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Thread: My boyfriend is on Adult Friend Finder. What do I do?

  1. #1
    keepquiet
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    My boyfriend is on Adult Friend Finder. What do I do?

    I never ever snoop through my boyfriends stuff. But when I was cleaning stuff up around the computer desk, he had left his email inbox open. I couldn't help but see several emails from link removed about poeple who want to meet him.

    I looked up his profile on my own computer and find out that since this April (we have been living together for over a year) he has posted himself as "seeking a female or a female-female couple". I'm sick to my stomach...I don't know what to do. I need to ask him about it because I will not continue to waste my time with him if he is cheating on me. I honestly was not snooping on his computer, but if I ask him about it he will think that I was.

    I'm pretty devastated that he would put himself on that site, even if he hasn't cheated on me. The thought of him even looking for something else is humilating and insulting to me. But if he is looking for something else, why wouldn't he tell me that I am not good enough for him?

    I really need help!!!!
    Last edited by keepquiet; 09-20-2008 at 01:12 AM.

  2. #2
    littlestar
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    Even if he hasn't met up with anyone YET he is still cheating on you by posting on those sites looking for someone to cheat with.
    Sounds like this one certainly isnt a keeper.
    If you decide to confront him beware of the lies he is going to try to tell you. IT's nothing, it's not what it looks like. Blah blah blah.

  3. #3
    kuiks8

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    confront him..get the truth from him and see if you can forgive and forget..if not dump his ass

  4. #4
    littlestar
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    Good luck with getting the truth out of him.

  5. #5
    Samedy
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    That site, and your problem, get brought up a lot on ENA. By getting an account on there, especially if it was after you two got together, he has at least tried to cheat on you. If he hasn't cheated on you, it isn't for lack of trying (sorry).

    From what I have heard, and read about the site, a lot of the female accounts on there are prostitutes. That doesn't mean they all are, but it has become more common now for prostitutes to put themselves on that site, instead of walking around on the street... Again, that doesn't mean he has sought a prostitute, but that is what he is exposing himself to.

    What do you do? If you don't have kids, then leave. If you have kids, that complicates things because you two will always be connected, so there will have to be some resolve.

  6. #6
    Tezza
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    This happened to me, my bf was on POF and AdultFriendFinder. I sussed him out for a little while, made some fake profiles and he actually tagged one and message the other one.

    When that happened I confronted him about using those sites, I did not tell him that I created the fake profiles, but I had enough evidence to realise that he was actively using them. I told him that if he was still looking for someone else, then we should break up. He was so scared. I told him that it was up to him, and that he should delete his profiles and having them on there just made me feel like I wasn't important enough for him.

    Later that day he deleted them on his own, I know cos I checked. He didn't know that I knew about the AdultFriendFinder one, only the POF one, he deleted them both, I guess he didn't want to risk our relationship any further.

    Keepquiet I totally know how you feel.

  7. #7
    Mutley
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samedy [Register to see the link]
    From what I have heard, and read about the site, a lot of the female accounts on there are prostitutes.
    That would make sense.

    How many women out there are just looking for sex hook ups?

    I'm sure there are some, but not a whole lot.

    Enlighten me if I'm wrong.

    (ps sorry for your discovery....I don't mean to hijack the thread.)

  8. #8
    BeStrongBeHappy
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    That site is well known to have people who are looking for 'discreet' affairs (in relationships but wanting some sex on the side). It is also for swingers or people who want to pursue alternative type sexual activity, or sex with no strings attached.

    So he could still very well want to be with you as your partner, but is searching for sex on the side for variety or some 'secret' fun. Most people don't go there to find a date or relationship, just sex.

    But what is deeply problematic about that is that he has revealed himself to be a cheater who is content to live a double life in order to get sexual variety. There is a *small* chance he was just looking for someone to engage in online dirty talk, but most people who do that kind of thing eventually do meet and hook up with someone.

    Since you are not married to him i suggest you get out now. I'm not sure you can trust him, and if he is seeking anonymous/random hookups, there is always the question of STDs that he might infect you with.

    You just don't want to be with someone who does this kind of thing... i'm sorry.

  9. #9
    IphigeniaSaysHi

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    It sounds like you have to leave him. I actually just posted about Adult Friend Finder, because my bf had it in his cookies. My stomach nearly started to bleed I felt so freaked out. (Still don't know if he uses it)

    Once they have crossed that line and have started looking for other real women, not just porn images, it is over.

    Don't let yourself be run around by a cheat. You're worth more. And like littlestar said, he will likely lie his butt off. He can say "Oh I was just looking, nothing happened. It was stupid, I love you!" FAIL. They will say anything to avoid a fallout.

    Give him a fallout. Maybe he will learn something.

  10. #10
    MinziGirl
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    Take it from an ex-aff user. N o t h i n g good comes out of that site!!! The people there are not serious & they are only looking for fun. I mean extreme fun... You name it, they got it.

    What do you think your boyfriend is searching for there? Did he pay for a membership there? If so, then there is a real intention of cheating you because people who have not paid cannot brose profiles there or write mails to anyone unless someone writes to them. This is typical for the male user. If a female user is 'popular' enough, she gets to mail 50 people a day.

    Also, this site is very addictive & there are a lot of sick people there. If your boyfriend paid for a membership there, then i suggest you break it off with him. Nothing good will come out of that site.

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