hers Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 See my past thread about having my ex's dog for an update if you need it. I wanted to have my ex's dog while he was moving b/c I really really missed the dog, and I thought I'd be helping him out. The night I picked up the dog, my ex poured on some BS about how he misses and loves me and doesn't want to hurt me anymore and I'm so worth everything, yada yada words words. Well, after a fight about how to get the dog back to him, he came to pick up the dog just a bit ago. I told him I felt he owed me an apology for telling me he loves me and feeding me all the crap and then knowingly hurting me by sleeping with t he other girl the next day. He told me I didn't deserve anything. After a few minutes of going back and forth, he went to leave, and I opened his car door and punched him and walked off. I immediately started shaking and crying. It was right out of the scene of The Real World in Seattle when that dude opened up the car door to punch Irene, exactly liek that. I'm a reality TV abuse star. Great. I can't believe how crazy I am. I am literally psycho. Someone please help me. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Your not physco your just taking your anger out in different ways.=] Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Find a pillow! Punch it. I think you should say sorry to him for punching him...but, nothing more. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I feel I need to apologize to him but he couldnt give me the courtesy of an apology for hurting me like that so I almost feel that he doesn't deserve one for this. No one deserves to be hit like that. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I feel I need to apologize to him but he couldnt give me the courtesy of an apology for hurting me like that so I almost feel that he doesn't deserve one for this. No one deserves to be hit like that. You can't control how he treats you, but you can control yourself. You punched him. That was wrong. But it's not the end of the world, just say to him that you overreacted and that you're sorry for punching him, then leave it at that. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 That wasn't the first time I had lashed out at him like that. I had hit him in the arm or leg a couple times before and pushed him once or twice, but never punched him directly in the face. I feel like I shoudl be locked up. Link to comment
lostnva Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Id like to punch my ex in the face, guess thats why he hasnt moved out after 2 months of being broken up....he is scared! It sucks, but sometimes anger and pain just takes over....I destroyed my exs drumset with a sledge hammer...it was hard to destroy something that was made to be beat on! Had he had been here.....it most likley would have been him. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I grew up watching my mom get the ever living crap kicked out of her by her boyfriends and I used to think "How could someone do that to another human being?" and I did that. Link to comment
lostnva Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Forgot to add....love makes us do CRAZY things! Link to comment
Roasted Carrots Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 You realize you did wrong, and that nobody deserves to be hurt like that. But there's nothing you can do about that now. I say call him up, say "I'm sorry about my behavior. I was so angry, and I shouldn't have punched you." Then take up kickboxing, forget him, and move on. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I can't apologize to him. It won't work. He'd probably just lash out at me and say awful things. I deserve to hear them. Link to comment
Jelina Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 It was right out of the scene of The Real World in Seattle when that dude opened up the car door to punch Irene, exactly liek that. I'm a reality TV abuse star. Great. Omg I was thinking the same thing. Anyways, you should apologize for punching him though. I think you should stay away from him. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I can't apologize to him. It won't work. He'd probably just lash out at me and say awful things. I deserve to hear them. So just leave a message apologizing. You don't have to listen to him lashing out. Just get your message accross, that's the only important thing. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 When I picture myself, I picture someone walking down the street twitching and talking to themselves. That's how I picture myself--someone crazy. I need help. Link to comment
My Advice Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 If you had broken a vase over this cheating bastard's head I'd have given you a medal, seriously. Cheaters deserve NO respect. Link to comment
Roasted Carrots Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 If you can't talk to him, at least forgive yourself. He sounds like a creep and you're better off without him. Heck, you're better off with him thinking that next time it will be more than a punch, and maybe he'll leave you alone. Link to comment
My Advice Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 her smudders I suspected you were a little off when you said you didn't want james Gandolfinni's chunky butt, but that being said, you need therapy, but not because you hit this guy. He is scum. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I called my sponsor immediately and talked to her about it. She helped me through it but I still feel ridiculous. I wish I knew how to have self-control and would be able to forgive myself. Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 her smudders I suspected you were a little off when you said you didn't want james Gandolfinni's chunky butt, but that being said, you need therapy, but not because you hit this guy. He is scum. I swear, the way you talk, you talk like you know me in real life or something. You freak me out! Link to comment
meghanx11 Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I did the same thing. Punched him in the face and gave him a black eye. Apologized and left it at that. That was about four months ago and he still talks to me. Your not crazy. You just need to find different ways to deal with your anger. Link to comment
redhearts Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 Id like to punch my ex in the face, guess thats why he hasnt moved out after 2 months of being broken up....he is scared! It sucks, but sometimes anger and pain just takes over....I destroyed my exs drumset with a sledge hammer...it was hard to destroy something that was made to be beat on! Had he had been here.....it most likley would have been him. Thats just mean they cost over 800 bucks. Unless it was used and cost 300-400 ehh haha. It is a good out let of anger to use sticks with though.=] I heard my sisters bf cheated on her, I wanted to kick his balls. LOL Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 I'm just so angry with myself. No one deserves to be hit physically, but this isn't the first time I did it. I don't feel like he deserves an apology from me for hitting him b/c he said I don't deserve an apology from him for his knowingly hurting me. Am I wrong for not apologizing b/c of that reason? Link to comment
hers Posted August 29, 2008 Author Share Posted August 29, 2008 What good will it do if I apoloigize to him? I feel like he'll win, have all this power over me, if I apologize to him Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I don't feel like he deserves an apology from me for hitting him b/c he said I don't deserve an apology from him for his knowingly hurting me. Am I wrong for not apologizing b/c of that reason? In my opinion, yes. On some level, you are actually rationalizing being as bad as him. Do you want to live on a t!t-for-tat level with people, which they set up per their own lousy rules, or do you wish to act upon your own sense of conscience? Your conscience says that he was wrong to hurt you because a person shouldn't knowingly hurt another person. And your conscience also says that a person shouldn't physically attack another person. There is NO justification for either act. There is no excuse for either. They don't even excuse eachother! Is your conscience following along so far? If so, then you are not crazy. But you need to act on that part of your conscience that caused YOU to be the one to violate your principles. It's too late to take back what you did to "even the score", but it isn't too late to express your remorse. I know you're very conflicted about apologizing to him, understandably, because of his reaction. His reaction is NOT up to you. Don't go in thinking you should be punished (either by hearing him verbally abuse you more, or being locked up -- I hope you can see the conflict of feeling you don't owe him an apology, yet also thinking you deserve to be locked up!) Do go in thinking that justice is being served by you saying, "Whatever hurt me, there was no excuse for my punching you and I'm sorry." What he does with that is HIS call, and out of your control. And if he wants to take advantage of it by verbally abusing you after that, say, "I called to say I'm sorry I physically lashed out at you, but I'm not hear to listen to all of this," and hang up. What about the Step of "making amends"? That's for you to fulfill, not him. Drop the pride. Furthermore, I think if you don't apologize to him, subconsciously you are giving yourself just a little more approval/license to use physical violence in the future, to express outrage; I'd be more concerned with that, especially since this isn't the first time. It's an escalation of what you've already done before...which I find a bit worrisome. Link to comment
Roasted Carrots Posted August 29, 2008 Share Posted August 29, 2008 I think maybe, someday down the line, after both of you have had therapy and have healed, then maybe you can apoligize to him. But if you think by saying you're sorry, that he'll "win", or draw you back in, abuse you verbally or physically, etc, then you don't have to. As long as you forgive him in your heart and forgive yourself, it's the same deal in my book. Link to comment
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