Should I leave him or not?

Ah..this may be a bit long..

I've been with my boyfriend since mid-February, so we haven't really been together that long. I was in an unhappy 8 month relationship with my ex just before my current boyfriend. Things went really bad for me with my ex ever since I moved for college. I met my current boyfriend at college and had an instant crush on him, he had all the qualities I wanted from my ex, and I ended up falling for my current boyfriend, hard. So I realised then "What the hell am I doing with this guy?" and dumped my ex. Thing is, I never really gave myself some recovery time and pretty much rebounded with my current boyfriend.

I have to explain some things about my current boyfriend, let's call him John. John has a long medical history that will be on going for the rest of his life. He grew up with a severe tumour on his Pituitry gland(The gland that regulates growth hormones) and caused his body to grow irregularly(he's 6foot 7). After he was diagnosed he had surgery, was put on proper medication and he grew out properly(he looks absolutely fine now). During the summer he had radiotherapy to help rid the tumour completely and cut down his medication.

Everything went fine at the beginning, I was like a young teenager because I was so excited(I'm now 21). I found out that I was his first girlfriend and he's never really had any relationship with any girl(he's 21). I thought, alright, that's okay, at least his first is someone who's loyal and non-manipulative(hey, I think I'm a decent person). Sex was an awkward subject since he was a virgin. I'm a woman, I need sex in a relationship like any other. So I tried talking him into slowly, and only if he ever felt comfortable. You can imagine the guy has some body issues considering his past. I kept encouraging him that his body was fine and that he's actually well endowed. So eventually we had sex, and being his first time it wasn't great but it was his first time. I kept trying to educating him but it was quite frustrating because he never took any initiative. Ever. I talked to him about it, and there wasn't much of a change. Now I feel terrible because during love making last night, I fantasised about this new attractive guy I recently befriended, and I've never done anything like that before.

During our relationship I found more and more things that annoyed me about him and things that he does that turns me off. Lately I don't find him attractive anymore since he put on so much weight(maybe it's the medication but he eats so much). I'm not really in the position to complain, I'm not exactly a goddess, but he's let himself go. I lost some hair from the Radiotherapy as well and he looks very different from when I first met him. I kept telling myself that I have to support him because he's having a hard time, but a lot of the time it seems he plays the "Sick" card a lot for attention and it just irritates the * * * * out of me.

Maybe it's like a friend said; "Familiarity breeds contempt".

Should I work on this?

You said you lost hair from radiotherapy? But anyways I think you should let him go, he was a rebound, you no longer seem to be into him. Just don't go bouncing from guy to guy. At least have proper healing here.

I dont think its fair to just dump someone becuase you are not 'attracted' anymore. You were attracted once before, its just a communication issue. People in 20 year marriages dont just still find eachother attractive, like when they first met. - they last because they are doing stuff that still generates attractive qualities. Boils down to communication.

Point is - sex is not the be all and end all, that can ALWAYS be improved. REmember that when something off-putting, enters your mind, it is very easy to let that thought engulf all.

This happens when you dont address an issue at hand. For instance, your man may have put on weight. That doesnt change, so you find a another reason that puts you off to justify that one, and so on, and so on, until your mind is engulfed with only negative thoughts. Communication is key.

Leaving someone for a personal fault, or the fact that they have 'changed physically' is sick - unless of course all options regarding the situation have been explored. We're not all perfect and we cant all read minds....

You said you lost hair from radiotherapy?

Hah, no, HE lost hair from radiotherapy.

I dont think its fair to just dump someone becuase you are not 'attracted' anymore. You were attracted once before, its just a communication issue. People in 20 year marriages dont just still find eachother attractive, like when they first met. - they last because they are doing stuff that still generates attractive qualities. Boils down to communication.

 

Point is - sex is not the be all and end all, that can ALWAYS be improved. REmember that when something off-putting, enters your mind, it is very easy to let that thought engulf all.

 

This happens when you dont address an issue at hand. For instance, your man may have put on weight. That doesnt change, so you find a another reason that puts you off to justify that one, and so on, and so on, until your mind is engulfed with only negative thoughts. Communication is key.

 

Leaving someone for a personal fault, or the fact that they have 'changed physically' is sick - unless of course all options regarding the situation have been explored. We're not all perfect and we cant all read minds....

Well I have hinted at the whole weight thing, and I have tried talking about things, but it feels like he's so apathetic about it. It's kinda like he doesn't try at all. I'm planning on talking to him about some things again as I'm trying to make things work, he seems a bit distant lately. It's a lot more complicated than what I've explained..

Thank you both for taking your time to read my post and for replying