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Thread: Dealing with people who always have to be right...how do you do it?

  1. #1
    Seymore
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    Dealing with people who always have to be right...how do you do it?

    I mean for this to apply to not just bf/gf relationships, but relationships with people as a whole.

    My girlfriend has this thing about having the last word in an argument. She just about always has to be right, on top of that. This morning I’m driving to work and she’s driving to her new job. Since I was born & raised in this city I know my way around. She calls me to ask what the best way is to get to where she’s going from where she is.

    There’s this circle that breaks off into 5 streets. You enter it and drive counter-clockwise in a circle, like in that national lampoon movie. Anyway, she’s approaching and asks what exit is X street? I say the second exitfrom when she enters the circle. She gets through and says “No, it was the first”. I tell her that the first street will take her to Y street and that X street is the SECOND exit. She says “Well the sign says X street” and acts like I have no idea what I’m talking about, and I tell her again that X street is the second, not the first again. She says “Fine, I guess they put the sign on the wrong street”. I check my map and sure enough, it was the second exit, not the first like she said. I didn’t point it out, I just let it be.

    How do I argue with someone like this when I know for a fact I’m right? Just leave it? Were I to continue and say that my map said I was right, I know she’d get angry. Were I to say "Well, maybe you just didn't see the first exit", she'd get angry and think I was telling her she didn't know what she was talking about.

    This is an example of an argument that I wish to know how to handle without feeling like I’m the idiot. It’s not just with her, but with other people - people I work with or deal with on whatever basis. How do you deal with these people? Do you swallow your pride and say “Whatever” or do you fight it out?

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    pivotal
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    My encounters with that persona lead me to believe that there is an underlying dominant personality or insecurity.

    It seems the more incorrect they are proved to be, the more upset and commanding they become with you.

    As far as dealing with it, I generally don't foster relationships with people of that nature. If it is a forced business relationship limit the amount of contact.

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    SapphireNoir10
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    I dont know. I think its easier just to let it go sometimes. I always think life is too short to get wound up over other people thinking their right. Just be like 'Ok sure we'll agree to disagree' Or something and then let it go.

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    Karmageddon
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    My ex husband was that way. It's an insecurity that is really really annoying. He was a pretty smart guy, but NO ONE knows everything. I have no problem being wrong, but I typically want to know what the right answer is. So if I felt the answer he gave me didn't jive I would consult the "oracle" & look it up on the internet. That really used to make him mad. There is nothing you can do most of the time. Even when proven wrong, they will just pout about it.

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    PixelPusher
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    Huh... usually I would just back down and say "Well, I certainly thought it was the second exit but I could be wrong" and leave it at that. But I would seriously think about addressing this with her because I can't imagine being in a relationship where you have to back down 100% of the time because of their need to be right. My Xwife was similar to that...

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    Seymore
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    And I WANT to be able to just brush it off.

    A couple of weeks ago my gf was asking which post office was closer, X or Y. I said that I believed X was. So she looks it up on her phone and turns out I was wrong. She says "No, Y is closer". If I would've done the same thing back this morning it would've been a fight. I almost WANT to bring it up later and show her the map saying I was right about the circle the way she did to me with the post office to show her that it doesn't feel good, but I don't want a fight.

    Is there any trick people use to just forget these things and leave the argument without feeling bad?

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    Karmageddon
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles79 [Register to see the link]
    And I WANT to be able to just brush it off.

    A couple of weeks ago my gf was asking which post office was closer, X or Y. I said that I believed X was. So she looks it up on her phone and turns out I was wrong. She says "No, Y is closer". If I would've done the same thing back this morning it would've been a fight. I almost WANT to bring it up later and show her the map saying I was right about the circle the way she did to me with the post office to show her that it doesn't feel good, but I don't want a fight.

    Is there any trick people use to just forget these things and leave the argument without feeling bad?
    Well after a while, I used to just tell them to ask someone else...."since Im always wrong".....

  8. #8
    Fitchik
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    Pickles..I have the exact same delima. And honestly, it comes down to picking your battles.

    I don't and won't fight the little things anymore. It's just not productive.

  9. #9
    ycmanvs
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    I usually do not even attempt to argue with these types of people. I would rather say that I do not know, even if I do, just so that there is no argument.
    If it is a fact that can be easily checked, I will tell them where to go look it up and leave it at that. The only time I would even think of arguing is if I already have the source in front of me and I can show them that they are wrong.
    I have a friend who is like this all the time, so that is why I have developed these methods. He is a great guy, but extremely insecure about most things, so he needs to feel like he is right all the time. He was in therapy for a long time and he did get better, but will still, occasionally revert back to his old ways.

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    Seymore
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    These posts make sense. I like the "I COULD be wrong" idea. And yes, it is just small potatoes. I guess knowing deep down that I AM right is all I need, and I don't need to impose that on anyone else.

    But the "since I'm always wrong" I can see instigating a fight with just about anyone. I don't think I'm going to do that.

    But in the end, nobody can make me feel like I'm wrong, or anything for that matter. I make myself feel bad.

    Maybe next time we're driving through that area I'll tell her "this is where I thought you were that one morning, and there's the first exit - maybe I visualised your position wrong - where were you driving? You may be able to take an even easier route than this".

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