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What's a quick, effective way to die?


Lawliet

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I'm not here to get you to talk me out of killing myself...it won't work. I've had over two months to contemplate this...and it's going to happen. My life's not heading anywhere, and it's in complete shambles right now...I can barely function, and I just want to end it all.

 

I don't want to die slowly in pain and without guarantee, however, and that is the purpose for why I'm here. I've thought about stabbing myself with a knife, but I'm unsure of how painful that would be, or if I'd die as quick as I imagine. Ideally, I'd have a gun with which I could put the muzzle in my mouth and fire, which I think would be the quickest and most painless way to die, but I don't have a gun, nor the proper licenses to get one, so I'm stuck with household things.

 

Jumping off a building is out of the question, I'm too afraid of heights to pull it off, and besides, it's attention-grabbing. I don't need crowds gathering around my corpse. I just want to quickly pull off my death on my own time while calm and alone. So what are your suggestions?

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I have a therapist. It's not helping. I hoped it might...but nothing can. Even the one once closest to me now hates me, and although my therapist does help a little...things go down faster than they go up. I can't catch up. Rather than live constantly miserable...It'd be better for me to die and feel nothing.

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I can tell you exactly what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm going to wake up, mope around the house, go out with my friends and put on a smile and a laugh so none of them will have a clue how I truly feel, go back home, mope some more, and continue doing so until I fall asleep. I want to fall asleep. Forever.

 

Life has been bringing me the most unexpected things...things keep getting worse and worse and whenever I think I can't go any lower, life gives me another big surprise like always. I've been contemplating to end my existence for so long now, and I'm tired of waiting. I keep giving it time...I keep finding ways to stop myself...and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid to die...but I see no other way. And I know the fear that lasts in me now will disappear when I do. And so will the misery. And the sorrow. And everything that plagues me by the mere act of waking up.

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Job, no...my school is one strike, I have friends but I don't get to see them very often, tomorrow will be one of the few days I do...I had a friend I truly loved who I'd talk with everyday, but in the past week she's learned to hate me, which might as well be the feather on the camel's back for my depression.

 

I hated my life for a long time...but I never felt suicidal. And what better clich'e than the so-called miracle of love to take me out of that hate...and then throw me right back in and deeper than ever before. The only thing that's stopped me from ending myself is that I knew she cared...I didn't want to burden her...but she cares no longer, and my reason for living...no...my reason for not dying is gone.

 

And no, I'm not on anti-depressants. I'm a bit wary of medication after going through a problem with painkillers a couple years ago.

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Geez, my boyfriend fo four years brokeup with me on valentines day, I had a mental breakdown, my dad killed himself, I dropped out of school and was disqualified thought Id never get back in, no job.... trust me I was moping, sleeping, crying all day every day. But I pulled myself together went home for the summer, did some therapy and now Im back in school, working, and so thankful that Iactually had that dark seven months or so. I appreciate all the things I have a million times more. Just make a decision you want to better your life. Its so corny but so true. Wake up, go for a run, start slow you know? Orrrrrr move to a new city?New friends,new routine,new life... Your problems wont disappear but maybe its thepush you need to start anew.

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Seven months? Good God, I could barely make it through the first day. We were engaged to be married...and I'm young and I knew it wasn't a good idea...but I loved her so much and to me the answer was obvious. I never cared about anyone...not anything...not until her...and just having her in my life, even if only as a friend, was enough to keep me going.

 

But now she's left even our friendship...she doesn't even think I still love her. She outright hates me now...and no matter where I go, she's always insulting me where she knows I'll hear it, even if it's indirect. The past five days have been an absolute Hell...not only have I lost her in my life...she can't even leave me alone about it. It's almost as if she's taunting me...I just don't see how I can move on.

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Thats the best part! You totally can! Pack up your s*** and move! Go far away and start a new life. My best friend did. She moved from CA to Colorado without knowing a soul and now she's the happiest I have ever seen her. Come on now really though, you're young and theres so much life ahead. No need to be so down and dramatic. Life is crazy but it's amazing

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I disagree. Don't join the army. Last thing you need to be around right now is guns and stress. You can contact Columbia Presbyterian here in NY and they have a depression program that is a voluntary inpatient program if you are accepted. Its free, which is great for those who don't have health insurance.

 

Large, great food, very clean, highly trained physicians (ranked number two hospital in mental health in the world).

 

They do research on you and help train their residents with the patients and that is why it is free.

 

 

You really need inpatient treatment right now and to check yourself in voluntarily would give you more freedom for your own treatment. Hell, it is actually like summer camp.

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I agree with babysunshine. If your life here is awful, you can always pick up and start over again. If you're too young to do that, you really need to reconsider what you're thinking because your life will change completely when you are on your own. This is not how it'll always be. She won't always be there to haunt you, and you'll have endless opportunities to make things change. You can go off to college/work/live in another city. You can meet new people. You can revamp your whole persona if you so wish. You don't have to be the person you are today, ever. You can always change tomorrow.

 

I know that our emotions can make us feel like one person is our whole world, but that is never the case. Try to detach yourself from that feeling and see things from another person's perspective. What would most people say about this situation? That she's gone, your life will redcover, and you'll find the person you're meant to be with. Peopl don't just say that to be a-holes. They say it because its almost always true.

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I actually disagree with the people who are stating that you can "just turn your life around" at will; while this may be possible, I really think you need to talk to a qualified psychiatrist. Not just a therapist, a psychiatrist, since they can prescribe medication.

 

Hear me out here. I know you've probably heard the argument that you should talk to someone or be on antidepressants before, but by your own admission this depression has been going on a long time, and was not caused by any acute causes (that we know about, anyway). That leads me to believe that this is probably a chemical imbalance in your brain.

 

I think ultimately you need to be on some sort of antidepressant, but I am not a doctor, so please don't consider this medical advice. A psychiatrist, however, would be able to talk to you and diagnose what may be the actual cause of your depression, and could give you tools to help, including lifestyle changes, thinking methods, and possibly antidepressants.

 

Having been on antidepressants before, I will admit that the process is not quick or easy. You will likely have to try two or more medications prior to finding one that "fits" your brain chemistry or doesn't give you any side effects. But I will tell you that they can be a great help in giving you a perspective that you may not see right now.

 

Despair has a way of taking over our world view. When I was depressed, negative emotions and parts of my life grew to monumental size and dwarfed anything positive. But again, this was a problem of perspective... but not one I could necessarily solve on my own. Depression has a way of growing on itself. Stress leads to depression, depression leads to despair, despair leads to more stress. You need outside help to break this cycle or it will consume you as it almost has already.

 

You do not see it now, but your life can be full outside of your ex-girlfriend, even if she's not in your life at all. There are many, many good people out there. We just aren't all that noticeable.

 

I'm not going to claim that this is a cry for help or any such platitudes, but I will say that I have been in a place similar to where you are now, and that there are ways to better places. They are like a narrow passage in a storm, fraught with peril, but they are worth the journey. I hope you'll let us help you take it.

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lawliet - what about doing something really different, something that you'd never consider doing in a million years? i don't know - why don't you just go and move to some foreign country and do some meaningful work. maybe find an organization to volunteer with in africa? go work in rebuilding homes in new orleans? go to china and help teach english? i can understand feeling unsatisfied with your life. sit down and think about what really might make you happy. i am sure you can help many people, i think you have a lot to live for.

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I appreciate what you're all trying to do...but these things just aren't feasible for someone like me...I'm 17-years old and about to drop out of high school(If I make it that far, anyway) and it's just not so easy for me to let her go. I don't know how to explain how much I care about her...well...I did write this thing once...it might help you guys understand a bit more the connection I have with this woman, as well as how I was before meeting her. It was something that...I didn't know what I was going to write but I had the impulse to write anyway.

 

I'm not sure where to begin...was it fate that I somehow managed to go through all this...just to end up with nothing? Maybe fate is the only explanation, outside forces certainly seem to be conspiring against me, ruining me every way I turn. Perhaps this is God's way of punishing me for my inability to follow his laws of the world...no...it's ridiculous for someone like me to think that a God could possibly exist. To some it's reasonable, and I can respect that, but to me, I could not possibly accept it. To accept God is to accept that you are a slave, bound by the will of a single omnipotent overlord. This overlord is your master. Failure to obey this master will result in the complete and ultimate punishment upon you following your death. I could not possibly accept that I am so out of control of my own life, and all due to some being who can not be seen, heard, felt, smelled, or even tasted. Perhaps I'm wrong? It's impossible to say. If there is a God though, and I'm his toy to use as he pleases, then it would certainly explain a lot. Perhaps that's why I'm writing this now, miserable and without guidance, maybe it's all because God is trying to get me to die, so he may begin his punishment upon me by sending me to the depths of Hell.

 

Philosophical and religious beliefs and ideologies aside, this fact remains: I am miserable. I am depressed. I can not be saved. All people die, and I can't avoid this. So why live? I went through what was the greatest moment, the greatest two months of my life. Two months that took years to create. Two years created two months. Two months, however, has now created a deadline. A time of death. Someday, I shall die, and it is the end of these two months that may have quickened that death date. The truth is that I am afraid to die. I wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice myself should it be for a loved one, of which there are not many, but to take my own life is something much easier said than done. Since July 2nd, the thought of ending my life has occurred to me well over a dozen times. Sometimes they last for longer intervals, sometimes they are more intense, and sometimes they're benign, where it's a mere thought and will ultimately not effect me. Having said that, I've had a blade right up to my throat during nearly half of these intervals, and it wouldn't take much for me to make the slightest slit and destroy my existence forever. Why did I not do this? There is the fear, yes, the fear of death. As you can tell up above, I do not believe in God, and thus do not believe in Hell. I am not afraid to die because I may go to Hell. That is not my fear. The truth is, one who does not believe in an afterlife has much more to fear than anyone religious, whether they are destined to go to Heaven or Hell, because one who does not share such supernatural beliefs has to accept to themselves that when they die, all that awaits them is nothingness. I fear nothingness. My depression makes me feel like nothing, but being nothing is an entirely different concept. The mere thought is enough to make anyone hesitate before taking his or her own life. However, this was not the reason I chose not to kill myself. I escaped death...because of love.

 

My loved ones who I'd sacrifice my life for, I am not talking about them. I am talking about a single one of them, one who has changed my life and who I care for most deeply. Her name will not be mentioned. If you know me, you know who she is, and if you don't, then her name means nothing to you and there's no reason it should be written here in this collaboration of thoughts. Either way, whether you know her name or don't, it is important to understand how very much I love her. No matter how much bad blood has come between us, she is always, in every waking and sleeping moment, somewhere in my mind. Maybe she's what I'm thinking of right then. Maybe she's in the corner of my mind as I read one of my favorite novels. Maybe she's the central-most theme in my dreams, or maybe she plays a small role. Whatever the case, it is literally impossible at the moment to get her out of my mind, and consequently it is impossible to kill myself when, no matter what time I choose, I'll always be thinking of her. She's my priority. I do not care if I die and my life does end in nothingness, but I refuse to burden her by taking my own life, and I will only do whatever is in her best interest. This has been true since the moment I fell in love with her. Granted, back then I didn't have such self-loathing thoughts, but if I did, there should be no doubt that it is only her perception that I do care about.

 

It is important to note that this woman and I are still close. While the above statements do seem to suggest that something awful happened between us, it never ruined our friendship. But this is not where the story begins. No, as I said, it was two years that created the two months, and the two months that created my current situation. By talking of my love for her, I am implicitly addressing the beginning of these two months. That is not right. I have to go back two years.

 

Two years ago is when everything started. It's when a feigned a friendship, ended that friendship, gained a new one, and inevitably fell in love. I was a far different person back then. Had my lust for experimentation and confirmation not taken over me, it is safe to say that I would never have met this woman, this woman who has made me so very happy despite my current state of misery. This happiness is possibly the only thing that the logical and intrigue-filled side of me had ever done properly. No no no, none of this is right. I'm making this side of me sound so adventurous, like it was something fun. It wasn't. This was a side of me born from total apathy, at a time when I did not care for things like emotion. My affinity was with the darkness. I do not mean evil. I mean the solid state of black. This lust towards nothingness. Darkness, I felt, was not the antithesis of light, as many seemed to think. Darkness is not some bizarre anti-light of any sort, it is only the absense of light. Black is created from lack of reflecting light. When there is nothing, you do not find yourself in a void filled with white, which represents all different colors reflecting off the same thing. No, nothingness is filled with black. It is completely dark, and that darkness can not disappear. Darkness is everywhere. Where there is no light, there is darkness, and where there is light, there are shadows. The truth is, darkness is an inescapable phenomenon, and I took such truth and applied it to my own personal philosophy. I sculpted myself into nothingness. I took this darkness, this nothingness, and made myself void of emotion. Void of care. Void of love. This was a person who I no longer know. This was a person who could stare you straight in the eye and break your heart, and then walk, or stay, so casually, without the slightest fraction of remorse. This is a person who would not go out of his way to hurt you, but wouldn't go out of his way to make you feel better either. This is a person who cared for nothing because he was nothing. It pains me to affiliate this person with me, because at one point we were the same. At one point, I was nothing.

 

I'll note that I'm inclined to agree, to some extent, with insofar...I'm not psychologically stable. I know this well. I'm fully aware that my depression is effecting my thoughts and thus increasing my suicidal impulses. But it still hurts. Emotionally and physically, it is always hurting. I can't get her out of my head, even when she refuses to talk about me. My dreams of her still come to me at night and scrape against my mind...I can't escape her at all. And she cares nothing for me. Before her, I had no reason for living, and I wasn't sure why I was even doing it...now that she's gone from my life...won't even talk to me...I just want to end this pain.

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17? you are so young! do not drop out. finish school. i have to tell you, i was very depressed when i was in high school, living with my mother. i was so miserable. my life improved 1000 times when i moved out on my own and went to college. life is a lot better when you make more choices for yourself, do what you want to, study what you want to, etc...

 

while i know you are heartbroken over this girl, i have to assure you, everyone goes through it. everyone loses a great love at some point. however, there are 3 billion other women on this planet, and there are a lot of women out there, i am sure, that are more suited for you than your ex-gf was. i have had this experience too.

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Lawleit,

 

Sorry, I didn’t read the whole post.

 

One of my friend was in similar situation and somehow he realised "He got nothing to loose". That thought changed his whole life....think about it...

 

There are very few people who got nothing to loose and use it to your advantage....

 

Once you are gone, you are just gone, world does not stop for you, noone really cares, basically noone dies with a dying person.

 

 

Sorry to be very harsh but this the truth of life.

 

Its your life, take command of it.

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and second is my story. if you are still contemplating suicide then at least pm me first so i can tell you why you dont want to die. please? i just want you to know about something before you do anything dumb. but try my first suggestion first. it got me through alot of stuff

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Lawliet, how are things going? I meant to come back and see if you had read my post earlier. Have you managed to take that first step and talk to a psychiatrist, or, failing that, at least a general practitioner? I recommend getting a reference to a psychiatrist first; a lot of GPs will prescribe antidepressants that may not actually be what you need based on an incomplete psychological profile.

 

You are obviously an intelligent person, and I feel I could talk to you about my thoughts about God and what is or is not out there (I'm agnostic myself; I don't know what's out there, but I have ideas). But ultimately you must understand that right now your thoughts are being coloured by a sinister influence, depression, which is making you see the darkness, as you put it, as being larger and more overwhelming than the light. Again, there is a problem of perspective here, and you must understand that you can take steps to limit or eliminate this bias that is being introduced to your thinking by your depression.

 

It will not be an easy process, but I now know you can do it. You must see what I'm talking about here. You said yourself that you may not be psychologically stable; this is not an indication of weakness, indeed, it is an indication of strength that you are able to make such an inventory of yourself. Please take the next step and ask for help. We both know that that step is not suicide. Suicide, in this case, would be admitting defeat to your depression.

 

I know you are suffering. I can't promise an easy fix. But please, please talk to someone skilled in treating depression, and if you start to get suicidal thoughts again, call 911. There are many people out there who want to help you. You won't be locked away or anything, you'll just be offered help.

 

As an aside, I think God does exist, but I don't think a merciful God would create a Hell, so I don't believe in such a thing. God can exist outside of any written doctrine; after all, there were humans involved in writing such things.

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dude, don't kill yourself. Get hospitalized. It isn't that bad.

 

I lost both my father and a girl I was in love with who was a close friend to suicide. You never fully heal from it. It sucks and I myself wanted to die afterwards.

 

As somebody who is bipolar with a strong inclination torwards depression more than mania, trust me, things can get better for most people (things like terminal illness are of course different). I was hospitalized five times and still struggle.

 

Try getting help and doing it voluntary. You will feel all the happier in the long run.

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