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Thread: I just punched my ex in the face

  1. #21

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    Originally Posted by lostnva
    Id like to punch my ex in the face, guess thats why he hasnt moved out after 2 months of being broken up....he is scared! It sucks, but sometimes anger and pain just takes over....I destroyed my exs drumset with a sledge hammer...it was hard to destroy something that was made to be beat on! Had he had been here.....it most likley would have been him.
    Thats just mean they cost over 800 bucks. Unless it was used and cost 300-400 ehh haha.

    It is a good out let of anger to use sticks with though.=]

    I heard my sisters bf cheated on her, I wanted to kick his balls. LOL

  2. #22
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    I'm just so angry with myself. No one deserves to be hit physically, but this isn't the first time I did it.

    I don't feel like he deserves an apology from me for hitting him b/c he said I don't deserve an apology from him for his knowingly hurting me. Am I wrong for not apologizing b/c of that reason?

  3. 08-28-2008, 11:02 PM
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    do not want to be involved

  4. #23
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    What good will it do if I apoloigize to him? I feel like he'll win, have all this power over me, if I apologize to him

  5. #24
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hersmudders
    I don't feel like he deserves an apology from me for hitting him b/c he said I don't deserve an apology from him for his knowingly hurting me. Am I wrong for not apologizing b/c of that reason?
    In my opinion, yes.

    On some level, you are actually rationalizing being as bad as him.

    Do you want to live on a t!t-for-tat level with people, which they set up per their own lousy rules, or do you wish to act upon your own sense of conscience?

    Your conscience says that he was wrong to hurt you because a person shouldn't knowingly hurt another person. And your conscience also says that a person shouldn't physically attack another person. There is NO justification for either act. There is no excuse for either. They don't even excuse eachother! Is your conscience following along so far? If so, then you are not crazy.

    But you need to act on that part of your conscience that caused YOU to be the one to violate your principles. It's too late to take back what you did to "even the score", but it isn't too late to express your remorse.

    I know you're very conflicted about apologizing to him, understandably, because of his reaction. His reaction is NOT up to you. Don't go in thinking you should be punished (either by hearing him verbally abuse you more, or being locked up -- I hope you can see the conflict of feeling you don't owe him an apology, yet also thinking you deserve to be locked up!) Do go in thinking that justice is being served by you saying, "Whatever hurt me, there was no excuse for my punching you and I'm sorry." What he does with that is HIS call, and out of your control. And if he wants to take advantage of it by verbally abusing you after that, say, "I called to say I'm sorry I physically lashed out at you, but I'm not hear to listen to all of this," and hang up.

    What about the Step of "making amends"? That's for you to fulfill, not him.

    Drop the pride.

    Furthermore, I think if you don't apologize to him, subconsciously you are giving yourself just a little more approval/license to use physical violence in the future, to express outrage; I'd be more concerned with that, especially since this isn't the first time. It's an escalation of what you've already done before...which I find a bit worrisome.

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  7. #25
    Gold Member Roasted Carrots's Avatar
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    I think maybe, someday down the line, after both of you have had therapy and have healed, then maybe you can apoligize to him. But if you think by saying you're sorry, that he'll "win", or draw you back in, abuse you verbally or physically, etc, then you don't have to. As long as you forgive him in your heart and forgive yourself, it's the same deal in my book.

  8. #26
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    TOV, I know you're right. I just know if I were to apologize right now, at this moment, I woudl not mean it. I need to be in the right frame of mind before I apologize.

  9. #27
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    No one should hit someone of the opposite sex, but it was a one time thing, and you feel sorry for it. You are not a chronic abuser. Also, it sounds like this guy was treating you very badly. The relationship is obviously not good for either of you.

    Make sure you never do it again, and maybe donate some money to an anti-abuse organization or something.

    Also, you are right that its a good idea to wait before contacting this guy.

  10. #28
    Bronze Member Katiebaby's Avatar
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    Hey Hersmudders.
    I Punched my ex too, and I've never felt so bad about anything before. I was in an abusive relationship a few years ago, and my recent ex (Mal, who knows I've been hit before) and I were having a fight. This was the dude I bought the house with. We were at it one day, and we were in the spare room of the house. I was trying to make my point to him and he didn't want to listen and tried to walk off. So I reached for the doorknob, closed the door and tried to talk to him, but he decided to get in my face and start YELLING. He had me in the corner of the room screaming in my face when I saw him raise his arm.
    It was like slow motion when it happened, he raised his arm and slammed his hand into the door frame, like an inch to the left of my face, but I panicked, and by the time his hand was on the door frame, the heel of my hand was into his jaw. Hard.

    I immediatley apologized but it was too late. He stormed out of the house, drove off in his car and I didn't see him for three hours. As I said, I apologized, and I truly meant it at the time, but looking back, how dare he try and intimidate me. How dare he raise his hand in a threatening manner.

    So I know how you feel mate. I say leave the message so it's off your chest, and also you won't have to listen to his crap. Sorry for the long post BTW, just wanted to tell my story!

    Luv Kate xOx

  11. #29

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    Well, this was violence that was a culmination of a confrontation begun by you. You were acting not reacting in this instance because you had been mad at him for at least partly questionable reasons for the last 24 hours or so.

    When you demanded an apology that was starting the confrontation. Then, when he refused, you didn't just lash out at him, which would have been bad enough, but you actually had to open his car door to punch him in the face. He wasn't being aggressive - in fact you say he was on the point of leaving.

    And you have been violent in the past with him.

    Now you are concerned that apologising will give him some sort of power because he hasn't apologised for anything he has done. But even if he has cheated on you, which at least in the last instance is debatable because you are broken up, that is a different thing from deliberately opening his car door and punching him in the face.

    It is up to you whether you apologise. But I doubt you would be getting quite this level of sympathy and understanding had you been a man punching his ex-girlfriend in the face under similar circumstances - so you might want to look at that aspect of it.

    The fact is that you committed a crime tonight - you will probably get away with it. But it was a crime and apparently one you have committed before. So I agree with you that some sort of therapy may be required before your anger leads you to do something even more serious that lands you in prison.

  12. #30
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Debbie37
    No one should hit someone of the opposite sex, but it was a one time thing, and you feel sorry for it. You are not a chronic abuser. Also, it sounds like this guy was treating you very badly. The relationship is obviously not good for either of you.

    Make sure you never do it again, and maybe donate some money to an anti-abuse organization or something.

    Also, you are right that its a good idea to wait before contacting this guy.
    I have hit him before, but never in the face. Just in the leg or back or shoulder. I've pushed him a few times too. When I hit someone, I don't even realize I'm doing it until the very second after. It scares me so much.

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