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Thread: What happens if you never get over your ex?

  1. #1
    TexasDad
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    What happens if you never get over your ex?

    9/25
    7 years ago my wife of 3 years at the time and I left to go to the hospital, it was 2001 only 14 days after the World Trade Center attacks it was an uncertain time. My daughter was born early in the morning that day. I remember almost every detail of it all, everything from the previous miscarriage to the trying for over a year afterwards, and then there she was 10 fingers 10 toes. I looked at my wife, I looked at my baby, I felt immense love and pride for both. I had waited until I was 35 to marry, there were many women I could have married over the years but none of them felt right so I waited, I waited for the right one to come along.

    Ours was not the perfect marriage but it always felt right and that it would last forever. We had our ups and downs, our highs and lows, but I always felt there was love everlasting between us. We had a house we had bought a few months before we were married; we did some improvements on it. We were a family; we had family gatherings in the backyard. It all felt so right, there seemed to be a lot of love to go around. Three years later we sold that house and upgraded, had a custom home built. My wife was there every step of the way picking colors, making decisions, this was OUR house, she wanted a brand new house that no one had lived in. We talked of growing old together in our house of grandkids coming around. Then in 2005 we had a son, I desperately wanted a son because I am the last of my name, so there we were same hospital same room even. I never felt so much love, there I was looking at my wife looking at my baby, looking at my daughter holding her brother we had it all.

    Two years later my wife would tell me she wanted out, the kids drained her, I was keeping her from being her and abruptly left us, left me to pick up the pieces and try and hold things together for the kids sake.

    Here I am today sad as all get out thinking back to my daughter being born, but no one to remember it with, no one to help tell the story. I loved my wife up until the day she left.

    I ask “what if you never get over your ex?” I don’t think I ever will, my dreams were shattered, my trust taken from me, my heart destroyed. Will I ever love again? I can’t say for sure, but I’d bet not. I have the kids, I have the house, still there is something gone that can never be replaced, the kids will never know what it is like to have a mom and a dad there when they go to sleep and there when they wake up; I will never have someone to help me tell the stories of their birth, of the times when we were a family.

  2. #2
    redhearts

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    The house your living in won't help.

  3. #3
    wizard71
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    Does she have post natal depression of some kind?

  4. #4
    Miranona
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    there are other stories that you can share with someone that are not of the past, and still be equally special.
    sometimes it is better to hear stories from one person, rather than 2..
    if you have faith that you will love again, then you will.

  5. #5
    jettison

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    Some people in this world just weren't meant to be part of a lasting union. I'm referring to your ex. They will find ways to torch their relationships because they never feel "right". They will wander around, looking for the good life, and never understand that there is no such thing, but just life itself.

    It may have to do with her childhood, or it may just mean that she doesn't know how not to disappoint someone, and she'll always feel the pressure that will make her want to leave.

  6. #6
    wizard71
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    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    Some people in this world just weren't meant to be part of a lasting union. I'm referring to your ex. They will find ways to torch their relationships because they never feel "right". They will wander around, looking for the good life, and never understand that there is no such thing, but just life itself.

    It may have to do with her childhood, or it may just mean that she doesn't know how not to disappoint someone, and she'll always feel the pressure that will make her want to leave.
    Very true...

  7. #7
    saturnreturn
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    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    Some people in this world just weren't meant to be part of a lasting union. I'm referring to your ex. They will find ways to torch their relationships because they never feel "right". They will wander around, looking for the good life, and never understand that there is no such thing, but just life itself.

    It may have to do with her childhood, or it may just mean that she doesn't know how not to disappoint someone, and she'll always feel the pressure that will make her want to leave.
    You just described my ex....
    But to get back to the initial question, I am sorry you feel so lost... How long ago did your wife leave? Do you have family and friends to support you?
    I really can't imagine how you feel, I am still reeling from my own break up and were not married, no house, no kids...
    I think one day you will want to open yourself up to trust and love yourself, just not today. Take care of yourself and your kids... Things will fall into place. They always do.

  8. #8
    Eggs
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    It IS very much possible to have a second chance at love and a new future (I am there). Of course, you've got to heal from the devastation and broken heart, etc. first. Have you grieved? Where are you in the recovery process? Once you accept and get over the loss, you can be on your way to new, good things.

    I, like you, was on the receiving end. After 10 years of marriage and 2 very young children, glorious home (our 4th, and the one our daughter's could get married in, etc.), I was blindsided with a divorce.

    Have you heard from her since???

  9. #9
    atelis
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    i'm sorry for what you ave gone through. i have seen your situation unfold many times and while it is never easy to find love again, many have done it. It does take a conscious effort though on your part to be prepared to want to love again. many will choose to bask in the afterglow of their ex for years and years and never be able to trust and open up to another person again.

    but if you want to find a new love, you can do it.

    it is never easy for single parents of children to get out and date and meet new people simply due to the time and pressure involved in raising kids, but if the desire is still there, you can certainly find love again.

    i wish you well my friend

  10. #10
    RougeKali823
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    You should talk to a therapist because she really hurt you and recovery-contrary to what people say-time does not heal all wounds unless you allow it to.

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