"Can I bring my bf?" ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

I hate that question....what can you actually possibly say to it?!

My best mate brings her boyfriend along wherever we go now. I don't really mind interacting with her boyfriend. I think its nice when a guy/girl gets included in the other persons like more.

But it can really become over the top...now she invites him out without asking...even to birthdays and stuff. There are times when we want to spend time with just her...The worst thing is though she doesn't care about offending people. She said tonight "she's probobly angry at me for inviting M, I'm sorry M". This girl, it was suppossed to be HER night. She specifically told us all who she was inviting and didn't mention her bfs name to my best mate. But she brought him along anyway...

I don't think its a case of "she thinks hes just part of the group now and noone minds". Its a case of she doesnt care, she just wants him there. But their all over each other all night, having their own little secret mini conversations, laughing, sometimes making sex remarks to each other. It makes me feel both uncomfortable and like c**p! And hes so under the thumb too its unbelievable...she changes when shes around him. I just feel like walking out.

I was already down tonight, thought it was going to be just us girls and then all of a sudden I turn up and hes there. I don't hate him but hes not the sort of person i would choose to hang around with him. Our personalitys dont really go. Now its like their a package. If i want to talk to my best mate I have to meet up with him too....ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I invited my other mate to go out today too with the whole college group at weekend when she gets back from uni and she said 'sure it would be cool, but hey do you mind if my boyfriend came?' Soon as I got that text my best mate and her bf started snogging full on.

I mean all this really annoys me, I don't really mind the other girl bringing her bf because I feel like they are separate people and they get involved and chat to others and stuff. But I mean can we not go out without a significant other? We are 18!!!

I know it probobly sounds like I'm jelous. I'm not. I'm just sick of having to go out with couples all the time. Anyone else ever have this?

I know what you mean. I think you need to address it with her. Either specifically tell her it's a girls night only, or just go up to her and explain how you feel. Tell her that you enjoy hanging out with her boyfriend and think it's great that she wants to include him, but sometimes it's nice to hang out just the girls. If she doesn't respect that, then she's probably not the greatest friend.

i think that you just have to say when you invite her, 'wanna come with me for a girls' night out at dinner/the movies?' make sure that she knows it's girls' night. apart from that, i think it's fine for her to bring him to birthday parties, events, etc.... but if you want to see her one on one, tell her that.

Yeah, I've thought about doing that before and I want to. Its just she always gets so defensive. My mate tryed to say it to her in a nice way once. She said she understood it was fine, we went out just girls. Then she started inviting him to everything again.

I don't wanna be the one to say anything to her and be classed as the b***h. Its getting me down though...

My best friend odes that with her husband. I LOVE her husband--I'm very good friends with him too--but when I go home to visit everyone, sometimes I want to go out wiht her and just catch up and girl talk, ya know? Thing is, when she and her husband are together, they "flirt" the whole time by pinching each other and tickling each other at the table if we're out to eat. Annoying. I love them together and tehy're very happy but sometimes I want just her so I don't have to watch them tickle each other while I'm trying to eat.

The best thing to do is explain to her that you love her boyfriend as well, but sometimes you wanna get together to do girl things. Try going with her to get pedicures or new hairstyles or something. Something where he wouldn't want to be there. Tell her then--"I'm glad we get to do this together. I love M, but I'm really glad to get to spend alone time with you too."

Wow your friend is being very inconsiderate. I see a lack of invites coming her way. Has anyone really confronted her about this?

Yeah, I've thought about doing that before and I want to. Its just she always gets so defensive. My mate tryed to say it to her in a nice way once. She said she understood it was fine, we went out just girls. Then she started inviting him to everything again.

 

I don't wanna be the one to say anything to her and be classed as the b***h. Its getting me down though...

is it possible that part of you is jealous that she has a bf and you don't?

i think you have to say it in a nice way, like your friend suggests - just say you are looking forward to a 'girls' day' or whatnot. i think she gets defensive if you are acting like you don't like her bf.

Wow your friend is being very inconsiderate. I see a lack of invites coming her way. Has anyone really confronted her about this?

My mates tryed to put it in a way before like "girls night out" and stuff when shes asked about her bf. She said shes understood and stuff and we go out. But she starts inviting him to everything again after that.

Everyone I've talked to thinks the same and that its annoying. And I've had talks with other my mate before like she really should know that we want to spend time with her alone and she agrees.

I like the idea above about emphasizing "I'm glad we get to be alone even thought I like M' etc.

Eurgh...I have got to the point sometimes though where I just want to scream at her. The fact I can't really talk to him much either and that I dont consider him a "proper" friend just makes it kinda worse. I'm looking at him thinking 'ahh just go away!' as mean as it sounds...

is it possible that part of you is jealous that she has a bf and you don't?

 

i think you have to say it in a nice way, like your friend suggests - just say you are looking forward to a 'girls' day' or whatnot. i think she gets defensive if you are acting like you don't like her bf.

I dont ever act like I dont like her bf. I'm always polite and nice with him

And no I am not jelous she has a boyfriend. I am frustrated at the fact that no matter what we seem to do now they seem to go off in a little two and have their own thing going, which means I dont get to spend time with my friend and I have to interact with someone Im not that keen on everytime we go out to even try to have a conversation with her...

Try to find things that you like about him. It's possible that you are not liking him much b/c you resent your friend for being a little inconsiderate. Try being his friend as well so you can be ok with his coming along sometimes. But still tell her that you like your alone time as well.

Maybe it's not that your jealous that she has a boyfriend. It could be that you're jealous of them because he's taking her away from you. He's spending time with her that you used to be able to do and now can't because of him. That could be the root of your frustration.

Try to find things that you like about him. It's possible that you are not liking him much b/c you resent your friend for being a little inconsiderate. Try being his friend as well so you can be ok with his coming along sometimes. But still tell her that you like your alone time as well.

Yeah I see what your saying and its a good idea. I just sometimes think that theres some people you get on well with and some people you just cant really click with. Even though you dont dislike them or whatever, it just one of those things. Thats what its like between me and him.

I think its a good idea to just talk to her like its been said on this thread. I'm gonna try it

Maybe it's not that your jealous that she has a boyfriend. It could be that you're jealous of them because he's taking her away from you. He's spending time with her that you used to be able to do and now can't because of him. That could be the root of your frustration.

Yeah, maybe your right. It usually affects the whole group. Theres three other girls and I can tell they all feel the same as me.

Maybe I'm frustrated because I feel like things aren't the same as they were before

Things naturally change when someone gets into a relationship. She's going to have less time for you. But that just means that the time you have together should be quality time. Let her know that you don't mind her bringing him, but you do mind her bringing him all the time because you already naturally see her less since she's in a relationship. Explain that it's hard to maintain a friendship when she's always with her boyfriend.

Things naturally change when someone gets into a relationship. She's going to have less time for you. But that just means that the time you have together should be quality time. Let her know that you don't mind her bringing him, but you do mind her bringing him all the time because you already naturally see her less since she's in a relationship. Explain that it's hard to maintain a friendship when she's always with her boyfriend.

Sounds like a good idea, thanks

How old are you?

My best friend's husband is one of my close friends as well--he and I have a great relationship and friendship, but my best friend has been my best friend for 11 years now, and sometimes I like to have her to myself. If she's your friend, she'll understand, but you have to do it in a way where she can't get defensive.

How old are you?

 

My best friend's husband is one of my close friends as well--he and I have a great relationship and friendship, but my best friend has been my best friend for 11 years now, and sometimes I like to have her to myself. If she's your friend, she'll understand, but you have to do it in a way where she can't get defensive.

Yeah I understand what you mean, how to word things like how has been said on this thread sounds like a very good idea.

I'm 18, we all are.

Yeah I understand what you mean, how to word things like how has been said on this thread sounds like a very good idea.

 

I'm 18, we all are.

 

I only ask b/c when I was that age (Oh god, makes me feel old to say taht...and I'm only 26-ish), it bothered me more and more and more. The same friend I'm talking about has always been that way, ever since I've been friends with her in high school, and now that we're older and more secure with ourseleves, I don't mind it as much as I used to.

 

I'm not saying you're immature or anything, but just that it won't always be that way!

Just as a general note really - but why is that people have to exclude people? Would not life be so much better if people were inclusive rather than exclusive - even if it does mean that a new friend is of the opposite gender?

For a few generations women were complaining about how sexist men kept them out of the 'boy's clubs'. So what's the difference?

Perhaps if the different races and the two genders could actually spend more time together socialising as groups and less time excluding each other - life for everyone might be a bit better and people might understand each other more than they do now.

I know - I am so naive.

I only ask b/c when I was that age (Oh god, makes me feel old to say taht...and I'm only 26-ish), it bothered me more and more and more. The same friend I'm talking about has always been that way, ever since I've been friends with her in high school, and now that we're older and more secure with ourseleves, I don't mind it as much as I used to.

 

I'm not saying you're immature or anything, but just that it won't always be that way!

 

Yeah I see what your saying

Just as a general note really - but why is that people have to exclude people? Would not life be so much better if people were inclusive rather than exclusive - even if it does mean that a new friend is of the opposite gender?

 

For a few generations women were complaining about how sexist men kept them out of the 'boy's clubs'. So what's the difference?

 

Perhaps if the different races and the two genders could actually spend more time together socialising as groups and less time excluding each other - life for everyone might be a bit better and people might understand each other more than they do now.

 

I know - I am so naive.

Um, for the record, I actually have friends of the male gender and of different races, whos company I enjoy and I do not have any problem whatsoever hanging with them wherever we go and neither do they?

I think thats a different topic altogether. I dont mind her wanting to bring her boyfriend and including him in more of her life, I think its expected. But sometimes you do just want alone time with your friend...

Well, alone time with your friend is one thing and that makes sense. But it seemed you were also talking about more than one friend.

I dont ever act like I dont like her bf. I'm always polite and nice with him

 

And no I am not jelous she has a boyfriend. I am frustrated at the fact that no matter what we seem to do now they seem to go off in a little two and have their own thing going, which means I dont get to spend time with my friend and I have to interact with someone Im not that keen on everytime we go out to even try to have a conversation with her...

i think i know what you mean. i feel this way and it's not b/c of jealousy... sometimes you just want some alone time with a friend.

it's very crucial that you dont come off as if you have a problem with the bf since you dont.

i like the idea of proposing "girls night out". orrrr.. maybe tell her nicely how you and her "haven't gone out just the 2 of you in a long time and you'd love to do it like old times again." it;s honest and sincere and doesn't come off wrong..

Those are valid points DN.. I think what annoys her and her friends is they act like they are all alone when they are hanging out with her gf's.. I think snogging is another way of saying kissing, or making out..right, OP?

Those are fine, if you are a couple out on the town and by yourself.. but in a group... it can make other people feel uncomfortable, esp. if they don't have a SO to be with..

So.. i think the OP has a valid point...