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Thread: Seriously, i'm not selfish and materialistic but......

  1. #21
    Gold Member fragmint's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by odile
    ah, fragmint, but you never mentioned "same field", you said:
    "yeah but between two people who are as smart as each other, the diploma/education will choose who will more likely make more money in the future."


    (no, i'm not a lawyer, i just play one on t.v.)

    haha. well...even without being in the same field, i would feel the same way about someone with education versus someone without. plus a degree in one 'field' or topic does not mean you can only use that degree in that one field.

  2. #22
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    i mean, i realize that we can't get all the things we want in life. i'd like to also have a lifestyle where there is always enough money, we can retire early and take exotic vacations. i'd also like to be able to eat pizza and cookies and ice cream and burgers everyday and not have to worry about my figure. but that's life, we can't get everything we want.

    and of course, in a relationship, i think it's best to split costs 50/50, or at least, in terms of relative income (if one person makes significantly more than the other). but, just on those first few dates, especially those initial ones, it's just so much nicer when i feel like i am being spoiled.

    ironically, my friend went on a date with this guy a few years ago (the one i just hadd the date with this week). he told her back then that he was also having financial difficulties and living with his parents (he is not anymore). but he really insisted that they share a meal. she was pretty hungry, but said ok, because he seemed insistent and enthusiastic about it. she just figured she could eat more when she got home. she didn't go on a second date with him because he didn't go to college, i guess he took a few classes, then dropped out.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member ProtestTheHero's Avatar
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    I will come at you from a different perspective. Everyone in my family has money. Everyone. Obviously, being in the family, the same can be said for me. Most people have no idea because of how I choose to act, dress, and portray myself, but once I start dating someone and introduce them to my family and what not...it becomes a harder issue to avoid.

    On a first date, regardless of where we go, if she offers to pay, I will pay 100% of the time in that situation. This shows me where her intentions are, and I react accordingly. If she doesn't offer, I'll pay anyways on a first date but I will make a mental note of that to see if that attitude shows up in any other aspect of me dating her.

    My brother is dating a girl who literally thinks that she should be treated like a princess. I can not tell you how turned off I am by that sort of attitude.

    I think what the OP is asking for is reasonable, though. Being able to pay for a restaurant date every now and then is not that unreasonable for a middle class dude in his late 20's/early 30's. As much as I dislike some women who assume that their man should be their sugar daddy, I also dislike it when the guy who does the spending tries to guilt trip the female.

    I think it's mostly about attitudes. If you're appreciative, unselfish, etc. then I would love to pay for both of us 99% of the time in any particular situation. It's when it's expected and assumed that I become a little irked.

    Just my opinion.

  4. #24

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    Annie, in large cities young American women make around 20% more than young American men. You cannot find a man with money, because there are not many around.

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  6. #25

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    Originally Posted by CaptainPlanet
    Annie, in large cities young American women make around 20% more than young American men.
    Uhhh may I see where you got those stats?

  7. #26

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    Originally Posted by annie24
    i mean, i realize that we can't get all the things we want in life. i'd like to also have a lifestyle where there is always enough money, we can retire early and take exotic vacations............ but that's life, we can't get everything we want.
    Move to the UK, Canada or Australia. Life is what you make it. People my age in Australia working crummy jobs always have enough money for everything and to take exotic vacations. Why don't you start seriously looking into immigration instead of being upset ? Also a lot of what you say strikes me as rather superficial. College, is just a standardized institution with some very low standards. Not indicative of very much at all other than the ability to pass those low standards the man problem is finding the time and the money to finish. Also a justification for spending it.

  8. #27
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CaptainPlanet
    Move to the UK, Canada or Australia. Life is what you make it. People my age in Australia working crummy jobs always have enough money for everything and to take exotic vacations. Why don't you start seriously looking into immigration instead of being upset ? Also a lot of what you say strikes me as rather superficial. College, is just a standardized institution with some very low standards. Not indicative of very much at all other than the ability to pass those low standards the man problem is finding the time and the money to finish. Also a justification for spending it.
    well, i didn't just finish college, i also did 2 majors in college, i also am finishing my PhD this year. trust me, no low standards here!

    i am seriously considering moving, but for the adventure, not for money. i'm just pointing out, of course, it is nice to have a comfortable life, it's also nice to be able to eat whatever you want and be a slender size 4. but, life isn't perfect.

  9. #28
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    thank you. i seriously want to give you a hug right now!!!!

    i guess part of me feels 'badly' for costing these guys an expense if they are struggling financially....... but then again..... they are the ones approaching ME and asking ME out on a date! i don't expect to be treated like a princess, i scoff at those women, but i'm also equally tired of feeling like i'm 'putting a guy out' by making him pay for my dinner. if i'm on a date with a guy who is well off, i don't feel bad at all, or worry if he will have enough money at the end of the month.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member ProtestTheHero's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by annie24
    thank you. i seriously want to give you a hug right now!!!!

    i guess part of me feels 'badly' for costing these guys an expense if they are struggling financially....... but then again..... they are the ones approaching ME and asking ME out on a date! i don't expect to be treated like a princess, i scoff at those women, but i'm also equally tired of feeling like i'm 'putting a guy out' by making him pay for my dinner. if i'm on a date with a guy who is well off, i don't feel bad at all, or worry if he will have enough money at the end of the month.
    Yeah, part of that is just bad form on their part. Any guy who does the actual asking for a date should assume that he's paying for both people and act accordingly.

    If a guy knows he can't afford to do that right now, then he needs to plan ahead and do something else (like you already mentioned). If he plans ahead and does something thoughtful, it draws the focus away from the monetary aspect of it. If you both just sort of show up and then he talks about expenses...I can imagine how awkward of a situation that is.

  11. #30

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    If you put a price tag on yourself be prepared to be treated like an object.

    I don't know why you are saying all of these things because they strike me as very shallow. Are you struggling financially ? Maybe that is influencing your way of thinking.

    It doesn't seem very modern, progressive or in any way favoring equality between men and women that you expect a man to pay for everything or to have a lot of money. I don't know, some girls are like that and some aren't some won't date you unless you buy them everything, while others really want to be a partner.

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