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Thread: Not over my ex but don't want him back either?

  1. #1
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    Not over my ex but don't want him back either?

    A little backstory... my ex and I dated for four years, broke up this July, and haven't spoken since late August.

    I still miss him... I'll look him up online to see recent posts he's made on message boards or something, or I'll pull up something from 2006 or some such time when we were still together, and I'll find myself missing him.

    I don't understand what this means. I think that I still love him and still have romantic feelings for him, but I don't want to date him. We were on and off for the four years and I just couldn't go down that road again.

    I don't understand how I can still feel for him romantically but at the same time not want to try things again. Has anyone else felt this way? What did you do about it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member summerpeach's Avatar
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    Habits are hard to break.
    And it's not been very long since the break-up. Give it time and your feelings will lessen

  3. #3

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    Yes you are not alone. I was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years and it was an on again off again relationship. She broke up with me 5 times.

    I'm not over her but I don't want her back either. I know deep down in my heart a permanent breakup was for the best. I have no practical reasons to go back.

    Give it time. It's just a matter of getting used to living without him.

  4. #4
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    same here... i dont think I am over her and I know our relationship won't work... gotta let go gotta let go...

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  6. #5

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    But the fact that you know it would not be a good idea to go back is a sign that you are making progress in the healing process. So give yourself credit. It means you are not desperate to go back at any cost! You are on the road to getting over your ex.

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    yea, i miss my first ex too. a lot. i still call him every now and then. sometimes he picks up, somtimes he doesn't. we just talk about random stuff. nothing romantic. he came over the other day and we just watched tv together. i missed him so much afterward i've been in such a funk.

    i don't want him back. i could get him back, but things with us were bad. i might still be in love with him, i'm not sure. i can't go back to where i was though. i have to move on.

  8. #7
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    My dear... you're missing him because you've allowed yourself to miss him by doing what you've said you're doing, it's exactly that! Pulling out stuff from when the relationship was rosy and all, so of course you'd miss him.

    From what I surmise, and judging from the lapse in the break ups and reconciliations in the past, you're perhaps being somewhat needy, which would also mean why the two of you have gotten back and then broken up again so many times. So now when he's gone there's a genuine relapse in emotions relating to the void which he used to fill.

    There is good here too, in that you have recognized that you're no longer willing to go down that road again, so I hope you're going to keep strong and work even more on being self aware and acknowledging the habits of your past relationship...

    Missing someone is normal when the void is there... however to long for someone and to constantly wanting to think about them, by doing what you're doing is not healthy and it won't allow you to heal... On the other hand if you pull the stuff out from the past and yet convince yourself that you've got to let him go than that's better then longing for him, obviously.

    Ask yourself if you miss being needed, if so, then you've really got to work on yourself... and do no more of longing for the 'love of being needed'.
    Last edited by Kahdeksan; 09-17-2008 at 01:21 AM. Reason: Typos

  9. #8
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    I have felt this way. It's not really out of habit for me. It's more that I kind of never got over being hurt/dumped and then treated like trash the way my ex bf (of my first relationship) treated me.
    He moved on, rubbed it in my face and ignored me.

    I did/do find myself thinking back, but realise very well I never want to be with him. He just isn't the one for me.
    If I where to hang onto old memories it would make it way harder to have moved on. Though we where together few months, it was very hard on me.
    I think you should slowly think about fully moving on, and maybe getting rid of things which remind you of him. When you find yourself going back to thoughts of missing him, again, remind yourself that part of your life is over and you need to move onto better things..

  10. #9
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    Didn't you break up with him? So the only thing keeping you from reconciling is yourself?

  11. #10
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    Freedom from a situation is a choice. Freedom from a feeling is a battle. Choose wisely my friend. Respect to you for being honest.

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