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Thread: Seriously, i'm not selfish and materialistic but......

  1. #271
    Platinum Member Pegasus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    You quoted me out of context to make the point that I did not offer to pay the entire bill "since I was the woman" - that is not the complete situation here. I wrote:

    "In my situation, I did not offer to pay the entire bill and since I was the woman I think he should not have assumed i offered (even if he misheard - and I doubt he did - the bill came and I said "let me pay my share) nor should he have made the comment about how he loves to be pampered - what kind of first impression is that??"
    But if he offered to pay, you would think that he would cover whole bill because he is not a woman since you "as a woman" assumed something else. Right?

  2. #272
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    Originally Posted by Pegasus
    But if he offered to pay, you would think that he would cover whole bill because he is not a woman since you "as a woman" assumed something else. Right?
    If he offered to pay, yes, I would assume it was because he was "the man" and traditionally, men offer to pay the whole bill when they are out with a woman far more often than women (and that doesn't mean I automatically accept - in fact, unlike him, I wouldn't have automatically accepted). I am not saying he should offer to pay but it is common for a man to offer to pay.

    But, you are ignoring that this was a cumulative problem -not only did he assume that I meant to pay the entire bill, he automatically accepted and added that he "loved to be pampered" which is just a rude/inappropriate thing to say to a near stranger.

    I would have felt better about it if, he misheard me, then looked and seemed very puzzled and said "um, are you sure? I am happy to pay" or "I am happy to split it". Then we might have had a good laugh about it.

    I don't think there's anything wrong in my assumption, based on traditional dating practices, that, as between the man and the woman, the man usually offers to pay the entire bill on a first meet/first date. What you're confusing that with is as if I wrote "I think the man should pay the entire bill on a first meet since he is the man".

    Not saying that at all - indeed, on a first meet, while it might be nice of the man to offer to pay since it is only a first meet it's completely fine if the two people split it.

  3. #273
    Platinum Member Daligal83's Avatar
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    That's referring to a first meet in general though, right? What about in the situation where the guy asks a girl out on a first date? Should splitting be the assumed option?

    I still feel that whoever asks for the first couple dates should pay. If a girl asks out the guy, she should pay. There is a difference between going out to dinner as friends and asking someone out on a romantic date. And if the couple continues to see each other after the first couple dates, then sharing the bill is more acceptable. Whether it's you get this one, I'll get the next one, or actually going dutch.

    I know for me that when I've gone on dates where there are multiple activities, I will always help pay. Like on one date we went to Dave & Busters and he paid for our tokens for the games and I paid for any drinks. On another date, the guy paid for the meal (with a gift card...that could be a whole other thread because some of my friends thought that was tacky, but it was still an expensive meal) and then I paid for the movie tickets afterward.

    But in general, if a guy asks out a girl on a date, it is taken to mean that he wants to actually take her out. And he should do that within his means. None of the women on here are saying, guys should take me on extremely expensive dates and treat me. Those are the typical dating norms and it doesn't make people shallow or golddiggers. Just plan dates that are within your means. That's it. And if the other person continues to expect you to pay date after date after date, well then that would be when it becomes a problem in my eyes.

  4. #274
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    When a man asks me out on a date I assume he is going to offer to pay. Typically, I allow the man to pay but in certain situations I offer to pay my share. I always offer if I don't want to see the guy again, unless he insisted on taking me to a restaurant outside of my budget - then I don't feel obligated.

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  6. #275
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    I like my women to be very down to earth and humble. I usually like an offer to pay from the women. Of course, I would NOT allow it, but the offer is nice! It tells me a lot about what type of women I am dating...

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