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Thread: Other guys are pissing me off...

  1. #51
    Why are you getting frustrated just trying to understand why people think it's so wrong to have male/female friends in a relationship if there is full trust. Maybe i'm missing something but I was just asking Geez chill out! Noone said you were weird.

  2. #52

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    I'm just saying that, to each to their own.

    I guess all relationships are different.

    If we hung out with the opposite sex, we wouldn't be worried about cheating, it's just something we perfer not to do. Or in a group.

    Something like that.

  3. #53
    Gold Member havefaith's Avatar
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    Rose, I think one source of confusion for the other posters is the fact that your message has changed in a big way ... you went from saying you don't hang out with guys, at all, ever, because they ALLL hit on you, to you just don't want to go to dinners and movies alone ... those are two completely different things.

  4. #54

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    What I'm thinking about is why are you so distressed about guys hitting on you while you are taken.

    It is a part of reality which you can control to an extent, but you cannot control it fully. You might be able to limit the number of guy acquaintances who ask you out but you probably won't be able to stop passerbys on the street from commenting on you. Since this is true, why spend your energy getting angry? Just nod and move on. It's unnecessary to get angry from these 'facts of life'.

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  6. #55
    Originally Posted by havefaith
    Rose, I think one source of confusion for the other posters is the fact that your message has changed in a big way ... you went from saying you don't hang out with guys, at all, ever, because they ALLL hit on you, to you just don't want to go to dinners and movies alone ... those are two completely different things.
    Exactly.. and the fact that you seem to be stuck on thinking that any guy that looks at you or gives you a compliment or whatever the case may be just wants to get you into bed. Not always the case hon, there's a thin line between being confident and arrogant. Don't cross the line. Not trying to be rude at all just honest.

  7. #56
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    Ugh. I wish there was a way out of it.

    I know how to shoot a gun (good shot actually) I can take care of myself in the self defense area, and I can be stone cold at times, which sometimes works to scare guys off, but others just like it and wont let up. Think I'm playing "hard to get" even though I have a boyfriend.
    I don't think you need to make your self defense abilities known to guys. It's useless. I mean I doubt you'd shoot a guy for hitting on u right? Or take him down... So why would they be afraid if you tell them this stuff or take it as a hint?
    I think sometimes these guys just keep hitting on you b/c you talk alot about the bf. Maybe they want you even more b/c of this and want to see if they can sway you. Just a speculation of course.

    I want to major in Criminology, when guys know that some guys stay clear. But at other times it doesn't work=(

    The ONLY guys that I am actually "okay" with talking to are my friend's SERIOUS boyfriend's, or my mom's guy friends who have wifes. Thats it.
    Have you thought of changing your nr so those other dudes don't bother you in the middle of the night? I recently changed mine which I had for about 5 years and it's pure bliss not to be bothered by anyone "unimportant."

    I think you should just not talk much about the bf with guys. Just be friendly, and if you say no, it means no. Usually if you show a guy you're not up to flirting or playing any games they get the hint. Sure they will keep trying, but the more you try and "threaten them" or frighten them off, the more they are drawn to you. It becomes like an irritating game where they just try and bug you like in kindergarten when boys pull girls hair lol.

  8. #57
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    Originally Posted by Rose21

    Is this the price I must pay for being attractive?


    What can I do to get the, to leave me alone? Seriously guys are animals.
    I'm a male, and yes I do agree, most guys are animals.

    Unfortunately yes, this is the price to pay for being attractive. Constant barrage of men willing to be your friend and giving you attention where if an ugly girl was in the same area they wouldn't give her the time of day.

    I work with some cute girls who are above average looking. Yes they do get hit on constantly by co-workers, members, and other guys at their school.

    Guys won't stop coming to them. The only time it stops is the day you let yourself go and become physically unattractive. But by that time you might actually miss the attention.

    Try not to let it bother you and be flattered by all the attention you receive.

  9. #58
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    Originally Posted by Rose21
    Okay, this is really frustrating me.

    Just because I don't want to hang out with 1 guy ALONE (one on one) does not mean that I am weird or whatever. It just means that my relationship is different, everyone is. You can't expect every relationship to have friends of the opposite sex that they hang out with one on one all the time.

    It's not something that I do. I dont WANT to. And neither does my boyfriend.

    I don't mind hanging out with guys in a group. I would feel more comfortable hanging out with 2 or 3 guys vs. just one on one.

    Thats all I'm getting at.

    And it's not like I'm isolating myself from being social or going to a party. I still do those things.
    Because you labeled your preference as being done out of respect and that you took pride in not "needing" other male friends other than your boyfriend. I was confused as to what it had to do with respect or why you took "pride" in your preference - you of course are entitled to your preferences.

    I also agree that it's far different to say "i don't want to go out with other guys one on one" (which I happen to think is fine, but no judgment here!) and "I don't want to have any guy friends out of respect for my bf".

    I think Fragmint said it best:

    "sounds like you just dont wanna put yourself 'in that situation' cause youre not RESPECTFUL enough of your relationship to stand your ground if that happens. so instead of living your life and socializing making friends, youre just going to cut these things out of your life and possibly miss out on a lot of experiences that way you dont have to TEST how 'respectful' you really are to the relationship.

    being respectful of your relationship doesnt mean getting rid of all possible events that MIGHTTTTTT lead to developing feelings for others (as friends or otherwise). it means being an individual but handling the SITUATIONS correctly when they arise that might disrupt your relationship. avoiding the situations altogether is impossible anyways and unrealistic."

  10. #59

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    Yes I know this, but I'm just weary of it.

    My boyfriend actually got into a "mini" fight about this stuff last night. I say mini because it was a small argument at best and me being unreasonable.

    He has a few girls he texts. One girl who is sister of his best friend of 17 years, he talks to her once in a blue moon and she is around 4 years younger then us and like a little sister to him.

    The other is one that I am aquaintances with. He has known her almost as long, and she didn't evene have his number until she came to his graduation party and she asked if she could have it and I said yes.

    And the only other one is engaged, and about to be married.

    All of these girls he rarely talks to, like once in a blue moon and it's not like he hangs out with any of them because they all live back home where I am, and when he comes back home its just to see me and his parents.

    I don't know why I worry, I have no need to. I just get jelouse from time to time.

    Even before me he rarely ever hung out with these people. He hadn't seen the younger one of his best friend until his graduation party, and had last hung out with them like a year or so ago. Even more years ago for the last time, and the middle one nearly ever. He's known her for awhile, but they arn't very close.

    Whereas I have a guy friend, whom I don't hang out with, but talk to ALOT. He's like my brother, we've grown a little apart but we are still alot closer then his few friends.

    On the basis he's saying he talks to these people it's like Once a month, MAYBE. Where as me and my friend, atleast a few times a week. And I talk to several guy aquaintances on myspace etc, when he only uses myspace to talk to me and comment my pictures.

    But neither of us will get numbers of the opposite sex. And we both agreed that the only time we would hang out with them would be at like a group thing, and most of the girls he's hung out with are just girls and gfs brought by his friends. It's the same for me.

    I know nothing would happen, I know what the answers are, yet I still feel the need to ask him things I already know. Why?

    It feels like I don't trust him to him even though I DO. I do this with everything. With teachers, coworkers, friends. I want to make sure I'm doing a good job, and that I'm not going to be abandoned.

    I feel like every good thing has to come to an end and I worry about that. Not just with my boyfriend, but like my job and my new friends that I've made. Like they'll forget about me etc.

    He says, every good thing does come to an end, but for us it would only be death. "til death do us part" And I believe that, so why can't I show it?

    I have trust issues, its hard for me to trust ANYONE. Even if they are the most loyal and most reliable people (such as my boyfriend, family, or close friends) I still feel like something may happen.

    This train of thought, isn't something I like to entertain, but it happens from time to time and I hate it.

    I have ADHD, so alot of thoughts that are bothering me (alot of people can block them out) I can't, and when it's bothering me I cant STOP thinking about it and its always like the worst case scenerio etc.

    I'm also extra emotional lately, explained this to my boyfriend and he totaly understands, because I'm on new hormones, I'm on my 1st real period in months, I'm very stressed out with school and when my crazy math teacher threatnes to drop all of my classes just because I was sick one day and came 3 minutes late the other, It's college!!

    I'm just under alot, and I don't have a high stress level.

    What can I do?

  11. #60
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    You can continue to work on your issues and continue your awareness that they are your issues, not his and thereforee you should work hard not to subject him to them. My friend's marriage almost ended over this issue - she had zero reason for mistrust - less than zero - and yet she would provoke discussions about whether he found cover models, etc attractive, just to create problems where none existed. He was incredibly patient with her, but everyone has his limits.

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