I talked to him about it, going out with another girl or guy one on one to a movie or lunch, IS a date in both of our opinions and we don't think thats right.

    As a group thing, going out to dinner or a mixer with girls and guys, thats fine. Were not going to stay away from the opposite sex or not talk to them, we just arn't going to give out our numbers to them or hang out with them one on one. If we even detect that they are flirting with us or trying something, we leave the conversation. Simple.

  9. #68
    You seem to be so stuck on giving your number out to guys as being wrong.. I'm still not understanding that. But ok, to each their own I guess. I think it has alot to do with your own insecurities though. The question is though when you mention flirting, everyone has a different definition of what flirting is.

  10. #69
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    Originally Posted by Mythical_Suicide
    You seem to be so stuck on giving your number out to guys as being wrong.. I'm still not understanding that. But ok, to each their own I guess. I think it has alot to do with your own insecurities though. The question is though when you mention flirting, everyone has a different definition of what flirting is.
    Same here - I have guy friends who I harmlessly flirt with and would have no issue with my bf being there to see/hear it and neither would he.

  11. #70
    Platinum Member Cognitive_Canine's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Same here - I have guy friends who I harmlessly flirt with and would have no issue with my bf being there to see/hear it and neither would he.
    Some of my best friends are guys. I would be giving up a lot if I was only friends with girls.

    Flirting is innocent in my mind. As long as at the end of the day, he comes home to me (figuratively since I'm in an LDR) I don't care who he flirts with or how often. I think it's cute when he's gets excited about getting hit on at work. He has only ever been hit on a few times and I think it's cute how he reacts to it.

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